My son is like a light switch he's OK with others but not me,I am asingle parent his fathers attitude is kick him out ,he has no job and no money every time I speak he rants at me and the other night he went to head butt me ,he wants to go in the army if that doesn't happen then I am going to have to kick him out ,I am now frightened of him I'm like a prisoner in my own home
Who do I turn to

my suggestion, like his father I say kick him out or ship him to dad's. Job or no job you can't put up with that. And you should never fear your own child. He needs to go real fast. And Military may or may not help, some times it can make things worse than what it is and some times it can make the boy a real man you never know how any one person will take to military life. If you are totally apposed to kicking him out, perhaps you should invite someone else to come live with you (a male that is clearly stronger than he is) for a while until this kid is out of your house. And if that is not an option you could try to get him to go to counselling or something. No offence to you, but your kid sounds like he has a screw loose. To physically attack his own mother, there is something very wrong with that picture. IF HE EVER HITS YOU you need to call that police and get him out of that house ASAP! Some times abusers with attach at random and just stop after a few hits, but explosive abusers (which is what he sounds like to me) tend to throw a beating much longer and can end up killing someone before they even realize that what they are doing is wrong or they just don't care that its wrong. Either way, this is not a good situation, he is old enough to survive on his own and he needs to get out of that house. He can worry about a job or military or whatever he wants to on his own and you need to worry about yourself and protecting yourself. Also, if you do kick him out, make sure to change the locks and have some sort of protection (for kicking him out he will blame you and may seek retribution.) Don't be a victim and don't allow it to go further. That's what I suggest at least.

His father doesn't want to know,he's got his own life to live. We also have a 16 yr old
As well which he.s sees when its suits him ,my21yr old does not get on with his dad they came to blows a couple of months ago and don't talk a all now.ive not long got out of hospital after an operation which he says he wished I had died,I am not feeling strong enough for all this hatred he seems to have for me.I don't have a life I just excist,for what!

You have done your job as a parent, you have raised him, he's an adult, time for him to move out and start his own life.

You are not strong enough now to handle this stressful situation, so maybe your husband can, your sister, brother?

Someone who can show him the door, tell him to sort himself out, time to grow up.

Do not worry that he has no money or somewhere to go, there are plenty of places he can go, and I'm sure he has friends.

How much stress are you willing to take before he lashes out again?

Act today. Get a plan together and find some peace in your own home.

Kick him out, stop making excuses and stop setting future maybes, he maybe go in the army, he maybe will turn 40 in your house, he may come to blows with you.

He will learn that life is not given to him,
Does he drive a car ? Who pays for it
Does he have a cell phone ? Who pays for it,
Does he sit around on a computer, who pays for it ?

His father doesn't want to know,he's got his own life to live. We also have a 16 yr old
As well which he.s sees when its suits him ,my21yr old does not get on with his dad they came to blows a couple of months ago and don't talk a all now.ive not long got out of hospital after an operation which he says he wished I had died,I am not feeling strong enough for all this hatred he seems to have for me.I don't have a life I just excist,for what!

I don't have any kids, I will tell you that right off the bat. I'm not that much older than him, at 31. But my mom single raised me right and I didn't have behavioral issues because of it. IF I tried something slick with her, I got called on it, immediately. Growing up, he probably slipped through on a couple of things behavior wise when you should've nailed him to the wall. LOL. But the past is the past. Now, he's an adult -- you need to cut off the hings that are making his life comfortable. The physical violence is uncalled for, prisoner in your own home? He has backed you into a corner and you're going to have to stand up for yourself, just like you would an abusive husband. I know it's scary but do you have any family members that can back you up (preferably male) and start hanging around your house? TELL other people what he is doing -- a family member, family friends, the police, make his private battle with you public to people that can help you. This is going to sound crazy: but you may need to tell him you're going to have him arrested and then follow through if he gets violent with you. He will NOT change as long as you coddle him. You love him and he's your son, but right now he is wielding all of the power. You're the parent, take it back.

If he is man enough to rule, he is man enough to rule his own house, apartment, or gutter. Just get him out before you regret not having done so. Gather up your strength and do what needs to be done. Like HotHoneyV said, "Backed into a corner..." Only thing I will change there is When you corner an animal it lashes out, and that's what you need to do, but not with violence, but with self confidence and bravery. Get help if needed but the boy needs to go like yesterday.

His father is right, give him the heave ho. You have no other choice.

I see this as him forcing you to make the decision to kick him out, because he's too scared to leave on his own volition.