I have been incarcerated 3 times in the pass 11 years. I have a mental issue which I am dealing with. I was in for 27 months last time and have been out for 9 months. My daughter has not spoke to me and let me see my grandkids since Aug. 2004. I have tried everything. I know I have messed up put I have also paid my dues for what I have done. I have been married for 30 years and am so blessed to have my husband and it is tearing him apart. He has tried also. Any ideas or suggestions will be much appreciated. I just want my daughter and grandkids back.

I am glad your husband is standing by you and you are working on your problems. Do you mind sharing what your problems are? It might help to understand why you daughter is hesitant to forgive.

While you may be getting your life in order, your daughter is protecting her family from being hurt (again.) How many times over the last eleven years have you tried to get help or denied needing help? How many times have you slid back into a destructive pattern (including the times you ended up in jail/prison?) Keep in mind that she has probably been hurt several times over the years and may have deeper fears of what might happen if she lets you in than you know or understand.

Give yourself more time to become stable and give her time to see that you are really making progress this time. If she lives close enough, family counseling might help give a safe place to meet and discuss the issues. Don't try to force it. Don't allow or encourage your husband to put pressure on her to 'forgive' you. Live your life and let her see you are doing better.

Remember that while you are dealing with your part, she may still be trying to come to terms with how she feels and if she can trust you to be different than you have been.

Be patient. It may take years to undo the damage that has occurred.

Thank-you so much for your response. I know everything you said is true. I was in for forgery and grand theft. I have problems with money. I have no control of money anymore and do not want to be. I know I have hurt her and it is a trust issue, it is just so hard not having her and my grandchildren in my life. It hurts so bad. I know I have to be patience but it is so hard to. Thank-you.

You may have paid your debt to society, but not to the ones that you have caused personal pain to. Don't push, as it takes time and hard work to heal old old wounds and hurts and that's what your daughter needs, as she still feels the need to protect herself and her family from you. Maybe in time, after you yourself have better control, you can all heal and rebuild your lives together, but for now, don't force it because she just isn't ready.

I hope in time, you get what you want, and hope you and your husband keep working on yourselves.

Good luck, and have patients, and UNDERSTANDING.

Exactly what I was thinking, like tala said, the debt you repaid was to society, to your community, but the emotional damaged caused to your family members that looked up to you a certain way considering that you are a mother and a grandmother have not yet been fixed. It is not what you say that will cure this, nor do I know the things you have attempted to do to mend the situation, but maybe showing that you are a respected citizen and that you are in-fact a role model that they deserve to have in their life will give you a way for them to reopen up to you. As a mother and a grandmother you showed some actions that earned you that tile between the people in your family, however by being encarcerated you have disappointed them. Maybe try doing some community service or try to achieve some sort of recognition from your city so that you show that you can be and deserve to be not only a part of society but also a part of the family that they are proud of.

Good Luck,
Javi