My told me today she i.e. resents me because I am successful at work and at coaching. She siad I come home from work and rub it in her face That I Had a good day. And the only reason I coach is to get accolades. She stays at home and takes care of her brother and father who are Handicapped. I am not bragging work and coaching are all I do I do not drink and other then caoching and work have no friends. I have four sons youngest is 16 But not sure how to deal with this.. I am convinced she likes to be misirable and if the people who are with her are happy she tries to ruin it for them Not sure what to do. I have an appt with a therapist. Its litterly killing me

Does she have any time to explore interests of her own? Does she get out of the house for anything other than family related trips such as shopping or doctor's appointments?

When you are home do you help or do you add to what she has to do?

Has she been a stay-at-home mother and care-giver for most if not all of her adult life? How long has she been taking care of her brother and father? If she was a stay-at-home mother from the beginning, did she have dreams that when the children were older or out of the house she could have a life of her own?

Perhaps it would help her to see a therapist. Would she be open to going to one or finding a support group for people caring for disabled relatives?

I can see a lot of ways that frustration, stress and depression could be leading to resentment. If she sees the rest of the world doing things but feels trapped in her life, she could be lashing out at others especially those who seem like better targets for her frustration than her handicapped relatives.

Both of you need friends and time away from the house to relax and let stress dissipate. You seem to have some of that through coaching. Does she have any outlets or has she let them go over time because other needs seemed more important?

How often do you take care of the family members so she has free days ? What days or evenings are you coaching ?

Perhaps she would rather you come home and help with the 4 kids and with the disabled family members ?

Does she have one or two evenings to get out and do things she wants to do ? Or a day or two a week, the entire day to do her things ?

If she does not, then you need to provide that care yourself or hire someone to do it for her to allow her out more.

My wife does not see the care of her Dad and broteher as a team My kids and I often tell her to go and do things but she refuses and use her dad as excuse. She also drinks to escape I do not have a problem with her doing so or I should say I do not make it a problem If her dad does or needs something and I try to help she gets upset with me. I feel like no matter what I do it is not right. I come home walking on egg shells. She can not let things go if one small thing goes wrong she will cancell the entire day. She just started with Therapy and was told she need a psycharist. I am just at end of rope It seems like if she is not unhappy things are not right. I can not help my success. She hold grudges if she is shopping and clerk or someone in the store looks at her wrong she will never and I mean never go back again. She is still mad at people she went to grade school with. And it is not up to me if she goes out more I tell her to but she refuses

Thank you for giving a clearer picture of your wife's life.

She definitely needs professional help. Getting counseling for yourself is a very good idea, too.

You may want to look into support groups such as Al-anon (without knowing where you live, I don't know what resources are available to you and your children.) Al-anon is for family and friends of alcoholics. If your wife is using alcohol as an escape then she has a very big problem. It is probably making any others even larger than they would be.

Take care of yourself and your children especially the 16 year old. Make certain they understand that their mother's problems are not their own. If she won't accept help, there isn't much you can do.

Do you love her? Are willing to put time and work into attempting to fix the marriage if she is willing to do her part? Has it gotten to the point where counseling is more to give yourself support for leaving than it is for staying?