Ask Me Help Desk - Can we prevent the non-custodial parent from checking kids out of school?

My husband has three children who live with us and go to school in our school district. They use to live with their mother one week and us one week last year but when their mother lost her job, lost her place to live and their sep-father was arrested for domestic violence against her and the children, they came to live with us full time. My husband has primary physical custody with her having joint custody. We spoke to a lawyer at the beginning of the summer and he told us that since she is now living with her new boyfriend and his kids, while still married to her husband (she also filed an oder of protection against him and got an emergency one and then she never showed up to court to finalize it so it was thrown out), she never has given us a phone number nor address as to where she lives now. She has given the 8 year old alcohol to drink, she did not even buy the 7 year old a birthday present (she took her new boyfriend to New Orleans for his birthday instead), and she does drugs, but we cannot prove it. When we went over to her place to pick the children's stuff up before she was evicted, we even found a mt. dew can that they had been using to smoke stuff out of it. She has also threantened to tell the 8 year old that my husband was not his real dad (which he is not his biological father since they were split up when she got pregnant by cheating on my husband with the guy, but my husband has raised him as his own and is his father on the birth certificate.)Since she never provided us with her address and phone number in a certified mailing as the dvorce papers state, the lawyer told us that we should not give her any visitation until she hires a lawyer and takes us to court. Not to mention that in the almost 4 years they have been divorced, she has paid him child support three times- a total of $250. Now that school has started back, she is threatening to go check the children out of school- even when its not her weekend for visitation per the papers. Can she do this? We are planning on going on my husbands next off day next week to file an order of protection against her but until then, we want the kids to be safe in school. Any thoughts or suggestions, I would appreciate it.

Have you two gone in person to the school with a copy of the Order about custody in your hand and had a talk with the principal instructing the school NOT to release the children to her? Most schools will honor those things so that complete strangers cannot just check kids out.

Do you have an attorney? If you do, contact them and have a hearing scheduled before the same judge who entered the original order. He may be able to have her in contempt of court for not providing your husband with the address and phone number of her current residence that she takes the kids to. Since she only threatened to take the kids out of school a PO won't work as she hasn't done it yet but just threatened to do this and I don't see that being a solution now. She is in contempt of court by not paying child support.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcollier7

... We spoke to a lawyer at the beginning of the summer and he told us that since she is now living with her new boyfriend and his kids, while still married to her husband (she also filed an oder of protection against him and got an emergency one and then she never showed up to court to finalize it so it was thrown out), she never has given us a phone number nor address as to where she lives now. ...

Please read what you have written before you submit it. For example, the above sentence makes no sense. The lawyer said that since the mom is now living with the new BF, she never gave you a phone number? Is that what you meant? If so, it doesn't make any sense.

Anyway, to answer your question, many schools have policies by which they will not check out students to persons not authorized in writing. Notify the school, giving them a copy of your custody order, that they are not to check out the child to the non-custodial parent. You can't insure that the school will abide by this, but it's worth a shot.

I may disagree if I read this correctly, The non custodial parent still has in writing a court order giving them joint custody, the children are only living full time with you at this point and time because the mother allows it, If she has a court order giving her joint custody, she could demand that anytime and you would be in violation if you did not follow it.
Denying visits is serious and I must respect your attorney and assume this is only because they are filing at once in court for orders to change custody and visit ( modify current order)
But the real issue is that if what you say is true, he is not really the bio father but committed fraud in signing the birth certificate. So it may be possible, depending on state law, for the mother to challenge his paternity in court and have the kids taken from him completely since he is not really the father.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I may disagree if I read this correctly, The non custodial parent still has in writing a court order giving them joint custody, ...

You may be right. It says "My husband has primary physical custody with her having joint custody." I assume that the "joint custody" part of this sentence means joint legal custody, but it's true that she doesn't indicate what residual visitation rights the mother has.

Chuck,

My husband has primary physical custody. She has joint custody. Per their divorce agreement, she is allowed to have them from 6:00 pm on Friday to 8:00 pm on Sunday on the 1st and 3rd weekends of the month. Because it also states in the divorce agreement that either parent must send via certified mail to the other if there is to be a change of residence or move to where the children either live or vist, or if there is a change in phone numbers. And if the non-moving party has a problem with it, must challenge the move in court before the 45 day window is up. If my husband was never given any warning, nor knows where his children will be staying or sleeping if they go with their mother, and not only that but would have NO way of getting in contact with her to speak with them children, then he also has no way of being able to challenge her moving in with her boyfriend. Not only has she never sent us anything to tell us where she lives now, she also has never told us verbally and also refuses to do so and every time we call the last number she has called us from, it has either been disconnected or changed. When we moved, (to be closer to where she lived when the kids lived with her part time, so it would be easier on them) we sent her a certified mail letter just like the divorce papers state. Also she picked the children up from our house and (in the beginning) called them on all the nmbers we have provided to her. Our lawyer told us because she has failed to comply with the divorce agreement and she will not tell us where she lives now, then it is our discretion to not let her take off with them- especially since she is a flight risk and has threatened to take off with the kids to another state.

As far as him "committing fraud" by signing the birth certificate, they were still married legally when the son was conceived and born and even asked the biological father if he wanted to be on the birth certificate and he declined, so my husband has and always will be the legal father of him. Simply because he is not technically the father, because they were married at the time, he is legally his father per Alabama state laws. And it also states that only can the father challenge the paternity if he is on the birth certificate. Also per the divorce agreement "Neither shall any party attempt to harm, hinder, decrease, or destroy the natural love of the children for the other parent. Neither parent shall speak badly of the other parent to the children." Wouldn't you think that by telling an 8 year old that his 11 year old sister and 7 year old brother are my husbands biological children but he is not and that his biological father never wanted him or to have anything to do with him because she (as his mother) liked to sleep with other men while married to the man who has raised him as his own son since the day he was born, emotionally traumitize said child?

Also to the other two who commented, we have evidence to get the order of protection, (txt messages stating she is going to tell middle son that he is not his fathers kid, when she was asked about paying her child support, as well as a photo of a mt dew can used as a pipe for smoking drugs, taken at her place of residence before she moved who-knows-where on my iPhone that shows the location the photo was taken, as well as other documents that proves she is unstable and unable to provide not only a safe home for her children, but she cannot even provide them with beds, and the 8 year old told us that she let him drink alcohol and we have witnesses who claim she was smoking weed in front of the children on multiple occasions, as well as she has left all three kids by themselves for hours at a time because she claimed she did not have a sitter, even though we lived two miles down the road from her at the time, as well as a mutual friend who lived a mile from her place of residence at the time.)

I also might add that last year, even though the divorce papers stated that he has primary physical custody and she was to have them two weekends a month, he let them live with her one week on, one week off even though it was his descretion. Since she left him for another man four years ago, not only has she brought who-knows how many men around the children, she married one the beginning of last year and in November, he was arrested because of domestic violence against her and the children- he hit one of the children and told all of them that he was going to kill them several times over a period of a few hours. My husband went WITH his ex-wife for her to fil an emergency order of protection against her husband, and then never followed through with it because by that time, she was living with her new boyfriend. She is still legally married to the man who the OP was against, she let it drop and we have reason to believe that she is still seeing him on the side. Her now boyfriend has had problems with DHR because apparently his exwife and himself cannot help but be drug addicts, which we believe my husband's exwife is a drug addict also- she started last year by buying adderall from someone (this she told me herself) and then started taking her two son's ADHD medicine.

Did you have the mt dew can tested or are you guessing about it's use? Did you see her using the can? If you answered no, thenyou cannot use the can anywhere legally against her. Photos can be staged unless a cop took the photo and it was properly documented.

Did you see the adderall pills yourself on her person? Same thing applies here as well. She can brag all she wants but unless you see the pills and see her taking them, then you cannot use this anywhere either. Only a drug test would be admissible.

Go to the school and ask that your children not be taken out of school unless it is you or your husband.

Go back to court and have your husband get full custody with SUPERVISED visitation. Period.

This site is NOT a blog, thank you.

OK, First, the mother has joint LEGAL custody, not joint custody. Twice you have left out the LEGAL which is a key part.

I would tread very lightly with things like that Mt Dew can. You need iron clad evidence to present not suspicions and innuendo. Your attorney should be able to tell you what evidence you can present.

But the good news. Since the divorce agreement stipulates that her visitation is from 6PM Friday, to 8PM Sunday, then there is no reason to pick them up from school. If you show the school this info, they should honor your instructions not to release the children to anyone except those your husband designates. Remember that you have no legal standing here, your husband would have to give the instructions to the school.

Also, the fact that she has not given you a point of contact, would, In my opinion, give you grounds for withholding visitation.

Do not always think all of the evidence is iron clad, I had one case some years ago, mother was a "known drug addict" she even confessed in court to sleeping with men for money to pay bills ( was a hooker) even took some of the men home and had sex with them in one room with kids in another room.

Had photos of the inside of the trailer with trash stacked, beer cans everywhere. Had evidence accepted which showed that children 12 to 7 where left alone for several hours at a time by themselves.

The father had a management job, nice brick home and two other kids.

Father lost custody to the mother, courts do not always rule with common sense