Help!
I just discovered my domestic partner/husband/manflesh-thingy has been secretly watching porn videos at night.

I wouldn't worry, but our sex life has suddenly come to a standstill.

What do I do? I did a search on "porn" but I couldn't really find the answer I wanted...
(I'm new here but am on several Hobby for a that are similar so I'm not a total n00B)

I feel sick, sad, like laughing hysterically at how pathetic it all is, like I should grow up or something and not feel so insecure... but I think of him watching those young skinny girls poking "with professional detachment" at each others' pussies and I just feel kind sorry for him.

Also it's a real turn-off for me.

PS I'm 40 and he's 50
I look great for my age if I say so myself!

How about talking to him openly and honestly about your issues. If it is affecting your sex life then you should be able to discuss it with him.

Perhaps you could sit down and watch it with him? It may spice things up a little for the two of you!

Partner / husband / manflesh thingy? What exactly is he? Your live in booty call?
Not being rude either just trying to get as much info as possible and clear it up!

Oh that's my attempt at being humorous. At my age I feel silly saying "boyfriend". We've been together for oh... 9 years? Our son is six. We live like we are married, but there are some "moral" reasons I won't marry him.

Sorry, it is quite funny. I just wasn't sure if you were leading to something else. Sometimes it is hard to see humour in written form. No offense meant!

Well I still think that you should talk to him about it if it has had a negative effect on your sex life.

As I said, who knows, you may be able to sit down and watch some with him and enjoy it. You may not find it as big a turn off as you think.

You may be turned on by it and it could open up a whole new avenue for the two of to explore as far as your sex life goes.

Are you open enough to such a possibility? If you go to him simply with a negative approach then he will probably get defensive and guarded and it will end up being worse. If you go to him with an open and positive approach then you may get somewhere towards solving your issues!

Personally agree with Skell. You need to talk TO him, not AT him. Be open and honest.

I do have a question though. If you have moral reasons for not marrying him, what are the MORAL excuses you have for living with him? If you can live with him, you should be able to marry him.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by greyraven

Help!
I just discovered my domestic partner/husband/manflesh-thingy has been secretly watching porn videos at night.

I wouldn't worry, but our sex life has suddenly come to a standstill.

What do I do? I did a search on "porn" but I couldn't really find the answer I wanted...
(I'm new here but am on several Hobby fora that are similar so I'm not a total n00B)

I feel sick, sad, like laughing hysterically at how pathetic it all is, like I should grow up or something and not feel so insecure... but I think of him watching those young skinny girls poking "with professional detachment" at each others' pussies and I just feel kind sorry for him.

Also it's a real turn-off for me.

PS I'm 40 and he's 50
I look great for my age if I say so myself!

---

Okay! if your LDS you could pray about it and hope he stops. Or if your computer has cookies you could go to it and see what sites he's been on.

Sincerely iloveriley

I think that's disgusting... I think you should confront him about it and ask him if you and he need a little spice in your life? Maybe you and he can watch them together! Ask him what he's getting out of them if it is turning him on more than you turning him on. Communication is very important and maybe you two can even laugh about it and he can share some personal fears or things he'd like to do with you. Think of the Porn as educating, show you some new positions. Maybe you can role play and play dress up and get some sex toys. He may be going through mid life crisis and is feeling down or not challenged. Comfront him and see what's on his mind maybe you'll be feel closer. Marriage is a job that needs maintenance every now and then and some innovation and creativity could help so talk to him... Communicate!!

Oooooh no, no no no, that's natural. Well, at least I think. Guys will once in a while just go through one of these things where the bedroom just doesn't do it anymore. Every guy needs some private time to reinvent themselves.

My boyfriend and I are 26 and 21 respectively, and while we have a very active sex life and we're willing to pay attention to the other, sometimes you just need a little private time to get reacquainted with the one you love, you! Have you thought about maybe playing solo a little more often yourself?

He'll come around, there's only so much you can do alone. The best thing to do would be to make it spontaneous, tease him and then leave him alone (like you don't have to do something EVERY time the chance comes) and most of all do something that involves no work for him until you two get back into the swing of things. New stuff is cool but don't make it too exotic, try a new lube or a new place in the house, or maybe a nice cup of warm tea and a special kiss (works every time! :)) Good luck!

My opinion is that porno is degrading and just seen from the point of view of men.There are many good books and e-books out there to learn more about sexuality and how to spice things up.I would find it disturbing,too,if my partner is more interested in porno than me.I also found that often at this point it does not matter what you do.If you try to imitate what he sees on the porno sites you will get his interest for maybe a few minutes but as reality is not like movies,it will quickly wane.I think there is more going on.Talk to a counselor...