Our two daughters are not speaking to each other. We as the grandparents would like the grandchildren to see other.. the two girls won't agree on anyone seeing the kids.the older sister says she wants no contact with the younger sister but wants a relationship with her kids.. the younger sister says no way is she comfortable with her older sister seeing her kids unless she is willing to be civil and interact with her about her kids.we have tried to talk to the girls and come up with a solution with no luck,neither of them will budge on what they each want. So, my question is how do we get them to come to some kind of an agreement on the kids.we suggested that the kids come to our house and see each other but each daughter says if we do that they will stop talking to us.. thanks..

We aren't there, but just on the face of it, it seems that the older daughter is being the most unreasonable by expecting to see her sister's kids without her sister being present?? The idea of 'being civil' for the sake of compromise is the time honored way of solving what seems unsolvable. Your idea of course is a fine one, and your home would be a good neutral zone.

My suggestion would be to first state in writing the need for the children to interact and why. Sort of a preamble to the Constitution. Then outline a set of rules of civility. 1 - 10. You know best what they need as far as limits around each other. Basically no talking about anything except hello and goodby and what's for lunch. Rules. The way nations do with cease fires. Roll two copies up like scrolls and tie a ribbon around them. Good luck. It's all I can think of. It must be tempting to just throw up your hands.

Quite honestly it is up to them to work it out. I know that is easier said then done. This feud has to be resolved by them, and them alone.

I will say that it sounds like they are both adults? Interfering or setting things up to make arrangements will just make things worse.

It is not really up to you guys to make arrangements or interfere in their relationship in anyway. You guys said you have already tried.

Writing up an agreement will not work. Family issues, is very complex and we do not know the whole history of what happened to make it come to this point. We do not know all the family dynamics.

What I do know is the ones that are involved the two sisters will have to eventually work it out.

The only other suggestion which many people are hesitant about is counseling. If one party or both are willing to, it could help them changes in how to approach the situation maybe for a better out come down the road. That will be up to each sister though.