Hey everyone, so I've been seeing this guy who happens to be my ex-coworker for a few months now. When we worked together, I always had a little crush on him and we grew pretty close. It turned into more though after one night when we went out for drinks with a few friends. We both left together, and ended up hooking up. Since then, he's started calling me on the phone a little more and we would have long late night conversations. He invited me over to his house a few times and we've pretty much been carrying a friends with benefits relationship. I no longer work with him so that made it a little bit easier to have relations with him. The problem is, I feel he is sending me mixed signals. After we hook up, we cuddle, have long convos, and he tells me how much he likes me. Then, a week will go by and I won't hear from him. He took me out for dinner once, but other than that its mostly just me going to his house. One time when we were in the car together, I tried to initiate sex with him, and he stopped me and asked if I take him seriously. I told him I do but he doesn't want anything serious, and he told me "how do you know I dont wanna take it serious? How do you know its not going anywhere?" but yet after he tells me those things and claims he has feelings for me, he gets distant and I'm left to wonder what to do or what's going on. Hes always asking me how I feel toward him, but when I ask him he's hesitant about his answer and not very upfront. Hes told me he cares about me and sees himself catching feelings for me. Its starting to drive me crazy because I like him a lot and not a day goes by where I don't think about him but I don't think anything is going to change. Hes just going to call me every now and then either to talk or invite me over, and then just disappear for a few days like nothing happened. What should I do? This is really bugging me and its not that easy to just let go :( any advice is appreciated!

You are too serious aboiut this relatoinship, Fire. I am getting the opinon from how you explain the situation that all this is, and he knows it, only friends with benefits, and unless you take the bull by the horns that is all its going to be.

Next time he wants you to go over to his house, say flat out no, or tell him up front you really do believe the relationship is not going any further then making out together.

I think you have to stand back for a while and see how he feels about you being aloof. I am not suggesting you play games, but the old saying goes 'a man chases a woman until SHE catches him'.It all depends on how far you want this to go.
Tick

He's confused, and you're confused. No wonder. When you start as just friends with benefits, when and how do you suddenly change that into a meaningful relationship.

He may have been a co-worker at one time, but, that doesn't give you any insight into who he is as a person, with more interests than just a weekly booty call. But, you seem okay with things as they are, although you're confused with where this is going, and understandably so.

IF you want a relationship with him outside the bedroom, tell him. If he says he does not want a relationship, then you know where you stand.

IF he says he does want a relationship, then the two of you are going to have to make some sort of commitment to each other, and you will also know where you stand.

Relationships take work, and honesty, and communication. The only way you will gain an understanding of what is to come, or not to come, is to open up those lines with him.

From what I am reading, it seems to me that he is the one who initiates most if not all of the contact. Do you ever call or ask him out?

If you can have sex with him, why can't you sit down with him and talk about relationships? Confusion only ends with clear communications or a breaking off all contact.