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-   -   Why do I have a notion that I might not like him like I say? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=593367)

  • Aug 18, 2011, 06:04 AM
    ladybirdherd
    Why do I have a notion that I might not like him like I say?
    I met a boy at a party four years ago. We spent the night together talking till late. I made it clear I had a boyfriend, but it didn't stop me from enjoying his company. We kept in touch, and met up every so often. It was clear that he was really in to me, but as I always had boyfriends, I never thought of him in that way. He was always very romantic with me, showing me the stars, but I chose to ignore his attempts at wooing me indirectly.

    For the last four years I've been all over the shop, and been in too many relationships, but always this boy would come, and visit me and still be impressed with me much to my confusion.

    I have never had a friendship like this before, and after a wonderful adventure to London one night I began to see him in a different light. He'd grown up a bit, and his clumsy ways in front of me seemed more cute, and goofy. I am quite a sexual person and I always thought he was too reserved for me, but we spoke about sex for the first time, which made me see he maybe wasn't as I had expect (in a good way if that doesn't sound immature).

    A couple of months ago, I broke off from a relationship I'd spent a year dedicated too, but I realized toward the end that we were just very good friends.

    During my breakup with my ex, I met up with my friend once again. He gave me a flower, and I was touched. It was later unveiled through my prompting that he had indeed cared about me for the last four years, and I told him I felt for him too.

    The last few months we have become very close, almost too close considering I have only just broke up with my ex. Our feelings have become very intense, and although I realize I'm young, I can see that he would be the perfect partner for my future. However, despite the amount of happiness he gives me, and how much I love being his girlfriend, every so often I worry that because I never felt romantic feelings for him before, how can I all of a sudden feel that way? Is it a niggle for a reason, or am I just trying to protect myself from something that is good for me, or do I not know what it is to have mature feelings for someone, as I have been so wrong in the past.

    It has become clear that I need to sort my head out, and that so does he. We both have growing up to do, and I feel that it will benefit us both if we do really care each other, and want to be together in the future. But I worry that I have lost him forever.

    I do not know what my gut feeling is anymore. My gut before was that I didn't care for him in that way the last 4 or so years, but now my gut is utterly confused.
  • Aug 18, 2011, 04:55 PM
    talaniman
    How old are you both? You have been friends for a long time, and now your dating officially, so enjoy this without looking too deep into the future. I think your doubts come from jumping to fast into another relationship, and you have to many lingering doubts, being you have been friends so long, but dating is much different, and much more intimate than just friends, or buddies.

    That's why your ages are very important, since most of us have other, more personal issues to resolve at the end of a relationship, and need time to let the emotional dust settle on the old before we are ready to start the new.

    Not unusual for the very young to jump from one to another very quickly, sometimes to quickly. Go slow, have fun, until your gut is less confused, or you figure out your feelings better. I think your confusion comes from seeing things to far into the future, and you don't know if the feelings are of short term comfort, or just fantasy. Or if you have just latched unto a friend to get you through the healing process.

    Time will tell, so don't get to carried away right now as its only been a few months hasn't it?

    How old are you both? How long in the past 4/5 years have you been single more than a month??
  • Aug 19, 2011, 12:55 AM
    ladybirdherd
    We are both twenty and in very different situations.

    I haven't spent a lot of time single which relates to all you have said. I have things to figure out about myself and I realise that.

    Unfortunately, I have cut things off with him to focus on myself but I know that I will lose someone special forever. I know you have heartbreaks when you're young but I feel like he is/was my significant other. But I know if I stay with him now I will feel trapped later on like I didn't have time for myself.. it is hard to explain that to someone. I could not bare letting him down like that.

  • Aug 30, 2011, 11:59 AM
    spitvenom
    Its funny, you two sound like me and my wife. We were friends I always had a thing for her but I just thought I wasn't her type. She would be in and out of relationships and so would I but we would always be there for each other as friends. Then I was gone for a month (Had a wicked infection) and in that time she realized how much she loved me and so did I. We started dating she broke up with me after a few months. After a few months of us being broken up we saw each other and have been together ever since. I saw give it a chance to grow.

    You already know he is a good person and friend so build on that. Honestly romance is important in a relationship but being friends is even more important.
  • Aug 30, 2011, 01:54 PM
    talaniman
    ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to spitvenom again.

    Quote:

    You already know he is a good person and friend so build on that. Honestly romance is important in a relationship but being friends is even more important
    Romance is sporadic, friendship is steady... well most times.

    Quote:

    unfortunately, I have cut things off with him to focus on myself
    That's for the best right now, as you know best what you need now, to heal.

    Quote:

    but I know that I will lose someone special forever.
    Feels like that now but you never know what happens in life, and that unknown in the future is what keeps us going. It will get better, when you are ready.

    Quote:

    I know you have heartbreaks when you're young but I feel like he is/was my significant other
    .
    LOL, felt that way many times, that's how break ups make you feel, but you realize later it was for the best.

    Quote:

    but I know if I stay with him now I will feel trapped later on like I didn't have time for myself.. it is hard to explain that to someone. I could not bare letting him down like that.
    It was a hard choice I know, but you made the decision you had to, and unfortunately it will be felt for a while. An adult decision that tears you up, but wise that you did what you had to for yourself. I think this will help you both, even if you don't end up together, but who knows? No one does. At least you have time to work on YOU, and that's what's important.

    You will be okay, you will see.

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