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-   -   Is he using me emotionally? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=595289)

  • Aug 31, 2011, 04:25 PM
    lalalala43
    Is he using me emotionally?
    There's this boy, we've been good friends for 4 years now. 3 years ago I realized my feelings for him and dumped my then boyfriend before telling him how I felt. He didn't reciprocate, but our friendship was okay after a few awkward months.
    He has never been kissed. He's shy around pretty women. My feelings still haven't changed.
    He just left for college and I kissed him on the cheek the last time I saw him. Now we skype each other. I can't figure him out... He has not been in a relationship for about 3 years and constantly is going after women in relationships or who are emotionally unavailable or far away. He recently told me I had "violated" him by kissing his cheek... but at the time he had said "awww" and was happy. Afterwards, he proceeded to sing me a love song, saying it defined our relationship besides the love part (do you remember by Jack Johnson). I've still yet to figure that choice out. He never approves of any boys I am considering to date, most recently asking me not to go after one using weak excuses. (He used the word "please"). I'm starting to think he doesn't want me to be happy so I can stay single so he doesn't have to be single alone. But we flirt constantly and he tries to touch me out of what is probably sexual frustration. I don't believe that he views me as a sister like he claims- but is he emotionally using me?
  • Aug 31, 2011, 04:45 PM
    talaniman
    No he isn't using you, but you are allowing this weird bird to distract you from being happy, and enjoying your life.
  • Aug 31, 2011, 04:49 PM
    Alty
    He told you that he views you like a sister. Accept his words as the truth.

    He's not playing games, you're just clinging to the hope that he is.

    What he thinks about the guys you want to date doesn't matter. He's just trying to be a good "big brother", by taking care that you don't date someone that he sees as unfit. That in itself proves that he sees you as a sister figure.

    Enjoy his friendship. That's all he's offering you.
  • Sep 1, 2011, 06:02 AM
    agh1990
    Have you told him your feelings since you did three years ago?

    There are two scenarios here:
    1) He likes you, but as he's never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl he doesn't know how to approach you, because he's worried that you won't still have the same feelings for him as you did back then.
    2) He does genuinely see you as just a friend, but because he always finds himself liking girls who are unavailable to him, he likes to get the attention from you so plays along a bit by flirting with you, perhaps to boost his ego.

    It's a hard situation because you're friends and you have been for so long, but this carrying on the way it is isn't fair on you.
    I think you need to make it very clear to him that you still have feelings for him, and if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings, then you need to tell him that you want some space and try get over him. You can't carry on being close friends if you still have feelings for him, you have to wait until they go away.

    It's a tricky one, but I hope everything works out and good luck.
  • Sep 1, 2011, 01:19 PM
    I wish
    Seems to me that if he wanted something to happen, he would have made a move on you. It's clear that he's not scared to chase after women that he's interested in.

    Since he's only treating you as a friend, I suggest you do the same. It's only going to hurt you more by waiting for someone who doesn't feel the same way about you.

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