My boyfriend and I have been in LDR for almost 2 years and recently I made a move across several states to be closer to him (we're still LDR but we're only a few hours of drive away). While moving, I discovered that he has been emailing another girl for a month. These emails were flirty and full of sexual fantasies. And the worst part was, he was still emailing her while we were hanging out. I confronted him and told him it was over between us. He asked for forgiveness and begged me to give him another chance, and he explained that he was lonely and he was weak when the opportunity presented itself. He swore he didn't have feelings for the girl. But I still can't get over the betrayal, lies, and deceit. We agreed to take some time apart and that I will contact him once (if!) I forgive him.

Although he pledged his love to me before I left, and he texted me a couple of times during the first few days that I was gone, he hasn't tried to contact me in the last few days and it's been about 2 weeks now. I'm afraid that he might resume contact with that girl and is having a jolly old time. I still love him and I wanted to forgive and forget but negative thinking keeps popping in my head, and it makes me angry and depressed all over again.

I don't know if it's worth trying to save the relationship especially since we're still going to be LDR. The last time we talked, he sounded very forlorn and seemed to be doing some soul-searching. Should I consider giving this relationship another chance since I really do love him, or should I cut my losses and move on? Any advice would be helpful.

His assertion that he was 'lonely and weak' does not ring true if he was contacting her while you were hanging out. That he took advantage of an opportunity does and I would be concerned about him doing it again.

I would cut my losses and let him go. If nothing else you need time to let the hurt and pain go so you would be able to allow the trust to rebuilt. As long as you are upset and worried about him contacting her because you aren't available, you won't be open to giving him a chance.

Love is not enough of a reason to stay in a relationship when there isn't any trust.

He's shown that he can't be faithful. It's either something that's in him, or he doesn't care that much about you. Guys that care don't cheat. Cheating is a choice. Loneliness is an excuse.

If you want to forgive him, then that's up to you. But to me all of his excuses don't ring true. He's shown that he can't be trusted, and personally, I wouldn't trust him again. But that's me. This is up to you.

I asked him why he was still emailing her when I was next to him (he usually works using phone so I thought it was work related anytime he was on his phone) and he answered, "it was addicting." This girl was a childhood friend and he considered her one of his best friends. She is currently married and he told me what started as innocent flirting got out of hand.

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Originally Posted by greenhaven

I asked him why he was still emailing her when I was next to him (he usually works using phone so I thought it was work related anytime he was on his phone) and he answered, "it was addicting." This girl was a childhood friend and he considered her one of his best friends. She is currently married and he told me what started as innocent flirting got out of hand.

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Okay, I have to say this because I don't want you to make a mistake.

I can accept that answer from him. Why? Because I'm a flirt. I am happily married, and I would never ever ever ever cheat on my husband. But, I do flirt. It's who I am. I will email flirty emails, and I will send sexy emails. The thing is, my husband knows about it, because I hide nothing from him, because there's nothing to hide. I am a flirt. It's who I am. My husband accepts that.

So, the issue I see is this. Can you accept that he's a flirt? Has he told you that flirting is all that it was? Was it serious? Is he willing to show you the emails he sent?

This may not be something you have to end. You just have to decide what you can accept and what you can't. My husband knows I'm faithful to only him. I flirt, but nothing ever comes of that, and I only flirt with people that know that.

You two need to talk about this and figure out what's okay and what's not for both of you.

Altenweg, thanks for that point of view. I did consider that. I think it would have been forgiving if they were all innocent banters. I mean, how far would you flirt before it becomes out of line? I mean, this childhood friend of his used to like him since goodness knows when. I read most of the emails and while he and I were together, the girl would tell him to ditch me. Some of the things he wrote to her were "I wish you were here instead..." So to me, that was emotional cheating. Granted, we weren't in the best of terms the whole time we were hanging out. He and I were bickering at times and I could sense that he was distant from me. He told me that he only said the things he knew she wanted to hear. I don't know what to believe

I am married to a man who flirts a lot more than I do. It is part of his nature and I find it entertaining. Like in Altenweg's (Alty) relationship, we talk about it and if I think he is getting close to crossing a line, I let him know. However, it sounds like your boyfriend crossed the line and trampled on it.

I am concerned that he says he was telling her what she wanted to hear. When someone tells me things like that, I wonder if they are telling me what they think I want to hear. It makes me even more cautious about believing anything thing they say.

Only you know if you can forgive him enough to let it go and work together to rebuild the trust.

I was all for just moving on until you brought other fact into this. Sure he was a bad boy, and crossed a line, but you properly scolded him. If you can't forgive, and work on it, don't expect him to just sit in limbo until you change your mind. Make up your mind, and let him know what you expect, and see how to proceed.

Good, or bad, men have short attention spans, and can be even worse when left to sit in the corner to long. He will hurt so long, heal and move on himself, so I think you make a decision, and stick to it. Is he worth another chance or NOT. Only you can answer that.