Devastated, humiliated and worthless
I am a 61-year old single woman. For the last two years I have broken the law and helped myself to various items in grocery stores, big box stores and mall stores. They are small inconsequential items I could live without. I buy merchandise and add something for myself that will slide right into my handbag. I was a caregiver for my dad and then mom for fifteen years. Had to quit my job to care for mom and it was a 24-hr a day job. She is gone three years now. I worry about making ends meet but, above all, I am a very lonely, unhappy person with no where to turn. When I take something I feel deserving because my life has been so difficult. I try to fool myself that even God would sanction this because He knows what a wonderful daughter I was to my folks. I have been caught two times and neither time they called the police. They issued trespass warrants both times. The humiliation the first time should have been enough. I came home and was in bed for five days. I thought I would never get over that incident. Now, today, I did it again. The Loss Prevention fellow kept telling me to calm down. I think he thought I might have a heart attack. If I had a gun with me I would have used it on myself. I know how stupid and destructive this is. I know I am suffering from depression, but is that just an excuse for my behavior. I'm in such a low place that I don't know which way to turn.