I have been in a relationship for the last 17 months & my girlfriend has me miserable!We are both 34. She is just so angry all the time. She has Rheumatoid arthritis & I know this gets her down a lot. I have to give her injections every 2 weeks that she started about 4 months ago & her health has improved since then. She also has 2 kids from 2 different relationships, a 14 year old boy & a 12 year old girl. The boy is great & very well behaved but the girl can be a nightmare, I think the girl has a personality disorder to be honest, makes life hard on everyone around her, think she likes to get attention be it good or bad. Sorry if I am going on a bit but just want to lay out a picture so you can see where I'm coming from.

Anyway, the 2 relationships from the kids did not end well, the second one, the girls father ended very badly about 10 years ago. He made my girlfriends life a living hell, stalking her among other things. He has been out of the picture now for the last 8 or 9 years.

To the point! When we first met we use to have sex 3 times a day, now I'm lucky to get it once a month.
She can be very cold towards me & critical of me, the way I dress, how short my hair is after been to the barbers, the way I eat, I can never do right by her.

The other day I went round to hers & she was moaning & complaining about anything & everything, I knew she was looking for a fight, but I wouldn't give her one. Later that night she was still giving out & started making remarks that annoyed me.I disagreed with one of the remarks she made & she flew off the handle. She start going on about how different we are, that maybe she was better off on her own. After a while I just went home.

The next day I didn't ring or text her & about 6 o'clock she rang me saying she was sorry, that she was just feeling angry & was taking it out on me. So I said it was OK then went round to hers. Later on that night she said something that p***ed me off, that she wished I was a bit more cocky in my character. I said to her, are you talking about someone else? If you want someone more cocky then go out & get someone else, that I am who I am, can she not except that? She just sat there and said nothing.

We had another barmy tonight! Earlier I went around to hers for dinner & she needed some things in the shop so I went over for her, she gave me a list of things she needed & when I got back she was in a mood. I cooked the dinner but she kept making remarks again, I said nothing & sucked it up.
But then after dinner she made another remark that annoyed me & she could see it on my face & made another remark. I said to her what is her problem, did I do something to p*** her off, with that she started to say that maybe she was better on her own again, so I said is that what she really wants & she said yes. So I got up to leave but I gave her a peace of my mind first. I told her that the way she treats me is a disgrace, that she talks to me like I was s*** on her shoe, I told her I'm not going to stick around any longer if it keeps up.
I said I was sorry that she's going through bad times at the moment with the arthritis & all, that I want to be there for her but she keeps biting my hand, that she can drive me and everyone else away & go through it on her own if that's what she wants. I told her out right that I'm not going to take c*** off her anymore that I'm sick of it. She said she was sorry. I went out to go to the shop for a while and when I came back she seemed cool. Later when I was going home she said she was feeling down all day & the smallest things where annoying her. I said it was cool & gave her a kiss & a hug before I left.

We do get on most of the time & she can be the coolest girl in the world but lately she seems to get angry all the time for no reason at all.

This girl has a bad history with boyfriends, I don't think she has much respect for men in general & it is affecting our relationship, I've told her this before but she disagrees with me.

I've been thinking a lot about ending it lately, I've been feeling depressed but am still hanging on to the hope that things will get better, I'm not even sure if I love her anymore. All this stuff I am telling you is just the tip of the ice-berg! Sorry this is so long but I just don't know what to do anymore. Any advise would be most welcome. Thanks :)

Obviously she is not the calm sweet submissive princess, and dealing with her is a handful. As you told her, you are who you are, so it only follows that she is who she is. You want acceptance, she probably does also, so maybe it comes down to if you can manage your own feelings and the way she brings those feeling out in you.

While there is no shame in being overwhelmed by another person, and their ways, its key to know how you will deal with them. Or if you even want to. That would be where you start, because chances are she won't change, but you can change your strategy with dealing with her, if you decide she is worth it. Personally, I think that the best way to deal with emotionally overwhelming negative people is to keep minimal contact with them, but in your case, maybe some calm communications can pinpoint some changes you both can make going forward, as the mark of any healthy relationship is how well you work together through honest communications to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both.

Whatever makes her the way she is needs resolving, as she seems to have poor coping skills to whatever is bothering her, and she is the only one who can resolve her issues, and maybe guiding her to some help for those solutions would help greatly, and since you have already expressed that you will no longer put up with her crap, then be willing to follow up on those promises. Hard I know, but crucial, as to the signal you now send is you will forgive, until next time, and start yet again on this cycle of abuse, separation, and forgiveness.

To break this cycle, you have to change your actions, reactions, through your own thinking. If not, the crap will keep rolling down hill, for you both, until you become yet another failed relationship.

There is no shame, leaving an untenable situation. She may be beyond any help you can give her.

Sorry guy, but you have decisions to make, hard ones. I suggest you make them in a calm quiet isolated situation, and share them once your mind is made up.

I would be honest with her.

Tell her her how you are feeling. Something's got to give here.

My guess, is that you knew what you were getting into. She's got a lot of baggage. Now the honeymoon's over. .

Are you into the long haul? If not, split. Maybe this isn't right for either of you.

Is the effort worth the return. Its not sounding like it.

Threads merged


I'm 34 years old & so is my girlfriend.We have been in a relationship for a year & a half this month. The thing is she has been cold & distant with me in the past but for the last 2 months she seem to be distant all the time. Yesterday she invited me around for dinner so I went over to hers, we where going to rent a DVD & sit in for the night. I was only there 10 minutes when she said she was just going to chill on her own tonight but to stay for dinner. I was cool with that. After a while I was taking to her & I could notice she was been cold with me.

I was standing at the window having a smoke & asked her if she would like one, she didn't answer me so I said it to her again, this seemed to annoy her and she said she have one in a minute with a real angry tone.

I asked her if she would like me to go home now and she said, That's it make it about you! I was like WHAT!
I asked her what was wrong, why is she being so cold to me all the time? She said she was sick explaining her feelings to me all the time.
I ask her why does she seem not to care anymore? She said about what? And I said about anything I have to say.
She just didn't answer me after that & I said no more.

So we had dinner & afterward she asked me if I want to go for a walk in the park with her? I said yes. So went in & feed the ducks then walk around for a while. We didn't say much to each other, though I was trying to start a conversation.
So I walk her back over to hers. She said she would talk to me tomorrow so I went home.

Today I hadn't heard from her at all so I guessed she was probably in a bad humor. So tonight at about 10:30 I rang her, I rang her at this time because she has 2 kids & I wanted to make sure they where in bed so I could talk to her.
So I rang but she didn't answer. About 20 minutes later she rang me back. She was like ice on the phone to me. I asked her how she was & she said fine, silence, I asked her if she done anything today? And she said, no nothing, silence again! I ask is she OK, she said yep. I asked her if she would like to talk & she said no. So I asked her if I could speak & she said no! Silence! Then she said something like can I not have 24 hours without you.
I was like, sorry for ringing you but I just wanted to see if you where OK. She just said yea I'm grand. So I said OK, Give us a ring tomorrow if you want to talk and she just said yea & hung up.

I don't know what's going on with her lately, she just seems to be so angry all the time. I don't know if its me or something else. I've been so depressed the last few weeks and she doesn't seem to care.
I love her but I think that maybe we should break up. She acts like she hates me sometimes & I can't deal with it. Can anyone give me advise, she won't talk to me! Plus I'm starting college tomorrow as a mature student & I'm really nervous about and now I feel she is not there to help me.

If something is bugging her, how can she meet YOUR needs? When communications break down, leave her alone. It's that simple, but you both appear to be worried about yourselves, and are ignoring each others needs.

You are depressed, confused, and stressed. So is she it appears. Leave each other alone until you can listen as well as talk. If you cannot, well this has run its course and time to rethink, and re evaluate.

As I read your second post before merging them, they are almost alike, and they are both about you. Usually that says that two selfish people who cannot step out of themselves. Maybe it should be over. Maybe its time to deal with yourself instead of someone else.

You darn sure aren't helping or supporting each other.

You guys need to have a sit down, start talking about where this is headed.

Doesn't sound like either one of you are happy, respectful, patient, or anything else.

Do it sooner than later, then repeat.

Healthy relationships are based on communicating. Find a way.
Start by being calm & honest. Listen.