Ask Me Help Desk - Rape or molested?

Rape or molested?

Hey and thanks for reading..

I am 25 and my girlfriend (very soon to be my wife) is 21, we been together for a good 10 years but been a item for the last 5.

I think she may have been raped or molested as a child as in our (being a item) period we made love only twice, she was 20 and 21..

And both times it ended with crying and saying things like 'pls don't hurt me' or 'i am scared'

Besides sex she does give oral and 'handjobs' but she won't allow me to return the favors?

We do (and by we I mean my love and I) have a 'porn' fetish and some 'stuff' my love downloads and reads is (japanese doujins or fanmade mostly sexual stories of anime) try www.thedoujin.com to see what I mean..
Rape and lolicon are 2 of the most categories she looks up, rape you know.. and lolicon is where a preteen girl is shown in or having sexual relations. She does masturbate to this and in bed (as having sex) but still I am not allowed to touch..

At first I thought it was me and I got so depressed, face it I am not a looker, over weight and kind of... small there...
And she she's super hot!! She's thin and delicate, a dark olive flawless soft skin and beautiful dark eyes
What she saw in me, to me its lost.. I am not in her category I am a 3 and she is a 9!! But I thank God every time I see her, I am blessed..
I am a softie.. I am gentle with a big heart, very caring and pasient. I ll rather take a punch then give it. Like with the sex.. I am not experienced and don't mind not 'doing it' so I don't ask or put pressure on her!

Like I said I got depressed but after looking at all these 'clues, stuff she said porn choices her sexuality and her manerisms..

I came up with rape, if so I need help to help my better half! She doesn't talk about that.. but has let slip some stuff. We were watching a porno she found somewhere and she said this but I don't think she noticed.. 'she also will be hurt and touched'

She constantly bathes and changes her attire??

Please help

You are in Japan? Are there counselors in your area?

I cannot diagnose her, but agree something happened to her. Her washing and clothes changing might be her unconscious attempt to be "clean."

She needs to talk with someone who helps women in crisis like this.

No from south africa. There is and I looked up 1 that's nice its 'pine haven girls' though its meant more for young girls Lizzie is more or less still a child, I forgot to say it before but in Lizzies mannerisms are very child like even the way she speaks she uses baby words like 'also' she uses a lot

But I did bring up 'seeing a councilor' she got very upset cried and locked the bathroom door, hours later she came out all soft and clean and all smiles but she made as if nothing happened, I left it at that?

I asked lizzies mom - a very big racist to English and black people.. though in her defense her family was kept in a refuge during the boer and english war.. I asked if anything bad had ever happened to lizzie and she doesn't know but recalls a broken arm..

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamless

no from south africa. There is and I looked up 1 that's nice its 'pine haven girls' though its meant more for young girls

Call them to find out what type of problems they deal with. Also, is there a crisis or rape hotline that you could call to seek advice from and find a local counselor? I found this by Googling (http://www.southafrica.info/services/crisishelp.htm) --

WOMEN IN CRISIS

People Opposed to Woman Abuse (Powa)
Gauteng-based organisation offering shelter and counselling services to women in abusive relationships, rape survivors, survivors of incest etc.

* Helpline: (011) 642 4345
* POWA : People Opposing Women Abuse|

Stop Women Abuse
Crisis counselling for women who have been raped or abused, advice and support for people wanting to support women in need of help, legal and other options available for abused women and rape survivors. Run by Life Line.

* Toll-free Helpline: 0800 150 150
* Stop Women Abuse Helpline Home Page

Rape Crisis
Rape crisis counselling, court preparation, support groups, important contact numbers. Non-governmental organisation.

* Rape Crisis - HOME

Quote:

I did bring up 'seeing a councilor' she got very upset cried and locked the bathroom door, hours later she came out all soft and clean and all smiles but she made as if nothing happened, I left it at that?

She acted true to herself and how she is dealing with this problem.

Are there any counselors or social workers who visit a client's home? That's what I used to do and found it very helpful for my counseling work and also for the client.

Quote:

I asked if anything bad had ever happened to lizzie and she doesn't know but recalls a broken arm..

Lizzie's mom may really not know anything or may have pushed it out of her mind because it was so horrible or because she feels responsible in some way for not protecting her daughter.

Thank you so much, I am going to phone around!

I know and understand that what lizzie and most likely her mom are going through isn't easy and I respect them for it. In a way it hurts knowing this and not being able to take it all away.

I can get somebody to come but its killing me doing all this behind her back..

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamless

i can get somebody to come but its killing me doing all this behind her back..

The choice to do this will be hers, but if you have all the pieces in place and are willing to be there with her (if she wants you to be) and can convince her that counseling will help her regain her soul...

I understand.. I am scared she gets mad and leaves me.. I dpo also ffeel this situasion is bigger then me so I ll do what I can

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamless

i understand.. i am scared she gets mad and leaves me.. i dpo also ffeel this situasion is bigger then me so i ll do what i can

That's why you are going to call one or more of those hotlines and ask for their advice on how to go about helping your girl. And please let me know how it's going.

I convinced my love to go out of a long sad talk last night, she cried so much my heart really hurts..

A lady councilor is coming later this morning, she said (the councilor) said that after she has spoken to Lizzie and has more info, she will talk to me about handling the situation and she wants me to see a councilor to..

Lizzie told me last night 'benji (my names benjamin that's another thing Lizzie never when she speaks uses 'you' or 'i' its always names? And she always speaks about her self in 3rd person? Or she makes out in her wording as if I am not physically there though she's speaking to me? 'benji never leave Lizzie' I promise I won't ever leave her!

I will keep you posted and thank you for all yr help

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamless

'benji never leave Lizzie'

Wondergirl never leave Benji and Lizzie.

I'm so glad about the counselors! And will come to her house?? Wow! Good job, Benji!

Thank you very much and sorry, yes the councilor came here to see Lizzie.

I left Lizzie and the councilor to talk privately and went shopping with Lizzies mom, after 2 hrs Lizzie phoned to say they done, I guess the councilor is new to the job because rwhen I got there both Lizzie and the c. eyes were pink and swollen..

Its confirmed that she was raped but I wasn't given details and I won't ask I will know when the time is right!
She the c. will come in every 2 days and on those 2 days I will be joining a group for partners that has been sexualy assaulted and I have been sighned up for therapy.. about my low self esteem.. guess Lizzie brought it up..

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I was really so lost:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamless

thank you from the bottom of my heart, i was really so lost:)

I'm so happy things are beginning to work themselves out. Counselors don't usually cry with their clients, but this was a good thing, so that Lizzie felt like she was being understood. I'm so happy counseling will be twice a week.

And the work you will be doing will be very valuable.

You cannot imagine how happy I am! Stay in touch.

I owe you big time, you and this site!

It feels lighter at home like there something new in the air. Lizzie is happy I can see it in her character like the world got taken off her shoulders:) though she's still scared and always asks me to be there, she's happy:)
Last night in bed she hold me like never before and thanked me:)