My fiancé and I want to get married before he goes into the air force but he can't be married to me with me having two children that I have custody of when he joins because the air force currently has a 2 dependent limit. My parents are willing to take custody (we live in Ga). My question is what do I have to get the kids fathers to do to make this process go smoothly. One child's father is legitimized and on child support (court ordered) but over $3500 in arrears, he also lives in Ga. The other child's father is not legitimized, is on the birth certificate and court ordered child support which he doesn't pay and hasn't seen the child in over a year, he resides in California and I have a hard time contacting him. Does he have to agree to give my parents custody?

You need to consult with a good attorney on this matter.

What do you intend doing with your children in the future? Let them live with the grandparents indefinitely?

Why can't you take the kids with you? Is it due to housing constraints of the AF? Don't quite understand why only 2 dependent limit. Makes no sense.

Yes, this does not sound correctly, I know service people with 3, 4 or even 5 kids. Who has told you this.
The "two dependent rule" is for people who wish to enlist, so if he is already in service, out of basic and on regular duty, this should be no issue at all.

And even so, there are wavers for most any rule if one wants to work at it.

Also you are willing to allow the grand parents to take the kids and live with them, and you go off with new husband ?

I would say that there is more to this, since the facts do not add up

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

... I would say that there is more to this, since the facts do not add up

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The number of chidren doesn't either. If the Air Force does have some sort of two-dependent limitation, OP has only mentioned two kids. So it wouldn't be over the limit in any event.

The Air Force does have a limit for a new recruit who is just joining, so going into basic training they can only have two dependents, that would be wife and one child ( or two children if divorced)

But it does not seem to apply to anyone who is already in the Air Force, just to people joining

Thanks for the replies. He's not in yet, he is joining. The children would still reside with us, they just can't legally be his dependents when he joins. The Air Force considers me one of his dependents and our unborn child his 2nd dependent, I didn't previously mention that I am pregnant now. I work for the state so my two children have great benefits as far as health care so that's not a concern, we just want him to be able to join and the only way he can is if he's in the dependent limit, which means my parents have to legally have custody. We asked his recruiter about a waiver but the Air Force is not currently offering dependent waivers to new recruits. All will be resolved after he's in, I will regain custody of my two children after a year. But my question is about the custody and what their fathers will have to agree to for this custody change to take place.

First, why not wait until after ne joins to marry? You didn't wait for marriage to get pregnant!

Second, the court will likely require that you serve both fathers about the change in custody so they can decide whether to fight it.

But the real problem you have is trying to fool the AF. There is a good possibility that if the AF gets wind of this scheme, that the could give him a dishonorable discharge.

That's a possibility to wait to get married until after he joins. How do you figure we are trying to "scheme" what's the scheme? Like I said the children do not need his benefits I am a very capable, independent mother without the military benefits. On top of this that we don't require military housing. This is his career choice not a family choice

Scheme = fraud. How else should I put this?

Yes that explains it better, thanks. The trouble with "giving the kids to someone else" is that they don't have to give them back. So if you do this, they can change their mind, get attached after a few years and not want to give them back to you.

But yes, you will have to get the bio father to agree, since he would have rights to take the kids first if you decide no longer to want them.

Waiting till he gets settled into the military may well be best.
He will be away for some time in Basic and AIT before his first duty station anyway

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Originally Posted by Usafwife2b

The children would still reside with us, they just can't legally be his dependents when he joins. ... we just want him to be able to join and the only way he can is if he's in the dependent limit, which means my parents have to legally have custody. ... All will be resolved after he's in, I will regain custody of my two children after a year.

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Read the above quoted statements and tell me again that you are not trying to put one over on the AF! What you are talking about is creating a legal fiction that your parents are the custodial parents of the two children. Then reversing that fiction (if your parents agree) after he is fully a part of the AF.

I believe, if the AF gets wind of this (and it won't be hard for them to do so) that they will see it similarly to the way I do. And they could discharge him over it.

I doubt it. Especially since I was in a military family and was military myself. Ever single mother I know that was military had to give custody to someone and regain custody after training. Your pay doesn't increase based on how many dependents you have. One dependent or eight dependents you still receive the same BAH pay. The dependency regulations are in place for the simple fact they done want you to be able to use minor dependents as a scape goat when it comes to going to hazard zones. If it was such a scheme no service member would have step children and still be in the service.

Well I was also a military wife, and the dependent rule for new recruits exists because entry pay simply isn't high enough to support more people than that should you have to move overseas. In the air force, it is especially common for families to be moved overseas. You job won't make a difference then. Deployment is one thing, you can't go then, but say your husband gets stationed in Germany. The military (or anyone else for that matter) doesn't realistically expect you to live away from him for years at a time if he isn't in a war zone. You'll move, and the military wants to make sure that he can support you and your children when you do. There are too many recruits available right now for the military to take ones with baggage or to provide waivers.

Scott is right. What you are planning to do is to trick the AF into thinking that he is eligible when he, in fact, is not. They will find out when two additional dependents magically appear a year later, and you are putting him at risk of discharge. If it means that much to you, just wait until after he enlists. You have said that you can provide benefits for the children (I assume that includes the unborn child), so why not do it that way?

I just wanted to add, that if that children are residing with you full time, they are your dependents, and the military will see it that way.