I think I'm going to break up with him, but I have the fear not even THAT would help me feel better! He was in the Marines where he met his ex who was married "supposedly", separated, and he was married, undergoing divorce/separated. From what he tells me, he didn't cheat on his wife with his ex (yeah right? *rolls eyes*). I have a deep feeling he did, and he just doesn't tell me, and that makes him a cheater in my eyes... hurts!.

What's WORSE is his ex cheated on her husband too, and had an affair with him, and he was a willing participant What! This really puts some heavy stress on me when I think about it. I know it's a horrible past. He says he really loved his ex back then, and insist they never cheated BUT heck he even got fired from the marine corps for dating this chick, and that hurts me a LOT too, cause a love like that can't possibly be replaced, am I right?

So why the hell is he with me! I must be his rebound. He married his ex, but he filed divorce 5 years later, and its still unclear to me why.. Supposedly she just became cold, and distant, and that was it (Hmmm it really makes me wonder). He didn't want to divorce, but he did cause she broke off with him, which stabs me in the heart too, cause its sad to know he still loved her.

He reassures me everyday I'm not a rebound. After his ex wife, he had a small rebound, a friends with benefits sort of thing, but ended it, and then he met me.

I REALLY Don't KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I JUST REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO VENT ALL THIS TO, CAUSE ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!

We have been dating 7 months. He wants me to live with him, and has hinted he would love to marry me! I was almost dumb enough to accept living with him, but I'm TOO SCARED this guy has red flags all over! Yet why do I date him you may ask?? Because I'm stupidly in love, and before I knew all this mess in his past, I saw the great guy he shows to be and he may be telling the truth.

Of course I found some of his Marine discharged papers. On it, I noticed his ex seems like a messed up trick, she might have actually lied to him on lots of things. Its too long to write all of it down, but basically I'm stuck, NOT KNOWING WHAT TO BELIEVE!



Edited/T

I would say that seven months may be too soon to move in with someone, but I don't think it would be a good idea even if you had been dating him for years. It takes a while to truly get to know someone, but I don't think you are as interested in getting to know him as you are in proving he did what you think he did in his past.

Has he ever given you a reason to doubt how he feels about you?

Has he ever cheated on you?

Your insecurity is not his problem. You either trust him because you know who he is today or you walk away.

He does not owe you explanations about his past. He tells you he didn't cheat. People fall in love and fall out of love. People leave love behind when the relationship isn't working. They accept it is past, heal and go forward with their lives. He seems to have done this. Now it is your turn to accept it or move on.

You are worried about him cheating on you because of your own insecurities. It may be something from your own past is causing you to doubt him. That is for you to figure out and let go.

If you keep having negative thoughts about yourself, him, and the relationship, there is no reason for you to stay other than to hurt someone. You aren't showing love as much as you are possessive jealousy about a woman who is no longer in his life. You seem to be the one keeping her in the relationship. If you can't let her go, then walk away.

If you are looking for someone without ghosts in his past, good luck. Very few people have had no prior relationships, crushes, or thoughts about people they would like to have a relationship with.

Yup I know Im acting horrible but its like a feeling deep inside telling me I NEED To know his past to figure out how he's likely to be or act in the future? Is he meant to be taken seriously?. and also to HURT Myself I know strange but this is the way of my thinking rather hurt myself than have him hurt me and or prepare myself to be hurt by him so it hurts less...

No he hasn't given me reasons at all =( and that gets me more scared...

No hasn't cheated not that I know off at least

True its not his problem.. that's why Ive tried my best NOT TO MAKE IT his problem or else I'm sure he would have broken up with me LONG TIME Thinking I'm crazy! I'm quite aware of that.. I know I used figuritive speech on the post, basically he just does do agreat job in letting me know he loves me everyday.. Im very reserve with this side of me that just wants to breakdown for something that happened so long ago in his past yet hurts me today

Wow! You've used his same words the several times we have discussed this.. I Know I know I feel so immature sometimes for letting this get to me so much! Its horrible =( If I decide to move on I would ultimately feel like a loser/ quitter and wouldn't do much good in dealing with this problem I have constantly faced in my past relationships too =(

True I have bad past love experiences that have taken FOREVER to heal up and till this day I'm not quite sure I've really healed =( *sigh*

Nope the only one I'm hurting here is myself I would never hurt him like this showing him this side of me would tear him apart cause in his eyes Im Loving, understanding and secure about myself wich he loves but deep down I'm actually really scared of guettin hurt once more and I can't understand why he's done so much in his past I tend to have mood swings but Ive never once showed him I'm jealous of his ex almost never bring her up cause I understand it would be damaging to our relationship having her in it when he's now with me.. Im the one tormenting myself deep inside fist on her looks, then on how he got fired from the marines (that he's showed me he loved so much and meant so much to him) just for "HER",and now most recently suspecting he might have had an affair with her just really does it! I'm at breaking point =( its just so wrong... I Managed to forget and put behind me most almost everything else but the affair thing just hurts so bad ! Its tearing myself up deep inside I'm just being cold and distant in his eyes but in reality I want to go off on him on why did he do it?? What really happened?! Why would he!? Ugh its moraly wrong and it hurts =( or did he love her so much to commit such! Then that love won't be replaced with mine =( them I'm guettin scraps..?. anyway yeah I'm confused but strong enoughf to deal with my issues I guess

won't probably give up on this relation ship just cause of something so silly as his past overwhelming me I Figure I just need time, help and lots of coping to do, I really needed to vent too TY SO MUCH for answering! Your post really helps me keep my head straight and from bouncing so much off the walls ^_^!

It seems if you can keep from getting so carried away by your own feelings, you can relax, and have fun getting to know him better. I think you will cope well though, as not moving in with him shows you to be thoughtful, and fairly in control of yourself, and thinking before you act is a great sign.

Recognizing red flags is also another good sign, as it makes you cautious and leery of something to pay attention too. Damn, I really have no advice except keep doing what your doing, to get facts, and have all your questions answered by him eventually.

Just have fun, which is the whole point to dating. Even if it doesn't turn out exactly how you want it too.

You need to breath and forget his past.
1. he was married but getting separated, so almost anyone in that case may start dating, since divorce can take months and months. Also yes he most likely really loved, his ex and his other wife, ( AT the TIME) things happened.
If dating her got him discharged, it was not perhaps love, but maybe his lust or hormones but it was his having sex with her while still married, that did it, Love was not the issue,

TY Both so much :) I'll try to stop thinking about it and keep moving forward, since eventually only time will tell..

So true @Fr_Chuck since he did mention once lust was what he would describe happened in that last relationship,
Still makes me sad guess I had him up there as being so perfect that I Hit rock bottom when I found out his past, wich is his major flaw

I think you are a strong person and you don't want to put all of your fear and insecurity on him, but holding it in only works for a little while. The pressure builds up to a point where you explode and things can be said that shouldn't be and can never be taken back. Talking to someone who can help guide you through putting the negative feelings into perspective might be good for you if you are willing.

I understand you have strong feelings about infidelity and I share many of those thoughts. However, I do believe people can make mistakes and learn from them. We all make mistakes of one type or another in relationships and should be given a chance to show we have learned not to repeat them.

As for love, one love does not replace another one. A new love should not be compared to an old one. Each time we fall in love with someone it is unique because of the people involved. Each relationship has a chance to grow or fade away. If you both believe in the relationship and work on it together it will be far stronger and healthier than anything you have had in the past.

Trust yourself. Give yourself a chance to show you that you have learned from the past. Believe that you can find someone you can work with to build a future.

I haven't read the previous posts, so if I repeat something that's already been said, I apologize.

If my husband had considered my past and reacted the way you are, he would have run away.

I did cheat, on almost every relationship I had. I had been in love with someone, and he left me. I was never married before I met my hubby (we were only 19 when we started dating), but everything else, well, my past would send red flags to you too.

The thing is, my past was my past. It's called a past for a reason, because it's no longer relevant. We all have a past. Do you? Or are you saying that before you met this guy you had never dated, you were a virgin just waiting for the right guy, you never cared about anyone, you never felt you loved someone? If you were all those things, then you can judge. But, if you've ever even kissed someone else, you have no right to get mad about his past. He didn't know you then. He knows you now.

Thankfully my husband didn't judge me based on my past. He loved me for who I was when we met. We've been together 21 years now, married for 16. He never brings up my past. Heck, to be honest, my past is none of his business anyway. :)