Iwant 2 begin with the very lucky side of my life I've been married 13years I have 2young kids I am a successful teacher I own 2houses. So on the outside I have plenty to give thanks for and I know and appreciate what I've built up over the years but it doesn't erase the depressions I keep lapsing into. I also can't stop blaming others for my failures for example me and my wife don't have sex regularly when we do its more to give me much needed release no matter what I've tried my wife just doesn't need or desire sex we both have tried counceling together and apart we know that the problem stems from her she isn't interested in working at it however I feel so uncherished unwanted unattractive even when she cuddles and tells me she loves me I feel worthless I blame her for most of what ails me if I loose my temper or my lack of patiance or passion for living everything stems somehow from our relationship or from my parents. Logicaly I know I can always separate from her and I know I've had depressions ever since I was a teenager I know I'm responsible for my own happiness but logic and knowledge aren't powerful enough to get me moving in the right direction. I do love my wife and my kids and our house but I just can't stop hating my life and feeling as if its too hard and not worth it. Even if you have no advice please answer I couldn't bare feeling regectted here after I finally said my hearts blackness.
Thanks

Tell me about growing up? Were you one of several children? How were things between your parents, and your parents and you? Were you a happy child?

Whenever I get like this it makes me feel good to do something that takes the thinking and over-thinking part of my mind out of it. For me, digging in the dirt, pulling weeds and doing mundane garden work is both simple and gratifying. Sometimes I'll start a project and try to finish it (a project that will take several days or weeks to complete). It gets me out of the house, away from people for a while and keeps my hands busy and my mind occupied. You will be amazed at how relaxed you feel at the end of the day! You can also use this as a new topic of conversation with your spouse, who can also congratulate you on a job well done when you are finished.

I hope this helps you.

Arcticgirl is so right I have been venting it into projects I guess there's nothing else, I paint the wall through tears burning all the negative feelings until I'm spent. I wish I had a support group I do feel like I'm alone in this craziness.

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Originally Posted by vinbal

arcticgirl is so right i have been venting it into projects i guess theres nothing else, i paint the wall through tears burning all the negative feelings until im spent. i wish i had a support group i do feel like im alone in this craziness.

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But you cannot begin to conquer the craziness until you understand where these feelings are coming from. All the empathy in the world will not help you reach that goal, thus my questions.

Distracting yourself like arcticgirl suggested won't keep the feelings at bay forever. Wondergirl was right to ask those questions - there could be something deep down; unsolved questions in your life that you need answering. What brought it on as a teenager?