I broke up with my ex-gf 9 months ago, she was my first love. I've had no contact with since we broke up.

Since then I have dated 5 different girls and have been in a relationship for the last 4 months.

I still love and think about my ex even though I'm with someone else.

I don't know what to do please help.

How long were you with the ex?

Did you initiate the break up and why did you break up?

Generally speaking as long as you haven't healed from this last relationship you shouldn't be in another-it's too soon and it's not fair on the new girl.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to amicon again.

Maybe you should stop rebounding to replace your ex, and actually heal first, so you can be ready for something new.

I was with her for just over 2yrs.

She broke it off because of the constant arguing.

I get it was rough, but maybe you need more healing time to fill that hole in your soul with a life you enjoy with out her or anyone else. Family, friends, and activities is what I recommend, or date for fun, and friendship, and not romance.

Plus maybe you put too much stress on yourself for thinking of her a lot, and confuse that for love, and that's understandable, because those feelings will always be there. We humans can love many people at the same time. The key here is not that you are thinking of her still after ONLY a few months, but the way you feel about the new one you have a title (official relationship) with.

How do you feel about her and how long have you been official, and WHY?

It's been 3 months since me and my ex stopped trying to get back together. I've spent every waking hour going over things. It's not healthy and has gotten me into a deeper state of sorrow than I thought I was in when I broke things off initially.

Things are looking increasingly like she has found someone else which is utterly crippling. We get close again and then we argue. The last time we spoke was when she told me that I am a year too late in what I've been saying to her since we split up. That would mean that for the last 6 months of our relationship I let my partner feel miserable and worthless. I've made my last efforts to see her and to, at the very least, let her know how sorry I am that things got to this stage. I would very much like to salvage a friendship from this but until I have healed myself I know it will be impossible to do so whilst we are still in touch. Should I receive no reply from her regarding a chance to give her a few of her possessions back and to grab some stuff of mine and to also look to give her some closure, I will be ending contact. I hope that in 9 months time, a year after our relationship would have broken down, I will be able to see her in the street and greet her with a smile and walk on with my head held high.

Circumstances will never change. What's done is done. You cannot take back what ever it is that has been said or done. All you can do is learn from the past, work on the present and prepare for the future. If that means that you need to look back and decide what went wrong then you will need to do it. If that means branching out to your ex with a casual text, maybe mentioning that you thought you saw her in town and it struck you that she was looking well and that you're glad, for example, then you must give this a shot.

You cannot go looking for your ex just to try and take the pain away from you. If you need her there to help the healing process then you will need to make contact. Whatever you do, though, you must not rush and tell her that you're still in love with her and that you want her back. Not only is that not what you know you want, it's disrespectful to her to just barge back into her life making demands and putting pressure on her. Know what went wrong, know what you did, work out what - if any - attempts at making amends you made, try to remember if you wrote off her attempts at salvaging the relationship.

What you do next will leave a lasting impression and so you need to take the utmost care and respect in whatever it is that you decide to do. It's very easy to read that after 9 months, 5 girls and nearly half a year spent in a relationship that you still love and ex and to say 'go get the girl', but the simple fact of the matter is there are issues that you will have avoided and issues that you will have made of nothing. Fix yourself, fix these and then try to fix whatever relationship you can salvage from this. If your attempts seem well received then you will need to understand the consequences of your next actions. On the other hand, if you're told to shove it then you must respect her and move on for yourself.

I'm sorry for your pain, my friend. All too often we slip into the routine and don't even begin to think of those around who love us. For me it seems I was too late, I hope that is not the case for you.

I apologise if this response reads as nothing more than waffle, it's very late and I'm having yet another sleepless yet agonisingly tiring night tearing myself apart. All the best.

Thanks guys.

I don't really know how I feel about the girl I'm with now, She's a very nice girl, I like spending time with her.
She says she loves me but I just say it back for the sake of it.

I feel like I've lost hope on life, I still work everyday, Go on about daily tasks and go out every other day but inside nothing has a meaning anymore.

I tried to completely cut my ex out of my life, deleted her number, messages, pictures, got rid of her things, I even changed jobs and brought a new car because it would remind me of her.

It's only normal that things that were special to you both, or the norm for you both, like getting into the car to drive to work together or hearing that one really cheesy song that you both danced to the first time you heard it, will remind you of her. Although it's clear that you aren't sure on which way to go now you need to stop what you're doing with your curent partner. As said before, it's not fair on your rebounds and it's disrespectful to your ex. I think you should call for a break with your current girl, and actually take time out to grieve the loss of your ex. It sounds to me like you decided you'd ignore everything and so it's built up and you've never dealt with it. That's not good for you, your current relationship, or your relationship with your ex. Everyone looks back at a relationship and has regrets, but you should be able to look back fondly, learn from mistakes made and also things that you know were right, and move forward stronger thanks to that.

At least be honest with the new girl, and not just be swept along in a tide of uncertainty. That is deceptive, even if you cannot find yourself, why should she be living in your limbo? Hard emotional times not withstanding, bad or deceptive behavior is NOT ACCEPTABLE, and you should pay attention to HOW you handle your own feelings. That's what this all comes down to. YOUR coping skills.

Healing is a process you CANNOT force.

I told my girlfriend how am feeling about my ex and that I don't think I'm totally over her.

She was very undertsanding and we've both decided to take a break from each other.

Sort of figured it would end up like that, but healing has to be the priority.

Sorry, but it will get better as you get busy, regrouping, and rebuilding yourself. The goal is to be happy, and healthy, for yourself.