My dad has been an ******* to me ever since I was 14. I am now 18 and he hasn't stopped giving me a hard time. He thinks that by telling me I'm a dumbass and I suck at life is going to motivate me and make me feel like I should improve, but its only bringing me down and making me less confident. We almost went at it last night and I'm trying to avoid him now. What should I do to over come this anger I have?

Starting you teen years you probably have not been a stellar son to your dad; it is a fact of life really. Personalities conflict, you are probably too much like him and things, incidents you got involved in did not sit well with him and you retaliated thinking you were in the right.

You both have to come to an understanding, and YOU have to be the start to getting your relationship with your father back on track so that he doesn't think you are a total wash out.

You can't see how he sees you, and he can't see how you see him.

Try really had to get back to where you should be with your dad before it is too late cause things you say now can never be taken back.

I wish you all the best in this, I know what I am talking about. Just do the best you can to tolerate each other.

Let me know how you do with this, it is important to your well being and your father's wel being. You will never have another chance to make amends.

Tick

What types of issues does he complain about? Are they the same issues all along since age 14? There is not enough detail here (in my humble opinion) to have any idea of what the real problems is. At first glance, if you are 18 and still in his house, you have to abide by his rules. Are there any substances involved on either side?

I know the feeling (mother, not father). But I left home as soon as I was done with high school. Have you?

When you are this age it isn't easy to articulate the hurt to a parent. Someday maybe you can. It's better to think 'I'll succeed better than he did and that'll show him' rather than 'He says I'm a failure so I'll be a failure and that'll show him.'

Do you know about Tyler Perry? Multi millionaire with a horrible father and a horrible life, who turned it all into humor. He gives his father houses and money and his father says 'I should have hit you harder, you'd be president now.' He stays away from his father. He forgives but it doesn't mean he has to rub salt in his own wounds by being anywhere near him.

Good luck, it's a lifelong venture. You can let him be right or you can prove him wrong, or you can even do what you do best without even needing to prove anything to him at all.

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Originally Posted by smearcase

What types of issues does he complain about? Are they the same issues all along since age 14? There is not enough detail here (in my humble opinion) to have any idea of what the real problems is. At first glance, if you are 18 and still in his house, you have to abide by his rules. Are there any substances involved on either side?

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I think it is teenangst. Some of us have been through this, not me, I always communicated on all levels with my son, and he didn't have an easy time through middle school and high school, but as soon as he realized he could control his own life and environment, everything was fine. It is, unfortunately, a phase that most teens have to go through if they have parents who are far too busy to communicate wants and needs.

Tick

Proving the father wrong would be great if the father is wrong.
The father is wrong to condemn the son but the father may have been right for the last 4 years and sees no hope because there have been no changes. I could be wrong in my opinions too, especially if the father's demands are (and have been) unrealistic of if the father is affected by something beyond your control. What is the real cause of "almost" going "at it"? If it because of his condemning-- what is at the root of his complaint? Sorry, not enough info for me.