Hey, I had dated this guy for almost a year and then he dumped me.He was my first EVERYTHING. I loved him so much so imagine the pain I felt. Its been 2 years since the break-up, but we still talk and were cool with each other. I'm even dating someone new since April and he's amazing. But yesterday my "best friend" texts me saying she &my ex are going out now. She said it just like that. What kind of friend does that? She betrayed my trust and went behind my back and did this. I'm so infuriated but we've been friends for 10 years now since we were 9. I don't whether to let this friendship go. It seems like she did :(

I don't see where you think your g/f betrayed you in any way; you have a new b/f and she is dating your ex who you haven't dated for 2 years. You have known your friend a long time, why break up the friendship just because she is dating someone who doesn't want to be with you?

Tick

I agree with tickle. There was no betrayal here. This is a major over reaction on your part and at least she told you who she is dating. Should not matter to you at all either way you have been done with that guy for two years now and actually seeing someone else.

No reason to drop a friendship or for you even given second thought about her going out with your ex.

Are you really that mad at her and him or is it the shock of finding out in such a matter-of-fact way?

What is really bothering you about them getting together? What are you losing if they become a couple? It can't be the friendship unless you throw it away. You will always have your own memories of what you did together that no one can take away from you. In fact, they should have already been put away out of respect for your new relationship.

I can understand being hurt by being dumped two years ago, however, since then you say you are 'cool' with him. Haven't you let him and the past go? Why do you feel like you have any say in who he or your friend dates? Do you want either of them telling you who it is okay for you to date?

It isn't like they got together the week or month after your relationship with him ended. He didn't leave you for her. She didn't steal him from you. You are now in a new relationship so why not be okay with them wanting to take a chance with each other?

If you care for your friend, why not hope that all goes better for her and that she doesn't get hurt like you did?

Let them go, get over this feeling and you will realize that you have grown taller than them.. you can do it. She told you didn't she? If you feel that she could have told it earlier, please talk it out to her. Do not hold it within you, she definitely needs the ten year old friendship, whom else will she say it to?

I'm going in a different direction than the others. I would probably be just as angry as you in this situation. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your friend only told you about him after they started dating?

Which means that they started building a relationship behind your back and when it become official, they announced it to you. Funny how you said she's your best friend, because it sounds like she didn't even tell you that your ex was part of her life and they were buliding towards a relationship.

It's not the end of the world that she started a relationship with him, but she could have had the courtesy to give you a warning to let you know that they might be starting something together.

Furthermore, she did it over a text message. She didn't have the courrage to tell you in person. I don't know what the future holds between the two of you, but the trust is definitely shaken. How about you give this some time to see how things develop and for your emotions to settle down before deciding on what to do next?

I have to say this directly to the OP, but being from the old school, I think the absolute worse name you can call a woman is a 'douche'. And you are calling a woman this who you have known since you were, what, nine. That is a lot of years but quite frankly just forget it, wish her luck and your ex good luck too and be magnanimous in this situation. You will be thought a lot better for it. And if you have called her a 'douche' in a text or e mail, retract it and apologize. I am thinking here you have very little class in this situation.

I mean, how old are you. You haven't made mature decisions. Grow up and wish them all the best of luck in their relationship, then maybe your ex will think you have more balls then he tought.
Tick

I agree totally with I wish.

I split up with my ex 8 months ago and I'm still in serious pain.

During those 8 months I have had two of my "best friends" start to get close to my ex. One he faniced, but she didn't like him, and one was actually flirting with him ALL THE TIME. This caused me enough pain and stress and confusion to do some pretty stupid things - and that was only at the prospect that they might be romantically interested in one another. So I can easily imagine exactly how much pain you're in. I know how disgusting it is to have to think about your ex doing relationship stuff with your friend.

It's horrid I know.
As girls, it's an unspoken rule, you don't date eachothers exes (or crushes), no matter how long it's been.

I don't really know what to advise, as I was lucky... but here is what I would do. Talk to your friend in person. Tell her seriously that she has broken unspoken rules of girl world and exactly how you're feeling. She probably doesn't see - just like with my friends - that she is doing anything wrong.
But don't just make it about you, try to find out just how much she likes him.

Because if she really does love him, I suppose it's not fair to keep them apart.

However if that's the case you can kindly inform her that you don't want to know about the relationship at all, what they've been doing, where they're going when, if he's kissed her yet etc, and that You don't want to see them together. Then get your ex to block you on any social networking site so you can't see the lovey dovey rubbish that they are writing to each other.

You SHOULD mean more to her than any guy. If it were me, and my ex meant more to my best mate that I did, I'd question her friendship. Sorry, can't lie. So if you find yourself doing that you aren't alone. But do try to resolve it because friends are important and she's obviously a close one.

Maybe your ex is jealous that you found someone else and he didn't? He may be trying to get to you through her.

I'm sorry this has happened to you - it really sucks :( xx

I think we are all missing a point here, and I do respect wish's comments but at least her 'former' g/f let the OP know before someone else did. Maybe the ex g/f should have waited till she found out some other way. Would that have been more appropriate?

Tick

Would you not be mad if your friend came to you in person before her and your Ex started to date and said It's been 2 years since you and so and so dated So I am going to date him? Or would you still be mad?

I thank whoever agrees with me in this situation. And whoever doesn't, obviously you don't understand where I'm coming from. It's the fact that they betrayed me. Even while my ex and I dated she would flirt with him and text him. Not cool at all. She's always been this way towards any guy I liked in the past also. I don't know why I've held on to this friendship for so long, but I can't let go. And now he won't stop texting me for whatever reason, while she doesn't text me at all. After she told me they were dating, I just replied with "Oh that's cool." Trying to be the bigger person kind of by not lashing out at her. Thank you "imsurroundedbyfish" and "I Wish" for understanding me.

So you came to the website to ask opinions and a question just to find people that will agree with you in the situation and anything that you do not agree with they are wrong. That does not make sense to me. You should be thanking everybody that responded. That took their own time to respond.

I'm sorry you're right. Where are my manners. Thank you EVERYONE who is trying to help me out :/

As you said, you should have left her alone, long ago, as the signs were there, and been cautious of this friendship, and as hard as break ups are you shouldn't even care what they are doing now. Its been two years and any claim on him has been long gone. Yes I can understand the feelings of betrayal, but she was betraying your friendship before by flirting with this fellow while you were with him. To be fair, he said nothing about what he was doing either, so why is she the only one who betrayed you? You weren't that cool with each other, obviously.

However now she and him are together, cut them both loose, and enjoy what you do have. The important thing is to not live in the past with what was, because not only can you NOT control others, you can let them make you miserable either. You have put enough into being cool with him, and being her "best friend" and have little to show for it, so cut it loose, let it go, and live and learn.

That's dating, never know where your feelings lead you. I think you are more angry with them not being the friends you wanted them to be. You may feel betrayed and abandoned, but they were just caught up in their own feelings, and are having their own fun, as you should do now. You will get through this. We all do.

We all do understand your feelings though, we just handle things differently.

No reason to let them control your happiness, now that you have FACTS about them both. Don't just give your friendship to those that don't deserve it in the future.

GdGrl, I was just going to thank you for thanking us, all who replied, maybe not with the right answer, but replied to try and help nonetheless, and then I found your disagree to my answer in #9 which disregards forum basics in that a disagree is only given if an inaccurate answer is given.


Tick

@tickle, yes you replied but instead of trying to help me you were critiquing my choice of words. So yea, no thanks.

@talaniman thank you so much !

We'll call a halt there before this degenerates further.

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