Ask Me Help Desk - Am I going in the wrong direction?

Help,

I have been married for 10 years but with him for 10 also, so 20 years, since we were in school and lately I have not been happy for about the last 5 or 6 years. My husband is a drinker and very lazy we have 2 kids and he doesn't help me do anything at all around the house, with the kids, nothing. I take care of everything, well I figured that's what life was all about and just dealt with it!! Until I met someone I get along with and talk with, now I'm wondering if my life is all wrong. I want to be with this other man, and have never felt like this before, is it so wrong to feel happy?? I am happy around him, and never my husband anymore like I'm going down a dead end road. I just have been depressed and had anxiety problems in the last 4 years, and wow to meet someone I never thought would be possible and now I don't know what to do about my messed up life?? Any kind words I would appreciate them.

How old are the kids?

If you are unhappy they will be too - think about that while trying to make your decision.

Sounds like a loveless marriage - I would be out the door, life is too short and there is enough crap and unhappiness in the world, we don't need to live with it day in day out.

Take care of you.

Stay strong and stay above the battles.

I know you asked for kind words but that isn't necessarily the right thing. You are/were unhappy and now you met a great guy. Before you met the great guy you were unhappy and weren't doing anything about it. You have children and that lazy guy is their dad. Try to get professional help and advice, even counseling. What you are considering is probably illegal in 49 states.

hello when I read your ? I about fell off my chair I will tell you I was married 22 years and 2 children My husband was a terrible drunk did nothing around the house did not even know his kids were around. I met a man on the internet from a game sight we became friends and fell in love well to sum it up I divorced and married this man I met on the internet he was married and in a terrible realationship, he also had 3 kids. We are HAPPY and we have 5 children out of his 3 kids we have one with us now and the 12 of feb going for the second one that wants to be with us sooooooo girl you be happy and most of all if you do this your kids will be happy!! ENJOY LIFE I give you this advise because I lived your nightmare and now I am in a dream come true . May god bless you and you take care and take the smooth road now hun you have lived the bummpy road for to long good luck!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluerose

How old are the kids?

If you are unhappy they will be too - think about that while trying to make your decision.

Sounds like a loveless marriage - I would be out the door, life is too short and there is enough crap and unhappiness in the world, we don't need to live with it day in day out.

Take care of you.

Stay strong and stay above the battles.

My children are 8 years and 2 years old. And they see I'm depressed all the time. And happy when their daddy isn't around. I just don't know how to tell him it always ends up he starts crying and says he can't live with out me, so I just give in. But now I feel stronger and I don't know if it is because I met someone who I really like.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darlene v

hello when i read your ? i about fell off my chair I will tell ya I was married 22 years and 2 children My husband was a terrible drunk did nothing around the house did not even know his kids were around. I met a man on the internet from a game sight we became friends and fell in love well to sum it up i divorced and married this man i met on the internet he was married and in a terrible realationship, he also had 3 kids. We are HAPPY and we have 5 children out of his 3 kids we have one with us now and the 12 of feb going for the second one that wants to be with us sooooooo girl you be happy and most of all if you do this your kids will be happy!!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY LIFE I give you this advise because i lived your nightmare and now i am in a dream come true . May god bless you and you take care and take the smooth road now hun you have lived the bummpy road for to long good luck !!!!!!!!!

How long did you suffer in your marriage before you divorced, after you fell in love with the other man? I would love more advise. I feel like I'm going crazy.

Hello this is darlene again I want to tell you a little bit about my story hun and hopefully it makes sense to you I fell in love with a man when I was 19 and married in 1981 we had 2 wonderful children a boy and a girl. Over the years my husband drank (beer) all the time just not being there for my kids or myself. I would say the last 5 years were the worst we did not talk. I could not wait for him to fall asleep so I was not so uncomfortable I just was sick of seeing him drunk. Oh yes when we would talk and I told him how I felt that I wanted out it was always the same story I WILL CHANGE I LOVE YOU and the TEARS. I waited till my children were graduated and I regret that to this day. My children saw there father as a drunk and no good who did not even know they exsisted and that is what hurt them the worst. I am remarried to a wonderful man and he does not drink and he treats me like a queen and I treat him like a king lol well we are just so happy! To make a long story short when I married this man and I moved to another state my children that were 19 and 20 came with me and my new husband. My children they live in the same town I live in and we are so happy as a family. The kids are thousands of miles away from there father but I won't let them speak bad because he is there father. I thought I was doing the right thing by staying but I know now I should have left years ago. I am not saying this is what you should do . But believe me there is a pot of gold over the rainbow think about everything before you leap and god bless and good luck. BE HAPPY!!

Sorry but he sounds like a child and may be using emotional blackmail to keep you simply to look after him. Don't fall for that crap. How can he be happy when you and your children are not? Move on, the kids are young enough to adjust. Besides kids need a dad, not just a man about the house.

If you feel your marriage is over, then it's wise to make preparations for a future without him. Don't fall victim to your husbands guilt trip attempts. Find a new home for you and your children or ask your husband to leave and file for divorce. Let the new lease on life settle in a bit before pursuing another relationship... Have friends and enjoy company, but give your children the time they need to adjust to the new circumstances.
-Kae

Part of the problem is he drinks and you let him around you. Every time he cries you give in so take part of the blame. Kick this bum out and tell him don't come back till he is sober. Deal with your kids and get your business straight and see a lawyer and be prepared to make this permanent. Only then can you really move on with no strings. I suggest this course of action since you have had 2 marriages and I'm very sure you where taken with them as you are with this other guy and as bad as this husband is or the other was you picked em', so your choices in men so far is suspect. Actually I think you need a friend not a lover. Give hubby the tough love he needs and see if it makes a difference.