My ex lives in NJ. I live in Ohio. We are both remarried. We have a son whom is now 24 years old but also is a mentally disabled adult child. He lives with his father in NJ So I am the non custodial parent. My ex has never went to court to get child support extablished. He says he doesn't believe it should have to be "ordered" and that I should pay him directly just because I should care about our son.
I do care about our son, I see him every year at least once or twice during the summer for a couple weeks or however long he wishes to visit me. I always ask him if he needs anything. I buy him clothes, make sure he has money to spend, etc.
However, I would like to start making regular support payments to help him, because he was just recently officially diagnosed with the mental disorder psychosis. What do I do if the father doesn't go to court to establish a support order?? I feel nervous about sending any payments directly to him when there is no order of support.
Here's one for the books I guess lol. The non custodial parent seeking help getting support established lol!
Help please! I don't know what to do!

Unless you have the support issue tended to legally, it all my come back to bite you on the butt. I suggest you hire a lawyer and everything written in stone before sending any money for a custody issue.

Tick

Thanks Tick! My current husband says the same thing. That it will come back to bite my in the arse! Maybe I could set up a savings account for my son to be distributed to him when I die? It wouldn't help him now, but it would help in the future.

Unless your child has been declared mentally incompetent, he is now an adult and child support is not the issue. I'm not sure if the father could even get a support order at this point.

My advice is to contact an attorney and set up a trust for your son that will provide payments for him. You can direct that payments from this trust go to whomever his legal guardian is.

My ex has just recently informed me that he had my son declared mentally incompetent at court 6 years ago and that he and his current wife are now legal guardians, and never told me!
We haven't talked to each other in years either.

Makes sense. When he turned 18 (6 yrs ago) he became an adult and to continue to provide for him they needed to do this. But the fact that they did not request support from you at the time. Was their mistake.

I think setting up a trust is the best move.

I should also have mentioned that his father says that my son is now receiving SSD and medicaid.

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Originally Posted by kentstar

... My ex has never went to court to get child support extablished. ...

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You were divorced? Your son is a child of the marriage and no child support was ordered in the divorce? How did that happen?

As I said, he doesn't "believe" in that it should be court ordered, so he never went to court to do it. I have no idea why other than what he told me.
Doesn't make sense to me, but now I'm stuck with not knowing what's in the future because of his beliefs.

I should have said he doesn't believe that it should have to be court ordered...

Please talk to a local attorney, you can and also should have set visit schedule though the courts, in doing that, I would think you could have child support set up also.

I have a son who is 24 and mentally disabled. I am the non custodial parent. My ex whom is the custodial parent (and also remarried), had my son to court for an imcompetency hearing 6 years ago. I was never informed by them or the courts! He says he and his wife are now legal guardians of my son. How can this be that the courts don't contact the biological mother and inform me of the guardianship or hearing at all!?

So what exactly is your question? The fact you were not notified of this hearing? Do you contest the child being deemed incompetent? Do you contest where the child is now living?

What would you have done had you known about the hearing in the first place?

It's just the fact that I wan't notified of the hearing. I don't know that it would change anything, but I thought that courts usually ask BOTH BIOLOGICAL parents first before considering a step parent as part of the equation for guardianship.

If you are happy with the situation - let it go. If you are unhappy with the situation consult with an attorney if you want something changed.

Usually the courts do notify both parties. Was there an attorney for the other side? If so, the onus was on them to notify you of the hearing not the court.

Guardianship has nothing to do with being a step parent, parent, grandparent, etc. It's a different form of custody.

I don't know if there was an attorney. The only time I would probably have a huge problem with this issue is when my ex dies. If his wife has legal guardianship, I may not be able to get my son back to help him if I wanted to.

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Originally Posted by kentstar

I don't know if there was an attorney. The only time I would probably have a huge problem with this issue is when my ex dies. If his wife has legal guardianship, I may not be able to get my son back to help him if I wanted to.

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Who told you this? It's not true.

Thanks Judy. I have decided I am going to see an attorney about all these issues. My attorney is a family law one and we've used her before for my husbands kids support. She'll be able to at least give me some advice and guidance.

I merged your threads since it all bears on the same issue. Please don't start new threads over the same issues.

You need to get the transcript of the initial court action where they declared him incompetent. You need to see what was sad about the other parent (you). There may very well have been irregularities.in the hearings.

But I'm really not sure what exposing those irregularities will get you.

You do need to consult an attorney to determine your rights here.