My boyfriend helps me out with house hold repairs and auto repairs, but doesn't help out financially otherwise. He has no children and I have 2 ages 18 and 21. My kids are quite and respectful but not happy with him. There is a lot of tension in the household. My kids friends also do not like him. He has lived here for about 5 years, working at his job 6 or 7 days a week. He is kind to me but does not try to get involved with my kids lives. I want to ask him to give me and my children some time to live without him to see if this is best for all, but don't know how to ask him to leave. Any suggestions?

I would say, if you love him he would understand if you asked him for some time to reconnect with your kids.. a month or so.. but if your kids don't like him and he doesn't help with money then is he really that great of a boyfriend/lifemate anyway?

He's lived with you for 5 years but doesn't help out with paying the bills? That's BS to be honest. So he helps with repairs... big deal. Just that on the surface would be enough for me to not like the guy if I was your kids. Maybe he's great in all other aspects (I said maybe as I don't really know) but to look at it outright, in my opinion, he's a bum. You're working, paying the bills, and I assume you're doing the housework as well (cooking, cleaning, etc)... but ooohhh... he helps with repairs. Step back for a second and take a look at that. He's been living for free for 5 years off you... you don't think your kids are upset that you're being used by him essentially?

Sooo... where, exactly, does his money go? He's working 6 to 7 days a week... where is his money?

Thanks Hazel, he saves it for a rainy day and buys parts for his toys... airplane, harley. I know I have been a fool, it is just so hard to hurt someone who seems to do just enough to make me happy, but it is obvious I'm not happy enough or I wouldn't be writing this. Thanks for your input.

I'm sorry... you came here looking for help and I didn't mean to be so nasty about your situation but...

Look at what you just wrote... where his money goes. That's ridiculous. You don't deserve that, nobody does. He's using you for a free ride and is treating you good enough to get by.

I apologize if I came across as unfeeling about this but I have known people like this (still do, in fact) and they p*** me off.

Also, yes, the fact that you came here asking indicates to me that you really already know all this but are having trouble either admitting it to yourself, or dealing with it. It's not easy but if you try, you will get through it.

Good luck to you.

He doesn't deserve you if he "does JUST enough to make you happy" you deserve someone who will try hard everyday to make sure you a beyond happy with your life and with your partner especially after 5 years.. and I know moving on can be hard but eventually you will look back and be happy about the change in your life you made

I find your situation quite sad. He's squandering his money on his Harley or his airplane? Harleys are not cheap but I know that Airplanes are REALLY EXPENSIVE. How did this guy get an airplane in the first place? By conning another woman into lending him or giving him the money to buy one?

And you let him live there for free in exchange for a few hours of work around the house or your car a month? Gee, can I send my son over? He's a great handyman and fixes my car and mows the yard, etc. BUT he's my son, not my boyfriend.

I'd listen to your kids about this guy. Sometimes kids can be jealous and then other times they CAN spot a phony or someone who is taking mom for a ride. My late mother when she would bring a new boyfriend home to meet me, if I didn't like him as I got a hinky feeling off the guy my mom would listen to me and find another guy.

So what happens to you after you've thrown more of your hospitality away on this guy for another 5 or 10 years and all he does is play with his Harley and plane and you are stuck no further ahead than you were before you met him.

My guess is he's probably around 40 and so are you and if he hasn't been married WONDER WHY? What is he NOT telling you? And if you happen to be much older than he is, then guess what? He's really playing you for the fool with a capital F. Young guy older woman up here in Ohio is the norm. Find someone else before you spend more time keeping this guy as that's what it amounts to.

He should be paying 1/2 of the household bills or 1/3 anyway,

It is totally not acceptable for him not to be paying a good and fair share. I have no idea why you ever accepted it.

You are supporting him, and it would be cheaper to pay for a few repairs, than keep him.

He is a jerk and to be honest needs to know that his daily living bills need to be paid.

He is basically a "kept" man with you paying for him, I fully understand why your kids don't like him, since he is cheating you and taking advantage of you.

And I am sure your friends are most likely laughing about it behind your back also