My daughter is a relationship and he lives about 45 minutes away. He has been a longtime friend of the family and they have know each other for years. Honestly I never thought they would hit it off. But they did with no input from me or her father .He is a great kid but has never had the family life. He says he loves her all the time . But she has been real jealous this week with him. She has also been sick this week and I think she misses him. He sometimes is rude to her and hurts her feelings but she does the same to him. I thinks she does it to see what he is going to do . She is only 16 and he is 17. She drives and He doesn't drive (Cause his dad won't go with him to get his license) So every weekend she picks him up and they usually spend the weekend with our family. Sometimes they go out on dates with other friends of my daughter. I think my daughter go over and beyond to make him happy because she feels sorry for him because his family is never their for him and he has practically raise himself. He has bought her a promise ring and he always tells her that he can't wait till they graduate from high school so they can get married or live together . The problem I have is that I just don't want my daughter to settle on her first love . But I have grandparents that have been married for 63 years and it was both of their first loves and it lasted And they got married when they were 16 and 18 years old. So I do believer first loves can last forever. But my daughter is very jealous of girl that he dated when he was 13 year old. I think it is stupid for her to focus on that. But he does keep in touch with this girl. He called and wished her a happy birthday. (Which my daughter thinks was wrong) But the relationship with his ex girlfriend ended because she slept with his friend. I don't like interfering in their relationship but my daughter does ask my opion on things or situations that happen with him. And I give my opion and sometimes it is her fault but sometimes it is his fault. I just wish I could understand why my daughter doesn't trust him when he is at school . She says she does but doesn't trust the other girls at his school. Give me your opion on these situations please
Thanks Dana4694

First off, let me commend you on the fact that your daughter feels comfortable enough with you that she discusses her life with you. There are a lot of mothers who do not have that kind of relationship with their daughters and wish they could. So, you have done an amazing job of gaining and keeping her trust. You should be very proud.

With that said, you should know by now that whatever suggestions or advice you give to your daughter, she sometimes does what she feels like doing, no matter what, even if you have advised her against it.

This is something that your daughter has to work out for herself. You can definitely be there to be listen, comfort, advise as you always have. But, this relationship needs to run its own course. They may very well get married. Then again, they may not. This is between your daughter and her boyfriend. If you advise her to stop dating him and take her time because she is young, and if he turns around and dates/marries someone else in a short period, she will blame you for making her break it off with him. If you advise her to stay with him and marry him, and they do get married, and two years after the marriage they have a bitter divorce, she will blame you for pushing her into it. Either way you lose.

They are still young and a lot can happen over the next couple of years. The best thing for you to do is to continue to be her support system and not comment on what you think her best course of action is. You need to push her gently to think things out on her own. If she asks you, "What should I do" answer her with "Well honey, what do you think YOU should do? Help her to learn how to make the right decisions on her own. Help her to undertand that being angry or jealous is a normal human reaction, especially at her age. But, ask her if she likes the way this jealousy or anger makes her feel. I guarantee you that she will say not good. Then say, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to feel that way all the time in a relationship. I always like to be happy and enjoy doing things with your father, rather than fight with him.

Someone on this forum may know of some books for you to read that will help you with coming up with the right questions and ideas to help you guide your daughter through her teen years. I am not familiar with any but I know some people here are. Wait a couple of days and see who else visits your posting. I am sure a lot of people will stop by and add their insights.

Hope this helped.

Glad to have been of help Dana. You are quite welcome. I am hoping that a couple of other members will visit this posting and give you the names of some good books.

You are a great Mom!

I'm 16 and I know where your daughter is coming from. I have a similar situation. I wish I had a good relationship with my mother; my mother thinks I'm too young to be in love with my boyfriend of almost a year. I used to get easily jealous when my boyfreind mention any girl or talked to any girl other than me. She obviously has some trust issues with this guy, it could be that he has done something to break her trust or it may be your gut instinct. Allow her to make her deciosns whether she thinks he is the one. She only is 16, and girls at my age are immature and can't stable a relationship. The fact he lives far away could make her feel insecure, like she can't trust him because he's far away. I'm sure if she loves him and he loves her, they will work things out and if not, she'll relaize sooner or later he's not the one.

He needs some intervention, and he is either a good kid or he is not,

If he is "making money" but does not have a job and hanging with the wrong people, I would have concern over my daughter being with him,

Someone needs to be in his life, both his mother and father need to work getting him the supervision he should have

My problem is I feel that if I don't allow him to come over here on the weekends then My daughter is going to rebel againest us. He enjoys coming over to our house and almost never wants my daughter to stay at his house. I think he likes the family part of it . It is only him and his grandma and she works. So he is by himself in the morning and by himself in the afternoon when he gets home from school all he does is hang out with his friends. I don't want to move him in with us because one he doesn't want to change school districts and two I feel I am interfering with his dad . Because his dad is very rough on him when he acts up or not. What to do??

Hello. I am in practically the same situation as your daughter. Except the fact that I am only 15 and my boyfriend is 16. He also raised himself. He doesn't drive, and my father hates him. We live an hour and a half away from each other and only see each other once or twice a month.

Anyway, back to the point. We are in love and I do believe that we will eventually get married, yes we have our stupid fights and get jealous, but if we trust each other it will work itself out. I think that you should tell her about what your feeling, not to lecture her, but to just let her know YOUR feelings on her relationship. Talk to her about him as much as you can (unlike my father) and she won't have to worry about trying to have a relationship when nobody but her and her boyfriend are trying. (which is a very hard thing to do) and I know she needs help with it. Even though she may not admitt it. So just try to be there in any way and she will eventually find out if he's the one or not on her own.

Just be nice and understanding towards him. Allow him to come over whenever but not allllll the time.

Yes I agree, let him come over when he wants to come over and be good to him because your family is probably the only people that he has being nice to him. But not all the time just whatever makes you comfortable.

I also agree, let him come over as often as you feel comfortable and if you feel like he needs emotional support then give feel free to give him some. As for your daughter, if she rebels for any reason just remember that you are the mother. Try let her know where you are coming from and listen to where she is coming from but stand your ground.

I agree. He probably isn't happy with his home life.

As much as I agree with what has already been said, I feel you all need to know it's most likely in vain.
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