Ask Me Help Desk - Curious about a e-mail.

I know I have posted a lot of posts before, but one still really bothers me that I have never talked about on here and maybe someone can help me..
My husband and I have a good marriage, we have been married for 1 year and alll together 5 years. In September 2006 I was up stairs sleeping and he was on the computer all night. I woke up the next morning and went to woke like usual, he was sleeping he must have been on the computer very late the night before. When I went to work I turned on my computer and read my e-mails, like usual. But something was bother me, I checked his email that day too and noticed he wrote 3 comments to a woman that lives a town away from where we do. She used to be a "friend" of his. The comments stated... "I have been thinking about you" and "Don't add me as a buddy b/c of my wife" and also he mentioned "I hope b/c i'm married we can't still see each other". OK, when I read them, I called him up and started screaming at him at 9AM in the morning. He at first denied it and was stuttering. I accused him whole-heartedly. Then I demanded a divorce. I hung up and left work to go home and pack my stuff, from the time I left work to the time I pulled up to my house he didn't stop calling me and all he said was "I'm sorry" over and over. Now when I got into the house I went down stairs to print out the messages on our computer to throw it up in his face, but for some sudden reason, the computer was broke! Haha. So I went back up stairs and started packing my stuff, as he was sitting on the bed I was asking him questions like "who is she?"... "are you planning on cheating on me" and he responded like... "She was a old friend of mine that used to work with me". And I said to him, "well did you ever do anything with her?"... and he stated "NO, we never had the time too." NOW what the hell does that mean?. Now about it has been 5 months later. He claims he loves me and cherishes me, but the only way I would stay married to him if he got rid of his s/n and the computer. Which he did. I am still married to him today, but is it possiable that he is still interested in this girl? Who's is one town away! Please would someone read this and help me todaY!!

So you found three emails that talked about being friends with another woman and your first thought is to pack your stuff, move out and get a divorce? Overeact a little bit?

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumkin2

I know i have posted alot of posts before, but one still really bothers me that i have never talked about on here and maybe someone can help me..
My husband and I have a good marriage, we have been married for 1 year and alll together 5 years. In september 2006 I was up stairs sleeping and he was on the computer all night. I woke up the next morning and went to woke like usual, he was sleeping he must have been on the computer very late the night before. When I went to work I turned on my computer and read my e-mails, like usual. But something was bother me, I checked his email that day too and noticed he wrote 3 comments to a woman that lives a town away from where we do. She used to be a "friend" of his. The comments stated..."I have been thinking about you" and "Don't add me as a buddy b/c of my wife" and also he mentioned "I hope b/c i'm married we can't still see each other". OK, when i read them, i called him up and started screaming at him at 9AM in the morning. He at first denied it and was stuttering. I accused him whole-heartedly. Then I demanded a divorce. I hung up and left work to go home and pack my stuff, from the time i left work to the time i pulled up to my house he didn't stop calling me and all he said was "I'm sorry" over and over. Now when I got into the house I went down stairs to print out the messages on our computer to throw it up in his face, but for some sudden reason, the computer was broke!! haha. So I went back up stairs and started packing my stuff, as he was sitting on the bed I was asking him questions like "who is she?"..."are you planning on cheating on me" and he responded like..."She was a old friend of mine that used to work with me". and I said to him, "well did you ever do anything with her?"...and he stated "NO, we never had the time too." NOW what the hell does that mean??...Now about it has been 5 months later. He claims he loves me and cherishes me, but the only way i would stay married to him if he got rid of his s/n and the computer. Which he did. I am still married to him today, but is it possiable that he is still interested in this girl? whos is one town away!! please would someone read this and help me todaY!!!!!!

I think that it does sound like maybe something could but that's not nesecaraley true I would just see how things go before jumping to conclusions.. when you found out he wrote those things you should have came home and said look we need to talk and talk to him about it lol don't always jump to things lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

So you found three emails that talked about being friends with another woman and your first thought is to pack your stuff, move out and get a divorce? Overeact a little bit?

Well, when you dedicate you love and trust into a person, plus as him being my first lover.. it 's hard you know? You don't know how to react

How will you deal with any other events that come up during a marriage? I agree that this is something that needs an answer but in the lifetime of a marriage you'll both be faced with issues and disagreements. If the first course of action is to leave then I don't hold much hope for the marriage. Being able to talk about things is vital. If you're just making idle threats to make him feel bad then you may be surprised at the results you get from that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

How will you deal with any other events that come up during a marriage? I agree that this is something that needs an answer but in the lifetime of a marriage you'll both be faced with issues and disagreements. If the first course of action is to leave then I don't hold much hope for the marriage. Being able to talk about things is vital. If you're just making idle threats to make him feel bad then you may be surprised at the results you get from that.

I understand your thoughts and take them in for concideration, but come on now... if your partner did something like that to you how would you react? I'm sure you wouldn't sit there and have a cup of tea and chat with him about it, of course you would get angry and upset for the whole fact that I have gave my all into this lifestyle and marriage I have gave him 120% to what we have today. You sit there and tell me that you think I'm over reacting, OK I do, but when you go to work in the morning after a long night and open a surprise email of your husband being interested in another girl.. it hurts and no woman out there can say it doesn't hurt, until it has been done to you...

It does hurt, you are right. But having been in your situation once a few years back, I agree with the others that you over reacted.

You phoned him and "screamed" at him. This puts him on the defensive. Of course he will deny it when you act this way.

Have a cup of tea and discuss it? Well, yes, why not. This is how a mature marriage works. Well, with me it was not a cup of tea, but rather a glass of wine.

Threatening to leave and then proceeding to pack your things may just blow up in your face one day when he offers to help you pack.

Idle threats and ultimatums do not work in marriage. If you present with a threat or an ultimatum, you better be ready to carry it out. Otherwise it becomes an empty threat and you will lose his respect.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

It does hurt, you are right. But having been in your situation once a few years back, I agree with the others that you over reacted.

You phoned him and "screamed" at him. This puts him on the defensive. Of course he will deny it when you act this way.

Have a cup of tea and discuss it? Well, yes, why not. This is how a mature marriage works. Well, with me it was not a cup of tea, but rather a glass of wine.

Threatening to leave and then proceeding to pack your things may just blow up in your face one day when he offers to help you pack.

Idle threats and ultimatums do not work in marriage. If you present with a threat or an ultimatum, you better be ready to carry it out. Otherwise it becomes an empty threat and you will lose his respect.

Ok, we established this already yea I over reacted, but I think this over reacting stopped the fact that he isn't sneaking behind my back and seeing her now. Say if I didn't catch him, I think the matter would have still went on and who knows maybe I would have found her in my house one day I don't know. You sit there and say talk to my husband when my husband is the type of guy who doesn't say S*** to me, he never opens his heart to me or talks to me, and no he doesn't want to go to a marriage counsler, My husband is the type of person when you first meet him he is so cool, nice and respectful but then after a couple years of knowing him your not on his A list anymore, it's like I don't matter to him anymore. I know he loves me but sometimes I get the feeling he isn't "Inlove" with me. but basiclly what I'm trying to say is, OK you have been in this situation before, but try meeting a guy, falling in love the 3rd day, holding yourself 9 months before you will let him touch you and getting married to him... I married my first boyfriend ever and its difficult for me because he is the only guy I ever loved, I never experienced a situation like that before so you and assume that I may have went over the edge...

Funny thing is you sound like you are describing my husband to a TEE!! Some men are just like this.

So, I really DO know where you are coming from.

His name wouldn't start with a J would it? LOL

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumkin2

You sit there and say talk to my husband when my husband is the type of guy who doesnt say S*** to me, he never opens his heart to me or talks to me, and no he doesnt want to go to a marriage counsler, My husband is the type of person when you first meet him he is so cool, nice and respectful but then after a couple years of knowing him your not on his A list anymore, it's like i dont matter to him anymore.

In your first post you said you had a good marriage and have been together for 5 years. Is this behaviour you speak of a very recent phenomenon?

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

In your first post you said you had a good marriage and have been together for 5 years. Is this behaviour you speak of a very recent phenomenon?

We have a good marriage I think, we go out to eat, go to bars, go to clubs like every girl/boy in their 20's do, but I was just hiding this situation since septemeber... and since I became a member on here... I thought hey maybe I'll ask about it. But other wise yeah I mean our sex life is good, out social life is good, but sometimes he justs acts weird and I don't know if its me or this other girl or I don't know :confused:

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Funny thing is you sound like you are describing my husband to a TEE!!!! Some men are just like this.

So, I really DO know where you are coming from.

His name wouldn't start with a J would it? LOL

LOL no his name doesn't start with a J, but I'm happy I know someone else is going through the same s***, like do you think he thinks about this girl when he is intimate with me?