Ask Me Help Desk - I'm So confused

So, here is the deal, me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 2 and half years. A month or two ago so decides that she wants a open relationship. I didn't want one but to make her happy I said sure. She basically wanted one because she loves me deeply and I love her but she didn't t want to regrate not exploring her options in males. So a few days ago she said she was going on a date with the guy that I know, but she always said that she only say him as her long lost brother of sorts. I don't trust the guy at all. Once there were all out together and she gave him friendly kiss on the cheek and he turn for the lips. I just about killed him there but I didn't. I just don't trust him and they have a date this sat. and I don't know what to do! I don't want to lose her because I don't know what I would do with out her I love her with all my heart. I just don't know what to do. Help please!

Tell her how this makes you feel. If she really loves you then she'll respect your feelings and not go through with this date.

Are you serious? An open relationship?

I just don't understand them. Not one little bit. Perhaps I could agree with it if both parties want it and are able to handle it but you have clearly said you don't want it.

You are only going along with it to make her happy. What is wrong with you??

Stand up for yourself man! If you don't like something say so!! Does she control everything you do? Are you a man or a little puppy dog on a leash??

She loves you but wants to explore other males? Now I think that is almost what they call an oxymoron isn't it? She loves you so deeply that she wants other men? Hahahaha. Forgive me for finding that amusing, as it clearly isn't!

Can you see how people will find this statement a little hard to fathom? I certainly do, and I find it even harder to fathom that you are actually justifying her actions in your post.

If I were you the minute this girl asked me for an open relationship I would have been running for the door.

It seems as though you are only allowing this because you fear if you don't she will leave you and you will be lost without her?

Not the case. You won't be. In fact you will be better off without a person like her.

You will be free to live a life that isn't controlled by a (insert what you like here) and will one day find someone who is so "deeply in love with you" that she would never consider the need to "explore another man".

Please, do yourself a favour and get out of this thing.

Oh yeah, what would happen if you told her you went on a date last night with another girl and things got a little steamy and you stayed at her house? Would your girlfriend, and I use that term loosely, be happy about that?

No of course she does not love you deeply, if she did she would not want an open relationship. This means she wants the security of you till she finds better.

Yeah, but seriously, if she really does love you, then she won't need to start seeing other men. This is just her way of breaking up with you, no offense, without trying to hurt your feelings. I think she cares about you to some extent but she is secretly hoping that you'll meet somebody else and fall for them and that you'll be the one to end it. She is just trying to avoid the turmoil of an actual break-up and is instead hoping that you'll be the one to initate it.

It's really very simple, you want an exclusive relationship, she doesn't. She's not serious about you and from your post, she's probably not very honest either. If you want to avoid the pain and confusion that she will surely bring on you, I suggest you move on. Let her know that you need someone who is mature enough to know that they only need one person and you need to be that person. If she doesn't accept it, walk away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z2pilot

So, here is the deal, me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 2 and half years. A month or two ago so decides that she wants a open relationship. I didnt want one but to make her happy i said sure. she basically wanted one because she loves me deeply and i love her but she didn't t want to regrate not exploring her options in males. so a few days ago she said she was going on a date with the guy that i know, but she always said that she only say him as her long lost brother of sorts. i dont trust the guy at all. once there were all out together and she gave him friendly kiss on the cheek and he turn for the lips. i just about killed him there but i didnt. i just dont trust him and they have a date this sat. and i dont know what to do! i dont want to lose her because i dont know what i would do with out her i love her with all my heart. i just dont know what to do. help please!

I know how you feel I'm a woman but its all the same I feel if she really love you no one else matters evidently she doesn't if she wants to date other people I think your love is deep for her besides who knows what goes on with the dates are they having sex but if you go along with it that's you I wouldn't

Before you get Chuffed, I'm going to suggest your read, reread, then read again Skell's post. It is dead on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z2pilot

So, here is the deal, me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 2 and half years. A month or two ago so decides that she wants a open relationship.

What she really decided was she didn't want you but instead of going through the emotional pain letting you know. Plus this way she can date others and come running back to you when she gets dumped.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z2pilot

I didnt want one but to make her happy i said sure.

Sure. Why not. Where is your head? She told you that she's going to open her legs and have sex with other men then bring that back to you and you say "SURE" to make her happy. If she tells you to rob a bank because she is happy with money do you do that? If it will make her happy? Are you not part of this relationship?

I'll tell you right now, after only reading this little paragraph how it got to this point for this relationship. You have for 2 and half years caved into everything she has ever said. You have never once questioned her. You have never once stood your ground. You have never once set a guideline for her not to cross as it relates to respecting you. For 2 and half years you have set the seed. You have done everything to make her happy at the expense of your own. So now here we are and she's walking all over you again, by not only disrespecting you, but by flaunting it.

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Originally Posted by Z2pilot

she basically wanted one because she loves me deeply

Something’s deep all right, but it ain’t love. She loves the fact she can dump all her problems on you and then make you do whatever she wants. She doesn’t love you at all. She doesn’t even respect you. In fact I think I can clearly say she doesn’t even like you. She just likes having you there to worry about her problems instead of her.

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Originally Posted by Z2pilot

and i love her

I have no doubt in my mind that you do. But you can’t torture yourself more to make love grow.

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Originally Posted by Z2pilot

but she didn't t want to regrate not exploring her options in males. so a few days ago she said she was going on a date with the guy that i know, but she always said that she only say him as her long lost brother of sorts. i dont trust the guy at all.

Let me get this straight. YOU DON”T TRUST HIM??

She’s flat out told you that she’s going to have sex with multiple men, then maybe have sex with you later giving you God knows what, and you don’t trust HIM?

HELLO!!

Can this woman do anything wrong? You bend over backwards killing yourself emotionally and you say it’s okay because it makes her happy, she sleeps around and you blame the guy?

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Originally Posted by Z2pilot

once there were all out together and she gave him friendly kiss on the cheek and he turn for the lips. i just about killed him there but i didnt.

She kissed him and you were going to kill HIM. Wow. Do you even own a pair of pants in this relationship? She not only does she wear them she flaunts it.

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Originally Posted by Z2pilot

i just dont trust him and they have a date this sat. and i dont know what to do!

Well there going to do it. I know that because she’s a whore that has told you she is going to sleep with other guys. Yeah I said it.

Let’s be honest though. This won’t be the first guy outside of you that she’s slept with in the last 2 years. She’s got you so wrapped around her finger I’d bet she’s been screwing around for at least a year. She’s just now coming around to see how far she can push you by telling you she’s going to have sex with a bunch of other guys.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z2pilot

i dont want to lose her because i dont know what i would do with out her i love her with all my heart. i just dont know what to do. help please!

I believe you do love her with all your heart. I don’t doubt that for a second. But loving her with all your heart while you suffer is not true love. Why don’t you save some you heart for you. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself.” This is a great example. You’ve given so much of yourself that you’ve run out of anything to give. Your emotionally dead. Now she’s moving on and your left to pick up the pieces. How is that fair to you. Even if you look at it from her point of view, what is she going to see in you? Women want men, and if she can push you around and let her get away with this, then your not a man in her eyes. Your just someone to drop her problems on.

But forget about her. Look at this from you viewpoint. Your getting emotionally killed by this woman and she doesn’t care one bit. She doesn’t love you. That’s not love coming from her.

The others have hit it on the head pretty good and I have to ask, why would you go along with something you are against? There ain't that much love in the world to make me bend over and kiss my own azz in public.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z2pilot

So, here is the deal, me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 2 and half years. A month or two ago so decides that she wants a open relationship. I didnt want one but to make her happy i said sure. she basically wanted one because she loves me deeply and i love her but she didn't t want to regrate not exploring her options in males. so a few days ago she said she was going on a date with the guy that i know, but she always said that she only say him as her long lost brother of sorts. i dont trust the guy at all. once there were all out together and she gave him friendly kiss on the cheek and he turn for the lips. i just about killed him there but i didnt. i just dont trust him and they have a date this sat. and i dont know what to do! i dont want to lose her because i dont know what i would do with out her i love her with all my heart. i just dont know what to do. help please!

Why don't you try to sit down and talk to her tell her how you feel. And then see how things go from there.

WOW, Stop being confused. LOVE very big word that means a lot more to you than to her. Let me ask you, if you turned the table on her how would SHE feel if you asked her the same request? There is no, and I mean no respect in this "relationship" for you. How can you say that this is love. Holy cow, I would never, ever let my boyfriend have an open relationship unless I agree upon it too, in other words there is no relationship, just sex. Do you really think that she is all that and a bag of chips? Do you think you can't find anyone else? If so you need to rethink about your own self, and find respect for yourself, quickly. And about sitting down and talking to her and how you feel, do you really think that's going to work. Go find someone that is going to love you and respect you. You need to get rid of this pain, quickly

There's billions of girls out there. Just think that maybe for a second, one of them could love you and care for you and respect you enough not to treat you like this. She'll probably be better looking too. I feel your pain buddy. I'm going through something similar with my girlfriend of 3 years. I'm telling her to cut the crap tonight or I'm leaving her. I suggest you do the same with her.

Let her go. When you do... make sure you tell her... no way to her idea... that you want a one on one relationship with her because...

Then walk away... and start dating... avoid any phone calls from her... tell her what she needs to do is explore her options but with you not in the picture. She is stringing you along... you are her fall back guy... if doing this seems cold to you... think about how cold she is towards your feelings.

Walk away into the sunset and don't ever look back. Just over the hills are better pastures.

Its her you shouldn't trust mate not him.. I say get out of that relationship while you can before you get hurt man..

I agree with the rest of the guys.. she does not love you.. if you love someone you only want them right.. like how you feel with her. Don't think you being nice and letting her do this. Will make her love or respect you..