Yesterday I had a DVT and Notice of Hearing served to me from my ex-girlfriend.

What led up to her filing the complaint was me contacting her many times over a 2 month period after she requested I never contact her again in writing. I really struggled with the break-up and kept contacting her with very non-threatening messages, such as "I love you"... links to videos of love songs... "I missed you". There was never any verbal or physical abuse in the relationship or a threat of and domestic violence. My last message to her was to have closure and say good-bye... I started dating again and my life was going good... just wanted to thank her and tell her that I was grateful for having an opportunity to have spent time with her again (we dated 20 years ago and she broke my heart then too).

When I go to the hearing does she have a case for the judge to uphold this order due even though there was not a single incident of DV or threat of DV? Or does she have a case because she official request me not to contact her and I ignore those request?

Any suggestions? I have copies of all the messages and the timeline that all this took place.

Thanks in advance for any advice or information.

What you did was wrong. When someone asks you to stop then that is what you need to comply with or face the consequenses. In this case you stepped over the line. Cyber stalking is a crime. At best the judge will reiterate that you have no contact or face jail time. At worst who knows what a judge can throw at you. At this point just be honest and try to limit the damage.

Do you carry a gun on you or own guns? Do you have a carry permit?

No guns or weapons. That was part of the dvt. I know I was wrong and moved on... I was trying to get closure. Now that my life has turned around for the good and hers is still in turmoil she is being vindictive. I will likely lose my career over this as I work in public safety. Does not seem right.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NH_DVT

No guns or weapons. That was part of the dvt. I know I was wrong and moved on...I was trying to get closure. Now that my life has turned around for the good and hers is still in turmoil she is being vindictive. I will likely lose my career over this as I work in public safety. Does not seem right.

---

You may or may not lose your carer over it depending on the outcome of the hearing. But if it does put your job into jeapordy then you need to hire a lawyer to defend you. If not you can lose everything.

You do want an attorney, since you could very likely lose your job over this. Since you did indeed "stalk" her you don't want this to be classed as a domestic violence crime, or you lose your right to carry a gun if you work in public safety and carry one.

So perhaps at best the judge will just order a order of protection or restraining order to keep you from contacting her. Second best may be a plea agreement to misdemeanor stalking but not domestic violence related.

Still not good for your job, but would not automatically get you fired.

I can see the judge, if she has proof of all of this contact and her request not to contact, making this go very badly for you, So please get an attorney

Even though there has never been any history of DV by me (towards her or anyone else - never been convicted of any crime) and this order is specific to DV - it sounds like I have done myself in by pining for her and then having a last message of closure saying goodbye and for her to remove pictures of us from public websites (of an organization she runs) and Facebook? Even though there has never been any threat of DV? Just does not seem like justice to me.

I don't know what you wrote but something I'm thinking when I read this from you... if you step back and look at your messages to her, do you think it's possible that someone else could have taken them as threatening? Like maybe your goodbye message... do you think someone could read it as you were implying she was not going to be around anymore?

You need to be very careful when you write to people as you could mean one thing but they could read it another way... especially ex-girlfriends and maybe even judges.

Absolutely not threatening in anyway... I thanked her for things she showed me about myself that I found difficult to see on my own, wished her the best in life, specifically said I have no ill feelings towards her and she will always hold a place in my heart dear to her, that I have moved on - only kindness and compassion in any message that I ever sent her... and now my life is ruined.