My GF broke up with me 2 weeks ago, we were seeing each other for 11 months but she lied in the beginning as she was still with her ex and 4 months into relationship I found out she went to Egypt with him for 2 weeks. When she came back she moved in with me and it was amazing. We had plans and was both so happy but because I was insecure I would not trust what she said and began to monitor her until 2 weeks ago she had enough and left. She says I was the 1 for her but refuses to give me another chance and says we are finished. She txt me last night as she was out with friends and said the following: Just to let you know me and the girls haven't gone out we are still in sarahs garden and drinking wine n having a good old catch up, just wanted to put your mind at rest.. . See I do still care :-) xxxx... should I have hope and what should I do? Please help! I love her so much

Two questions: Can you you still trust her? Does she even want you want?

Before we worry about her wanting you back, because that's a precondition of getting back together, do you still want her? How many more things do you think she does behind your back? If you're going to constantly feeling insecure when you get back with her, then things are only going to blow up again.

Yeah I can trust her as she proved me wrong so many times, I want her 100%

She booked the holiday just before she was seeing me then broke up with him after seeing mr for 2 months. She moved in with me at the end of April this year and we were so happy apart from when she went out as that's when I would question her and be paranoid! Now I've lost her and I'm beside myself and just want to text or call her constantly. She gave me an option which was to date but like an idiot I found faults in that now she says that she doesn't want to try again!!

I highly suggest you take the time to deal with your own issues as it seems the way this thing started with her being with someone else while checking you out is what makes you an insecure jealous fellow. You say you trust her, but I doubt you do, but rather miss her, and want her back so you say you trust her to get her back. Sounds good until she comes back and runs around with friends without you, and you bite your nails wondering if she is cheating.

I would give this a lot more thought because unless you change your behavior, you will be in the same soup again. With anyone, not just her.

talaniman, I appreciate what you are saying and it's exactly what she said to me but I got to a point where I realised how my paranoia lost her and not what I was paranoid about!

Major lesson learnt, but I need to establish if there is hope for us and what I should do for best!

She keeps saying it's over but also says that if I was to give her time and space to miss me, so taking her txt last night into account is there hope?

You need to let go and move forward because it best for you. It doesn't mean that someday in the future you won't find her again. However, it is way too soon to try being involved with her in any way including friendship.

You know you made some mistakes in the past. Right now, you are making another one by trying to hold on to hope whether it be false or not. At this time, get involved in your life. Try not to have contact with her. She should not have sent that message. It encourages you to think about what she is doing and to think you have some responsibility for her actions. You don't.

You have never had any responsibility for what she does. That is hers and hers alone. You are responsible for your own actions and your own healing. I know you believe you are better, but until you can go any length of time without getting an update on what she is doing or caring who she is out with, your resolve is not going to have been tested.

Take care of yourself. Don't think or worry about her.

If having a chance to get her back is your motivation for change, NO, and she knows it too. Prove to yourself you can change, by doing it without her, not just saying it, and only then can you establish HOPE of another chance.

talaniman,

My motivation to get her back is that I'm in love with her that's it. I can see that I've had no reason to doubt her as what she done was a mistake and I am deeply ashamed that it has taken me to lose her to realise that! So I know in my heart the person I am, I was in a 15 year relationship with trust so this was a first for me so I know the person I really am and that wasn't me so what should or can I do that's the advice I need

Let her come to her own conclusions, while you build a life that you enjoy. She may take a second look, and want to share that happiness with you. Being stuck on love is neither healthy, productive, or attractive.

Having your own life that makes you happy IS. Never know, but probably not what you want to hear. Its only been two weeks, so you trudge through it. She knows how you feel, so let her miss you while you get a life that doesn't depend on her. ITS IMPORTANT to handle your pain in a positive way, that doesn't compromise your dignity, and self respect.

This may not be who you are on a fundamental level, but it is how she affects you. Sometimes we meet someone who causes us to act of character. Sometimes it is for the good. Sometimes it isn't. In this case it isn't.

If nothing happened in your fifteen year relationship to cause you to lose trust, that is wonderful. However, this is a different situation with a different person.

You both have red flags telling you this relationship has major issues. She lied and was cheating on someone at the beginning of your relationship. You lost trust when you found out and instead of walking away acted out of insecurity until she left. Your instinct may have been more correct than you want to believe it was.

Quite frankly, I find it a red flag that she is telling you she is out with her friends and she still cares after she tells you it won't work out. It makes me wonder if she isn't playing games again and keeping you close while she finds the next person as she apparently did with the male before you.

Don't look back while you are trying to move forward. You will only keep tripping over the same warning signs.

Stop tripping.

If she wanted you, she wouldn't have gone on a trip w/him.
What? Then moved in w/you? Nice one.

Good for her. Sucky for you.
But you let her.

I would have a hard time trusting her too.
Use your gut, not your, well...

Are you ready to be single again? Or #2 or 3 with her?

She couldn't change her plans cause she booked it?
Cmon...

Like you said, she lied from the beginning.
You got with a liar

You say you trust her, but as you get so paranoid, you clearly don't. She's proven herself untrustworthy and she makes you feel insecure. I know its not what you want to hear, but you need to let her go. Take time for yourself, deal with your insecurities and find a girl who doesn't go on Holiday for 2 weeks with an ex, regardless of when it was booked.

She's a gameplayer and a manipulator.. She was seeing you for TWO MONTHS while she was still with her ex?! Do you really want a girl like that? And what makes you think that if you took her back, she wouldn't do the same to you?

I know you say you love her, but you need to look at the way she's treating you and stop making excuses for her.

But also, please try to work through your insecurities.