Please help me I can't stand it anymore... my dad thinks I am a loser, he can't even look at my face and say hi. I grew up watching him beat my mom, drinking, cheating on my mom... I was five when it started. I had a bone tumor when I was 10, and because of that my dad blames me that he is an alcoholic. Is it really my fault?
I had another tumor when I was 13 and besides helping me when I was in pain, he threw a pillow at me and told me to leave him alone...
I became a teenager and started skateboarding and hanging out with friends, and he hated me for that. I tried taking care of my family because my dad left us, my mom was devastated and my older brother was in rehab.But I was 14 and couldn't handle it so well, so I tried killing myself.
My dad came back home and never approved of anything I did. I used to be good at basketball but my dad said I wasn't; so I stopped playing. I used to be good at volleyball and my dad didn't approve; so I stopped. I used to be a good singer, had a couple of bands, and my dad said I was mediocre. He always treated me like crap, and always turned my mom against me.

Now I am 22, married, traumatized, a loser and can't do anything of my life. I study but my dad said that he doubts that I am going to even get my associates degree.

I am trying to open my own business and he doesn't believe that I am good enough.

And the worst part is with this bad economy me and my husband had to come live with them because we lost our jobs.

WHAT DO I DO? HE HATES ME AND THINKS I AM A PIECE OF CRAP, DOESN'T EVEN TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN BEING OR HIS OWN KID!

He says all that I am good at is sleeping all day.

I don't know why you did not go and go stay gone if the situation was this bad with your father. What possible benefit, after you found out what it was like with the relationship, was served after you moved back in at 22.

What does he do, offer unsolicited advice, come up and tap you on the shoulder and tell you how unworthy you are ? Or do you constantly seek his attention and advice and get what you have explained ? And if so, why bother if you know what the answer will be.

I don't understand your plight, really, why not just distance yourself from him and be done with it. Are you that downtrodden that you want to stay and receive further punishment from him?

Open your own business, be the best you can be without his input, why do you need it anyway, you are an adult, act like one.

Tick

I think you should go after your dreams and don't let your father drag you down with all of this negativity. He obviously has issues and takes them out on you but you must realise that you are not his punching bag.
He might be your father and I'm sure you care for him but you should finally start taking care of yourself and consider your own needs for once. Don't let him take your decisions for you. If you want to do something, go for it and don't expect your father's approval to do so. Do what makes you happy and if your dad doesn't approve, it's his problem.
You should take control of your own life. Do it for yourself and your wife, who I'm guessing isn't happy by watching her husband being so miserable.
Unfortunately, your father is who he is and I seriously doubt it if he'll ever change. I understand that you are traumatised after all you've been and still go through but the past is the past and cannot change. But you shouldn't ruin your present and future by worrying too much about what your father thinks of you.
We all carry our demons but we should move on with our lives and try for the best.
You have a wife now who's counting on you. Don't make the same mistakes your father did with his family. It's not your fault that your father treats you the way he does and you can do nothing else about it. You've sacrificed a lot of things you liked for him already and nothing changed. He's still complaining and making your life miserable.
Unfortunately, we must just deal with certain things in life and you must deal with the fact that your father is who he is, but don't let him make you feel like a loser anymore.
Fight to achieve your goals and keep around you people who care about you and believe in you instead the ones who hurt you. And be for your wife and future children the great husband and father, your father never was to you and your family.
Good luck in everything you do!

My dad was a failure as a father, a failure at work, a failure at pretty much everything. What does he do? Tries to make everyone around him feel like a failure to boost his own fragile ego.

Sure when I was a kid I used to bend over backwards to win his approval. Did it ever work? No.

Know what I figured out one day? That he actually was afraid of me succeeding and wanted to hold me back, though maybe not consciously, because the more successful I was the worse he would feel about his own failures.

That the reason he acted like he didn't value or even hated me was because that was how he actually feels about himself. That the only power he could find in life was that which he could feel by making his chilrdren treat him with undue respect by manipulating them.

Ring any bells?

Man, I actually know how it feels to be in your situation right now. But the difference about my dad is that he wanted me to be in soccer or football just any sport, but I just don't got a favorite sport... well sense Tennis came into sort of.. still suck at it. And I'm guessing he wanted me to be in Tennis Team, because I only had it for a class.I mean my girlfriend teaches me sometimes but I don't know? I guess its not my sport.. and my dad would be like "G** Dammit son!! i just want you to be in a sport, just Do something", and then this one time he just told out of know were that I was gaining weight.. I told him "Well Look who's talking Fat ***!". But any way Oh! And I guess he doesn't want me to have a girlfriend yet so because we broke up but I guess he doesn't believe in relationships, so he just told me "your still young you know, your 19 for crying out loud and there Nothing but drama and trouble" I just told him " who the hell do you think you are?! you can't tell me things like That!". But anyway, My advice would be.. Just who Cares what he thinks! Live your life man, just keep doing what your doing because we all know you will succeed with your life! Take care : )

-Gabriel

*anger release alert*
My dad is an alcoholic too. Hes around 57 years old. I'm 23. Both of my parents were huge emotional invalidators of me. I don't remember ever being praised for my accomplishments by them, unless I asked, starting I guess when I hit puberty.
Well now my dad continues to get worse every time I talk to him. He says he loves me, but I hate him anyway, and don't care about him, nor give a what he says or how he feels about me. He's a narcissist and a scumbag. He's not happy unless he makes me feel miserable about myself, while making himself the superior one.
The last time I talked to him on the phone, the only way he talked to me, was in a derogatory and condescending manner. I received no praise. Only hate, attempts at control, and the sense that he thinks it's impossible for me to succeed in life. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not the cause of any of his problems.
A loving father tells you how awesome you are, and is interested in the things you do. But my father makes up about me that isn't true and all sorts of other nonsense that I don't want to listen to.
Now about you: He doesn't love you. He does indeed hate you. You have a right to hate him too. I don't see any point in trying to love him, if he will never love you. It seems like trying to change him isn't effective. You probably want him to apologize to you and your mom, but I doubt he would make a sincere apology, cause he doesn't want to appear "weak." The thought of him causing so much pain to you is unbearable to him.
I got the most satisfaction confronting my dad in an aggressive (non-violent) way, and continuously cursing at him, and telling him now useless and pathetic he is. That way not work for you though, and he sure didn't seem to like it.
Still, I believe he deserved that treatment from me, and even if it didn't help him, it helped me to get my feelings out about him.

Well I'm 14 now and my dad hates me too I don't know what I ever did t him but he can't stnd me everything do is wrong nobody understands and I don't know what to do he doesn't even give me money to go out with my friend he says that I'm going to end up taking drugs or in prision I want to go working but I'm only 14 so I'm too young it suck that your dad hates you since I was 6... I cry every night just because I can't stand it here everybdy tell me to understand him but how can I understand the person who hates to see me smiling or happy the person that wants to see me cry every minute of every day? I know what you mean and I understand you tatally but can someone help me too?