How can my relationship with one daughter be so totally opposite of the relationship with her sister? And when she becomes haughty and judgmental, I say things I regret -- which causes the cycle once again. Is there any hope? The kicker is that I am divorced -- and she apparently has a great relationship with her new stepmother.

Welcome to this site!

It sounds like you already know what your triggers are, so be more watchful when your daughter starts to yank your chain? How old are your two daughters?

What I would do would be to get her to talk about her new stepmom. Really outdo yourself about her. Ask good questions, and as your daughter answers them, do the enthusiastic "wow"s and "so cool"s. Do they go shopping together or cook together? What kind of fun do they have together? Is the stepmom easy to talk to? Ask and really listen for and care about the answers.

Try that and let me know how it goes.

I agree with wondergirl.

But a side note to add, don't compare your daughters. They are not 'your children' in generall. They are 2 separate adults, with 2 distinct personalitys, and what works great for your relationship with one girl, will not work well with the other. I know this from experience, my sister is just like my mother, very independent, domineering, and strong women, and get along great. I on the other hand, am not as strong nor independent, and actually quite shy and timid most of the time, and my mother and I but heads endlessly and we can't find any common ground.

I urge you to find the common ground you have with this daughter, without thinking of your other daughter, and see what you can find with just the 2 of you.