I have been married for over 33 years; we have no friends at all. When I have tried to have friends he finds fault in everything they do he even dislikes my family. We have one daughter between us and I have two sons from a previous marriage. All the children are grown and out of the house. I am very lucky that I am close to my kids. This is my concern on many occasions he has said to me and in front of my kids he will never let me go and he will stock me. He abuses me mentally and paralyzes me so I do nothing without me even knowing it. I have forgiven more time than I would like to admit and of course he promises he will be good and he is for awhile but as soon as some time passes he is right back to doing the same things.
I have made a decision to heal, and get ready to leave him, I figure this will take about two years to save as not sure if he will agree to pay alimony. I figured that when I am ready I will write him a letter and just leave, but I am worried he will do something stupid.

Have you tried counseling??

No, because he will not go at all, I have tried in the past. But I am going to talk to my doctor this Friday and seek counseling for myself. The best he has done over the years is say he is sorry and is good for a while and as soon as he thinks I forget he is right back to being the mean self center person he is.

First no, sorry if you set two years, then it will be another this or that.

If you want to leave, walk out the door and leave.

Chuck is right about this. You can't set a goal for a time because it will never come. There will always be a reason or an excuse of why you can't do it at that particular time. If you want to leave, you have to do it at that time. My sister went through this with an abusive piece of garbage. He kept telling her sorry and she kept putting up with it because he was going to change. Finally, after he nearly killed her, she had enough and got out. She did this for 7 years... always making an excuse as to why she couldn't leave until such and such time. Those excuses nearly got her killed.

Oh dear God please leave NOW! Call on of the kids and stay with them! I didn't know where you are however knock in wood & heaven forbid we hear on the news if an a$$ hole who killed his wife! Good luck to you my dear!

I think its better if you leave... You have your kids so you can easily stay with them.. Good Luck... you have patience...