My boyfriend and I have been together over a year now. I'm 20 he is nearly 27. Our sex life was great in the start 4-5 times a week. But with in the last 6 months we hardly have sex. Once a month I would say. He gives me pecks on the lips and cheek but hardly ever a French kiss. I have to always push for one and I'm the one that pushes for sex. I try to come on to him when I can but he just pushes me away n tells me let's just cuddle. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, and it's getting me upset to the point where I cry laying next to him and he doesn't notice. I also feel that he doesn't find me attractive anymore. I have asked him about it and he saids that we don't have to always be having sex, but surely once a week would be nice.
Anyway got any tips?

What has changed in other areas of the relationship?? Are you making love to each others minds?

Have you told him that this is important to you, that you cry yourself to sleep at night because of it, or are you just hoping he'll figure it out?

We gals don't always communicate well with our guys. I know I'm guilty of it. For example, I work all day, I'll come home and my husband, who works nights 2 weeks out of the month, will have slept the day away, left the kitchen a mess, socks on the floor, the bed isn't made, nothing has been done. Instead of telling him how I feel, I'll be passive aggressive. I won't do his laundry, or I'll leave his dirty dishes on his spot of the table. At least that's what I used to do.

The fact is, guys need to be told. You can't expect him to read your mind, or hope that he'll hear you crying at night and ask what's wrong. You have to tell him that this is bothering you, and that once a month isn't enough for you.

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Don't be confrontational, just tell him that this is bothering you, and it's making you question his love for you.

Are there money worries, Job worries ? Has he had any performance issues ?

Now while it should not, it is common at some stages for sex to slow down, if you were saying it dropped in half, at times real life, jobs and being tired takes over

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Are there money worries, Job worries ? has he had any performance issues ?

Now while it should not, it is common at some stages for sex to slow down, if you were saying it dropped in half, at times real life, jobs and being tired takes over

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So true. Stress is usually a huge factor when sex slows down significantly.

All the more reason to talk about it.

There is truth to the fact that sex is usually more often when you're a new couple, and tends to slow down once the "honeymoon" stage is over. But for it to drop from 4-5 times a week to once a month, that's not the norm.

It doesn't sound like he's lost interest in you. It sounds like he's lost interest in sex. There could be many reasons for this. Stress, job issues, real life issues, medical issues, etc. etc.

The bottom line, you're a couple. You have to work this out as a couple. The only way to do that is to talk to each other and be honest with each other.

"Are you making love to each others minds??"

That's the real key. Listen to Tal & Altenwig & FrChuck. They know.

"You have to work this out as a couple"
"it is common at some stages for sex to slow down.

Communication.

Its been a year now. Sex, yes, now start talking.

Your future? Together? What got you both here in the first place. Why are you are both together.

What's next?

Thanks guys for the comments. I have talked to him about more then obce but he just comes out with we don't see each other a lot so u just want to cuddle n watch TV. One big issue I would say is that most weekends he is drunk and I have to take him home n put him to bed

Well, that's a big issue.

Didja know that before? You must have.

No wonder. He better buck up, or you may be out the door.

Or you may realize he isn't worth it...

Stop playing into it. Fix it. Sounds like you're his warm babysitter.

Hes got it easy. He can say whatever, but what's he doing?

Take a stand or spilt.
There's cooler guys out there who will treat you better.

I think you need a better relationship-with someone else...
What are you,his nanny?
He doesn't seem to be willing to do anything to keep this working-time to show him the door...

I would say the drinking has got worse as his job has been bad for the past year but then it's always been bad since we have been together. I love him love loads but he just doesn't seem to want to be close to me

Gem,it takes two to tango.
You can't carry a relationship alone.
This guy sounds like an alcoholic.
Alcoholics have relationships with bottles,not human beings.

Alcohol and stress are probably the problem more than a loss of interest in you.

The job may have always been bad which may have been eating at him and now it is getting worse. He is using alcohol to escape. It is a very bad combination. It is also one that will not fix itself especially if he has people enabling the drinking.

Has his alcohol consumption and getting drunk bothered you? Have you calmly explained to him that you don't enjoy taking him home drunk? If not, wait until he is sober and with as little confrontation as possible let him know you don't want to be his designated driver. You want to be his girlfriend. Talk to him about other methods for relieving stress which do not include getting drunk.

How often do you see each other? How often do you try to get him to have sex? If he is already stressed, then adding pressure to have sex is going to cause more issues. He will back off because it is one thing he can control.

Do you enjoy relaxing with him and cuddling? Do you see it as either cuddling or sex? Why not have both if you are both up to it? Start with relaxing and letting the stress melt away. Talk about scenes or locations in the movie you are watching that look interesting as things to try or locations for fantasies. Let it be a way to get you both in the same frame of mind. Foreplay begins long before clothes come off and sometimes men need time to let distractions go before they are ready. Even if you don't have sex, enjoy being together.

If he isn't willing to communicate or work with you to make things better, then you have to make a decision about whether you stay with things as they are or you walk away before it gets worse.

Yeah I have spoke to him when he is sober but he just saids sorry and that he drinks to see me as I work in a bar at night. But he just can't stay at home m relax. Unless his flat mate is out which isn't very often as her boyfriend goes rounds theirs.

There's always some excuse.

What are you planning to do about it?

I'm trying to speak to him now about it over text as I'm at work. He hasn't text back which means he doesn't want to talk about it. N will text me in about an hour changing the subject

May I suggest waiting to discuss the issues until you are together and there aren't any distractions. It helps keep misunderstandings and confusion to a minimum.

Good luck.

Edited to add: If you don't have time to sit down and talk to each other about issues causing problems, then you probably don't have enough time together to have sex.

Well I tried it over text he said he doesn't want to have sex all the time he wants to do things together etc and if u just want sex then I should find someone else

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Originally Posted by Gemmaaaa

Well I tried it over text he said he doesn't want to have sex all the time he wants to do things together etc and if u just want sex then I should find someone else

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He's being passive aggressive, and he's being a jerk. The old "If you don't like it then leave" gig is not communicating. It's copping out.

Tell him what you told us. Tell him that you love him, that you love him enough to be worried about the things that have been going on, and that you love him enough to try and find a solution so you two can stay together, but you can't do it alone. He has to put in the work too, otherwise you may as well call him on his bluff and leave.

Sex is an important part of a relationship. Drinking isn't. So maybe he should be the one to choose. Does he want you, or does he want to be a drunk that needs help stumbling into bed? Just because he goes to see you at the bar, doesn't mean he has to drink himself stupid every time. In fact, he doesn't even have to order alcohol, he could just have pop.

This is about both of you. Both of you have to be willing to work on this. If he's not willing then you're fighting a losing battle, one you may as well back out of now.

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I try to come on to him when I can but he just pushes me away n tells me let's just cuddle.

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How often do you see each other when you are not working? How many of those times do you try to get him to have sex?

Do you do other things with him than ask for sex? Dinner, movies, sit in the park and watch clouds, etc.

Does he get drunk when you are out on dates or is that mainly while hanging out at your workplace?

I think you both still need to figure out what you each want in this relationship. He shouldn't be hiding from work or you in a bottle and you need to see if you are putting a lot more importance on sex than other areas of the relationship.

Does he have other interests than watching you work?

When you said he can't relax at home because of his roommate (that is something they need to work out) so he hangs out at your workplace, you didn't answer the question about you relaxing with him. Do you relax together at your place if his is out?

We see each other Monday nights sometimes Saturday day and Sunday day. I stay over about twice a week. It's not that he can't relax with her being there (his flat mate) just its him making excuses. Also he only drinks beer n water and I have tried telling him only drink water when you are at the bar. But he doesn't Like bring told what to do. When he knows I'm right