Is there a way to get the police to stop harassing my son? He is 16 years old now. A couple of years ago he got into some trouble and had to spend some time away from home. He has been home for about a year now, and has not been in trouble with the law for quite some time. Regardless, the cops continually come to my door when someone in the neighborhood gets robbed or vandalized. When my daughters get pulled over they always ask "So, where's your brother?" Whenever they see my son, they ask him "So you still smokin' weed and robbing houses?" My son hasn't touched drugs of any kind in over a year, and has never robbed houses. A couple of nights ago, he was at a party with some friends and was drinking. While I don't condone this, they are teenagers and they're going drink occasionally. He was walking down the street with a friend and had a beer in his hand. An off duty cop pulled up behind them and called another cop who proceeded to arrest my son. Afterwards, he went back to the house where the party was and told the rest of the kids there "I don't care what it takes, I'm going to put T.L. (don't want to use my son's name) in jail. We live in a small community and I feel like I can't even let my son out of the house without worrying about him going to jail, even though I know he's doing nothing wrong. Does ths qualify as harassment? I know my son was in the wrong for drinking, but the other boy that was with him got to go home with his parents. I'm at my wits end. I feel like the only answer is to move away. Someone please help me.

He's not exactly doing nothing wrong carrying and drinking beer at 16. And in your eyes he likely is this great kid... but in reality he's up to things you aren't aware of. 16 year old's are like that. 16 year old boys in particular, but girls aren't exempt either.

Fact is... once in trouble... you are high up on the list of suspects the next time something like that happens again, like it or not that's how life works. It's a judgement call with cops. They are far less likely to give a previous offender a break than they will someone who hasn't been in trouble.

Like I said... life's not fair... and he's not going to get into trouble if he doesn't do anything to get into trouble for.

To convict him they need evidence... if they have it... then his nose isn't clean.

Couple of issues... #1. You are known by the company you keep... so likely his friends are already borderline getting caught at something... I.E. it draws attention to himself.

#2. He's going to have to be extra careful what he does or who he hangs out with.

Like I said... this cop might know what your son is up to better than you do. Sometimes it's the people who are closest that are the last to find out.

First its not a good idea to piggyback your question on someone else's. This can lead to confusion. You should start a new thread. So I've moved your question to its own thread.

I sympathize with you. Every one especially a youthful offender deserves a second chance. But they also have to be smart about it. Your son's drinking when underage was dumb, but walking down a public street with a beer can in his hand, especially knowing the police are after him was even worse.

You also state your son had "to spend some time away from home". Was this a euphemism for juvenile detention or did you get him out of the area to avoid detention? I'm suspecting the latter which may be why the police are after him.

But In my opinion you have two choices. You either hire a lawyer to try and get the police to stop or you move. Moving may be the cheaper alternative.

You also need to take a more no nonsense approach to your son's behavior and who he hangs with. I know you don't condone underage drinking, but the attitude displayed here excuses it. You said; "I know he's doing nothing wrong". But he is! The drinking age is 21, he's 16, he broke the law! Like I said this was a very dumb thing to do. And "friends" who would allow, maybe encourage him to do so are not the type of people he should be associating with. You need to keep a tighter rein on him. If he balks you tell him, if you make bad decisions like walking down the street with a can of beer, then he needs more control.

Sorry, no most 16 year olds don't drink at parties. In fact if you knew about the party, knew that 16 year olds were going to be drinking, you have some legal liablity in all of this also.
As do the people who paid for the drinks.

He is doing wrong and most likely hanging out with the wrong people.

But yes this is what small town police do, since normally once they go to jail , prison or youth detention. I see you could not even call it what it is.

You are in denial and want to make excuses and blame others, In fact part of this to me is poor parenting, since a you accept a 16 year old going out drinking. Knowing this he should be supervised closer,

But he is guilty, and most likely going back to jail, I would hire an attorney for myself if I was you, if you knew ahead of time about the drinking

If my son walked down the street with a beer in his hand at age 16 I would have thrown a fit and not just "he's young and dumb" type response that you seem to exhibit. And the cops are not picking onyour son. Apparently they have built in radar when it comes to this kid as I'm sure they have seen kids just like him in the past who turned out to be career criminals.

The cop's remark of smoking weed and breaking into homes bothers me. Is this WHY he was absent from home?

He has GOT to get his act together very quickly as right now this kid has Cop Magnent written on his forehead. They are sure going to keep their eyes on him to make sure he DOES wind up in the slammer for a few years.

Where are his father and mother's guidance that this kid hangs out with kids who drink while underaged?

No, this does not qualify as harassment by the cops. It qualifies as keeping an eye on a potential career criminal. If you won't babysit your little darling, apparently the cops WILL for you. Hire a good, expensive attorney OR move, whichever is cheaper for you once he's out of this scrape.

In Ohio where I live a few years ago some guy friend of mine aged 19 got 6 months in the county jail for underage drinking AND probation on top of that. Just because the other kid got to go home means nothing as he will have to go to Court same as your kid will. AND the other kid may not get diddly jail time as he may just have a clean record so don't think they will both be tried equally as they won't.

I'm not quite as unaware of my surroundings as you make it sound. For the most part, his friends are good kids but they all have their faults too. I'll bet my life on the fact that any drug test he takes will come out clean. I'm 100 percent positive on that. I know he's not doing anything else, because he doesn't have any money and I don't see random "stuff" in my house. The only thing he's really doing "wrong" is drinking occasionally with his friends. Most of the time he's home wth me, and so are his friends. My house is where they hang out at most of the time, and I know what goes on. You may think I have blinders on but I am very aware of what goes on in my house. My whole point of this is not to prove my son's innocence or guit, but I need to know what to do about getting the cops off his back. I spoke to his school resource officer yesterday, and he said basically the same thing you did. Once a kid is in trouble, they are always going to harass him, no matter what. I am currently looking for jobs in other areas, so I can put an end to all this and raise my kid in peace.

I'm sorry, but your attitude towards drinking is not doing him much good. I understand that you may not be as enabling as it first appeared (I do think some of my colleagues may have jumped a little too far in their responses, but those responses were understandable based on what you posted). But I still see an issue here. "Good kids" do not walk down a street drinking beer! "Good kids" don't drink beer period! Maybe once to try it, but if they are walking down a street with cans, then there is a major problem. You need to understand that. I don't know what you drink, but maybe you are setting an example and you may need to change that behavior (note, I'm not saying you have a drinking problem, I doubt that you do, But you may, unwittingly, be setting a bad example).

Please understand I'm not attacking you. I'm trying to help you deal with a very trying situation. I do understand the angst and frustration you are going through.

There really isn't much more we can do but wish you good luck.

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Originally Posted by inthemoohaas

Is there a way to get the police to stop harassing my son?

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Hello in:

The short answer is NO. If moving is an option, take it.

excon

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello in:

The short answer is NO. If moving is an option, take it.

excon

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Exactly... complaining to them about it will only make it worse because then they would feel a need to prove what they can do to the squeaky wheel legally. Fighting them will cost you a LOT in legal fees and at most he might get a reprimand or fired. But you might spend thousands and accomplish nothing but draw unwanted attention to yourself and son.

My son suggests that you make an appointment with the department that is harassing your son. Either the chief of police or the county sheriff. Ask them exactly WHAT is the situation about your son and their officers. Is it just one officer after your son or all of them. Just speaking with the school resource officer is like speaking to a private versus the general in charge of an army. You may get quite an earful from the guy in charge about your son that you have no idea. And if it is only one officer having a problem try setting an appointment with him and asking just what his problem is with you son. There are other avenues you can take here.

And as far as him having no money and drugs I beg to differ about that. Drugs can be obtained in other ways other than just money exchange, you know.

Who supplied the beer to your son as that is contributing to the deliquency of a minor. Have you spoken to these parents about this?

Why don't you have sonny tested for drugs? That way you could have something more to bring to the meeting with the cops. If he's dirty, then you know he's a liar and you should find out what else sonny is up to when not in your home. If he's clean, wonderful. Don't inform him of the fact you will be taking him for a test either. Just take him and see what happens. Not that huge an expense. You should order the 5 panel or 9 panel test. The 9 shows everything.


If you have to keep your kid off their radar, so be it. Keep him on a very short lesh or you will be visiting him on visiting day.

IF that cop REALLY went to the party he would have seen OTHER underage kids drinking and would have hauled EVERYONE away including the parents hosting the party. My son has seen this actual scenerio happen here in my small town not too long ago. One kid equals one count the parents are charged with.

Something is HIGHLY fishy about your story. WHAT REALLY happened? I'm starting to smell a troll here.

I am beginning to think that your kid and the other kid went and bought beer themselves and were caught drinking it while walking down the street and never attended a party. Someone could have happily went into the store for them OR the other kid "liberated" a few beers from his home refrigerator and gave your son one.

Also school has not started yet so how could you have had a meeting with the school resource officer? The SRO would only be dealing with school matters, not drinking or cop harassment problems. They deal mostly with drug prevention programs at the school.

The more I think about this the more it does not add up.

Wow Twinkiedooter,
Really?? What state do you live in?? We started school here yesterday in Florida. I don't seem to be getting any advice here, just a bunch of accusations. I'm out of here!! Bye.

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Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Also school has not started yet

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Umm, school started a week ago here! ;) Not to forget that some places have year round school. ;)

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Originally Posted by inthemoohaas

Wow Twinkiedooter,
Really??? What state do you live in??? We started school here yesterday in Florida. I don't seem to be getting any advice here, just a bunch of accusations. I'm outta here!!!! Bye.

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WE DID give you some helpful information. In Ohio school starts Aug 22. And since you said you are in Florida I have personal knowledge of Florida being the home of drugs on every streetcorner regardless of what city you live in. I lived in South Florida for 25 years.

Get a copy of the supposed police report on your son's arrest. Bet it said nothing about a party. What officer in his right mind would NOT have gone to the party and hauled everyone away?

You probably came here wanting to hear yes, you can sue the police department for a zillion dollars for police harassment. You didn't want to know about how to peacefully solve your problem but how to get back at them. Florida does not fool around with kids, big city or small town does not matter to them. Your son is NOT telling you the entire story here and you are just happily listening to his version of what really happened if any of it really happened. Were you there when the copy supposedly at the party said what he said? Were you there when the cops accused you son of smoking weed and breaking into houses? Probably not. Ever hear of a kid who likes to tell lies so as to cover his behind for when he DOES get into trouble? Sounds like he is trying to pit you against the cops and so far he is WINNING.

Somehow the part about 'robbing houses' (burglary most likely) seems to have been swept under your rug. You say he had to go away, but for what, and if B&E was part of it, are you trying to sidestep it here by saying you just know he never robbed? If that's what he went away for, chances are he did, and saying he 'never has any money and stuff' is just plain wool over your eyes naïve. So did he 'go away' for B&E?

No, it was not for B&E. He got into a couple of fights at school, and he and his friends were involved in some criminal mischief. It all happened in a very short period after my husband passed away, and it was almost 3 years ago. I'm trying to explain that he is not the same kid that he used to be. He is back in school, involved in a boxing club, working a few hours a week doing yardwork, and researching how to start a business in a couple of years. I know thiis is the internet and you have no way of knowing what kind of young man my son has become in the last year, but there is no wool over my eyes. And as for previous accusations, I do not drink, nor have I ever done drugs. Also I'm not trying to sue the sheriff's department. Money was never an issue.

But the short answer to your question, no there is no way to get your son from being the first suspect. Just like when a wife is killed, the husband is always the first suspect who has to prove he is innocent.

He needs to be aware of it, and not put his self into situations where things happen.

Drinking while underage is a red light to more issues, and of course just what the police need to put him away for more time. And if he was at a party with all the teens drinking, that again is not what most kids do, and those that know the police will be looking for them, does not walk down the street with it. But do you know what is his biggest risk, his friends, often they may get caught doing something and will be glad to testify against him, to get off.

Thank you.

OK, we aren't there, so we have to go by what you tell us. There is still a sense of both naïveté and sweeping under rugs ('involved in criminal mischief,' how much and what and it really didn't involve anyone's homes?) because he has changed. But he still walked down the street with a beer at 16. So part of him hasn't changed, and that part got caught. And you and he have to live with that. You could have a private talk with the officer who arrested him that day, and tell him (quietly) about about his father dying and the changes you think he's made.

First I will say that posting a question on a site like this is not always going to be the experience you may think it will be. That the people here will give you straight talk based on what you tell us. We pride ourselves an doing that and we often don't pull our punches.

How accurate we are in our reading of a posters situation will vary. But our track record is very good.

You will notice that just about all the responders here had similar responses. Some harsher that others, but we all saw very similar things in what you posted. We can't know how accurate our responses are except by what you tell us. And frankly, sometimes we have trouble believing what we are being told because it runs against our experience.

But we DO care and I can vouch for everyone here that the advice you have been giving comes from caring about you and your son. What you do with that advice is up to you. If you believe in your son, that's up to you. Whether you fully believe him or not, you should stand by him. But, In my opinion, you also need to read our responses and understand that we care and are trying to help.

The suggestion to have a talk with the chief of police is a good one. But you have to go in there with an attitude that the police have reason to treat your son as they have. You have to go in there, NOT complaining about police harassment or being accusatory. You have to go in and say, look, I understand my son made mistakes. But that he deserves another chance. Ask what you can both do to allow him to become a normal member of the community. And don't get angry at anything he says. If he says there is nothing to be done, then say that you are sorry to hear that and leave. If he asks you both to do things you think unfair then tell him you will give his suggestions serious consideration and leave.