My husband and I have a 12 month daughter, whom we currently have a nanny come to our home to provide care for. Our first nanny, who began working for us started when our daughter was 3 months old and when her husband was restationed we had to replace her. Our daughter loved her and would get excited when she heard her lock her car in the mornings before coming inside. I loved that my daughter loved her so much, it told me the nanny was taking good care of her and that they had bonded. This relationship they had formed gave me the security I needed to go to work every day. Now, the new nanny, I noticed she watched a lot of TV throughout the day (she DVRs it and does not delete what she has watched), also my daughter never seems excited to see her. Now our daughter has begun crying, full blown crying with tears and anxiety, when the nanny shows up. In addition, my husband was doing some work from home last week and then had to get a few things done outside of the house, so the nanny came in to pick up a few extra hours (she is usually off on this day, but we had taken some vacation time, so we just switched days around), and my daughter acted like she didn't know who the nanny was. Also, she didn't want to stay in the room with her, and cried every time the nanny tried to pick her up. I don't want to be overly harsh against the nanny, but this behaviour truly concerns me. My daughter is cautious with strangers, but the nanny is at our home 4 days a week, for about 10 hours a day, she shouldn't be a stranger to her after 3 and half months. I am thinking about letting the nanny go and just would like some other opinions, I know being her mom I may be overly sensitive to the subject.

Thanks in advance.

My thought has always been this. If you, as a mom, don't feel comfortable with the person caring for you child, then go with your gut and find someone else.

You obviously have concerns. You don't have to justify them. This is your child. You know her best. You're the mom. If this person is making you feel uncomfortable, then it's time to let her go.

Please be patient with me, since I must ask a few questions.

Did you outline to the new nanny what her responsibilities are?

What is she supposed to do during nap time?

Does she have duties other than childcare, such as doing the baby's laundry or washing toys or simple cleaning?

The nanny actually worked for a week with the prior nanny before she left. We were very clear on what we expected and that we did not expect her to clean, do laundry, etc. The new nanny was to rinse bottles, dishes, as they were used, we would load the dishwasher or wash when we got home, but that we wanted time focused on our daughter. Our daughter usually takes a 1.5 to 2 hour nap in the morning and then another 1 hour nap in the afternoon. We told her she was free to watch TV, relax, as we knew it could be tiring being"on" all day. However, we thought it was clear that this was while our daughter was napping, or playing, but not all day.

Without a hidden camera (some people leave their webcam running all day) you don't really know if this might be your daughter reaching an age of attachment to you (and shyness with others), or if something is happening. I would either tape for a day or let her go.

How old is the new nanny and has she ever been a nanny before?

Have you ever mentioned any of her shortcomings to her and tried to correct her? If so, what happened?

How easy is it to find a new nanny?

Are you past the point of any further dealing with this one? Or do you think she might improve with a talking to?

The old nanny was 22 this nanny is 26. I have discussed wanting her to use the "Your Baby Can Read" DVDs as well as, "Signing Times" DVDs we have, and she will pull them out for 1 day and then they sit there. I am concerned about the sudden change in my daughter's behavior, when it seems to be isolated to this one person. Additionally, we have a potential new nanny to interview tonight, however, I am concerned that it may be my daughter, however, her reaction when my husband was leaving her was out of character, that type of upset is usually reserved for me. I don't know if I just have it in my mind that something is going on, but my gut feeling says there is more to this than attachment. But again, I know being her mom, and having to leave her, makes me more sensitive about everything and I do not want to act unfairly towards anyone.

Again, your gut is telling you something. You should go with your gut. You know your child, you feel that something is going on. You don't need to feel guilt or second guess yourself. This is your child, this is her care, and you're paying someone to care for her. That person should be someone you're comfortable with. If you're not, then find someone that fits the bill.

First of all, like Alty said, listen to your gut. Your gut feeling is rarely wrong. I've asked questions that solidify my own thinking that something is wrong. (I wanted to be fair to the new nanny and explore all possibilities.)

You've seen the difference in the attitude and behavior of both nannies, and you've noticed your daughter's reaction to both of them. You and your husband have noticed a difference. There's too much going on against the new nanny to be only your daughter's age or reaction to her. And hey! Shouldn't your daughter be eager to be with her new nanny??

Let us know how the interview goes tonight. Get your gut on alert!

Thank you all for your help. I will let you all know how it goes tonight with the interview.

Well, the potential new nanny had to reschedule the interview for last night to tonight, which actually worked out better for everyone. The good thing is that while my daughter was upset this morning when the old nanny (the one we are letting go) showed up, she wasn't quite as bad as she has been the last couple of weeks. I really like the nanny as a person, but now that a seed of doubt has been planted, I just don't think we can go back to that simple trusting relationship we had in the beginning.

Won't go into too many details, but I had a similar case. I am an airline pilot and have a nanny stay with my son when I travel. Many red flags appeared, and I too at 1st thought I was just being too cautious. After 3 months, I realized that my gut feeling is WAY more in tune with what's going on. If I am wrong, oh well. This is your child, not a rented car.
I later found out more than I needed to know (or wanted), and I was SPOT on with my "gut feeling". So glad I did not wait until it was too late.
I have had the same (new) nanny now for over a year and what a difference leaving and not having that "thing" knocking at my conscience.