He was my first love. We knew each other for 7+ years. We had an open relationship because I didn't want to destroy my reputation. He was the black sheep after all. I never said that I cared deeply about him. I never said how I felt. I was such a coward, I couldn't accept it.

He was always acting like a child, but he had a pure soul. We had some fights, and when I realized that I was wrong, I went back to apologize, but it was too late. He told me that our relationship made him sick, so he started dating my friends.

Time passed, but I was wounded, and I couldn't forget, and move on. Last week he asked me out, but he only played with me. Unfortunately the worst is that he became a narcotic. He changed so much. Now he is cruel and evil. I know that things will never be like before. I am incapable of loving.

It's almost 13 months without him, and I am lost, and alone. I don't want to live anymore. Please help me.



Edited/T

I think after 7 plus years of going back and forth with this fellow, you need more than just 13 months of working on yourself, and building a life without him, that you enjoy. If you let him go, you can find your happiness, after a proper healing, and you don't have to throw your life away for a fellow that no longer deserves your heart.

Move ahead and meet the one that does.

I agree completely with talaniman, after 7+ years you will need more than just 13 months to recover from a punch to the heart like this. You are not the only person that has experienced this and will not be the last, however it is no reason to not want to live anymore. Or to not want to love anyone ever again. It may seems that one because the wound is still open, but time will heal it and you WILL eventually get over this particular fellow, and even laugh at how a guy like this could have made you feel this way because by then you will have found someone better. I have gotten my heart broken a couple of times and let me tell you, that after time heals you, your relationships (if chosen well) can only get BETTER! Keep that in mind, and keep your head up, you will be OK.

Good Luck,
Javi

You're both full of kindness.I think I need more time like you said.thank you so much.

Don't live in the past.

"I didn't want to destroy my reputation"

Not sure what that means, but sounds like you already used your gut. Long ago.

That he wasn't right. Maybe that's what turns you on.

At some point you got to wake up.

"Now he is cruel and evil"

That isn't good. Now is it?

Being treated badly by a bad boy.

The scary thing is after 13 months. How about forgetting this him & getting your head in check?

Moving forward.

Start working on loving yourself- then you'll be able to have relationships with people who have a healthy approach to life.

Build a life you enjoy,with friends and family and interesting things to do.
And leave this in the past where it belongs.

Take care.