So, I'm a second year student and I don't really drink at all. I am too nervous of what will happen if I do. I can't trust anybody but myself. I am involved in greek life and live in a house on campus, but I just am having an inner conflict with letting lose and having fun, or doing the right and moral thing. I can admit I am a bit wound up, not uptight. I just don't really know what scene I belong to. I just don't think I'd be very good at the whole grinding with strangers thing. I realize no risk, no reward. But if the reward is to lose brain neurons... I don't know if I want to partake in such activities. I am totally social, I'm just nervous and always want to change the subject when a friend asks me to go out. What should I do?

Well first of I don't think that having fun and going sober to a party should cause you to worrying about grinding with strangers (I'm just taking it for granted right now that you are talking about grinding as to rubbing up against one another... please correct me if I'm wrong!)

To go out and having fun with your friends if they are drinking and you are not might be difficult, but it is possible to go out and have fun and not have to end up grinding with strangers. It is possible to go out and just hang out and talk. If there is dancing and you like to dance than you can engage (but you have to know where to draw the line for yourself) Personally I usually don't dance and when I go out I talk to my friends or even strangers. The point is to have a good time, but having a good time doesn't necassaraly involve going over any line that you have drawn for yourself.

What do your friends normally do when they go out or are at a party?

So you don't drink, if it takes "drinking" to party, you are with the wrong people and going to the wrong parties. So you go to parties and drink a coke, still have fun

If all your friends want to do is get wasted, it's time for new friends.

You can be social, and hang out, go to parties, and have fun without being the person that gets totally wrecked and does the stupid/dangerous stuff.

After high school I pretty much stopped drinking. I still have a drink once in a awhile, but I have no desire to "get buzzed" or out of control. Most people are respectful of my decision not to drink. Sometimes friends or co-workers give me a bit of a hard time, but mostly they aren't very concerned about my choice. It's been 20+ years now and I can't say it's ever been an issue.

You don't need to be drunk to have fun.

Going to drinking parties isn't the only way to enjoy the college experience. Why don't you join more clubs around the campus to meet people who share similar interests with you?

I never really drank in college and I still went to parties and had fun. Was never into beer pong never into flip cup didn't like drinking cheap warm beer it's just gross. But I still had fun I use to like to listen to the drunken "philosophers" and then get them all riled up. It's to funny listening to some drunk frat boy slurring his words about how he is going to change the world and I would say something like dude you can't even change your shirt let alone the world.

But everyone is right find some new friends.

This is easier said than done. I just feel so torn between doing what I feel is right and being social. Like, living in a house is supposed to be all about bonding. But if all the bonding is happening at parties and not in the daytime, when is a girl like me supposed to have fun with friends? I just don't know why I can't let loose and let go. I'm just so terrified of what could go wrong. I am a tiny perfectionist. However, I am very social, and I just get along with anybody. I am very involved here at school, and even have a job too. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be a stick in the mud, but I just don't understand my generation. They don't care about anything with meaning.

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Originally Posted by Lovely33

This is easier said than done.

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No it's not. It is easy. You do what you want, and you don't do what you don't want to. It's just that simple.

You don't need to drink in order to have fun.

Just be yourself and trust your instincts. If people can't accept, then their not worthy of your time.

It is very easy, you stand up for who you area and what you want to do. If you can't go to a party and just drink a coke, or sip on the same beer for 3 hours than you have a bigger problem and that is having no ability to stand up for yourself.

Getting drunk and wasted is not having fun, it is making a fool of yourself.

But the problem is that I don't know what I want.

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Originally Posted by Lovely33

But the problem is that I don't know what I want.

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Hello L:

This is easy.. Go to a party.. Get drunk... Grind away.. And, if you don't like it, don't do it again.

excon

I think you're getting too influenced by those around you, as well as social norms.

There's no norm. You don't always have to flow with the current. Sometimes it's more fun to flow against the current, it's more challenging too.

I strongly suggest that you make new friends. Join clubs to meet new people who may share similar interests as you.

If you don't know what you want, then go out and explore. You don't need to get drunk to go exploring. During clubs week, when every club sets up their booths, go talk to each booth. See what triggers your interests.

The more people you meet, the more you explore, the more you will learn about yourself. You obviously have a lot of questions, just go out and find the answers. You won't find the answers if you stay insolated in your room or your student house.

Do yourself a favor, and concentrate on school.

Or, do what excon said and try it out.

I agree with Ex's idea. Look you don't have to do Keg stands ,beer bongs or shotgun beers (hell I can't shotgun a beer). Get a beer and just sip on it. As long as you have that beer in your hand no one will ask you why aren't you drinking, come on have a drink, here I'll get you a drink.

Stick with beer DO NOT try liquor for your first time. If you don't like it or you feel yourself losing control just put the beer down and stop. Or don't it is your choice.