Ask Me Help Desk - Don't know what to do

I have a 5 year old daughter that I have raised by myself. The father has never been in the picture. He has never seen his daughter. We were together for 5 years and then I got pregnant. During my pregnancy we were together for 6 months out of my pregnancy, then he disappeared. He called me 2 weeks after I had my daughter stating he was going to be coming by like that Friday to come visit the baby. I told him that he could whenever he wanted to. He NEVER came by and NOW it is 5 years later. I found out that after I had my daughter he got married and had a little boy that following year. My question is everyone tell me that I should get child support from him, but I'm scaried that he will come into my daughters life and then go and never come back. What are my RIGHT right now.

Irma

I think you owe it to your daughter to file for child support, regardless of what his response turns out to be. If he shows up briefly and then disapperas again, she will be disappointed, of course, but at least she will know that YOU made the effort. If you don't try, she may end up blaming you more than him, and harbor a fantasy of her wonderful father who you kept from her.

You have the right to collect child support from him. I think you have the right to determine just how much you will trust him if he wants to get involved with his daughter's life. Going after him for child support does not automatically mean he will suddenly become the Dad. He most likely will fight the child support, but will have to prove why he thinks he should not pay it. He may say the daughter is not his and want a DNA test. If that is the case and it comes back that he is the father, the courts will take care of the child support for you.

If, by some chance, he would step into your daughter's life, prepare your daughter for meeting him. Not giving her any false expectations nor giving her any negative feelings about her father. I certainly would not allow him to be with her without your presence, or take her even to the mall without you accompanying her. He has to gain the trust of both of you, mostly you.

Follow your heart above all. If you have strong reservations about going after the child support, talk to an attorney in Family Law. Try and find out what you can expect to happen. Best of all to you and your daughter.

to tell you the truth I would tell him that if he didn't want to be apart of her life to begin with why should he have the privlig to do so now?
tell him you don't want her to have to suffer for his mistakes anymore and your biggest priority is your daughter.. not him.
then it goes to how well is he with the kid he has now anyway?
mainly because people can change. And in the end if you feel it's right in you heart to allow that then do it.
sometimes in life you have to take the bull by the horns and wait for the outcome.
hope this helped a little =)

Sometimes it's just not worth it. Money is money, but if it introduces strife into your life, even worse introduces an unreliable father into your daughters, I'd just leave it. It's one thing if the dad's never around, but if he shows up and screws off again she might develop feelings of inadequacy. Better to keep it neutral and just the facts when it comes to questions she might have, and best case she'll see you as strong for not needing him and indifferent to his presence if it ever should come.

Quote:

Originally Posted by singlemother1

I have a 5 year old daughter that I have raised by myself. The father has never been in the picture. He has never seen his daughter. We were together for 5 years and then i got pregnant. During my pregnacy we were together for 6 months out of my pregnacy, then he disappeared. He called me 2 weeks after I had my daughter stating he was going to be coming by like that Friday to come visit the baby. I told him that he could whenever he wanted to. He NEVER came by and NOW it is 5 years later. I found out that after I had my daughter he got married and had a little boy that following year. My question is everyone tell me that I should get child support from him, but I'm scaried that he will come into my daughters life and then go and never come back. What r my RIGHT right now.

Irma

I am a single mother of a four year old boy and I think that every child has the right to know their father. It is also up the father if he decides to walk back out of the child life let his conscience be his guide. Sit and talk to the child let her now the possibilities of her father leaving her again and what might happen but do it a gentle way and do not confuse her.

:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by tammy t

i am a single mother of a four year old boy and i think that every child has the right to know their father. It is also up the the father if he decides to walk back out of the child life let his conscience be his guide. sit and talk to the child let her now the possibilities of her father leaving her again and what might happen but do it a gentle way and do not confuse her.

:)