My wife and I are separated for over 3 years. First 18 months very little communication. Then the relationship seemed to turn and we were spending a lot of quality time. However, as soon as things looked like we were going to be under the same roof-she would get hateful. I accepted the separate roof tops but was feeling very much on shaky ground. My confidence sucks, as does my attitude and excitement looking ahead. This is a 180 turn for me.

I am not paranoid but all signs point that she is involved with another. Her(our) good days really only when our college kids are in town - then she turns up the charm - they leave and out comes the *****. I feel that I generously hand out the benefit of the doubt but enough.

A few additional questions - 1.) why won't she just stand-up and say get out - no more with you? 2.) Once a woman shows these traits and backs them up with statements like - I am so confused - I am trying to love you but the wall is so high, etc.. Is it possible some medical reasons for actions or do I not hear and see so well?

The bigger question is why have you not built your own life, and stop putting up with her behavior if it bothers you. Maybe you should be doing your thing the way she is.

Its better to start with others. U know what she is like then why do u go for it? Forget her as you are separated. Find some body who truly appreciates you. Good luck

After three years of being separated, I have to ask you why you are not yet divorced. You don't say that is even on the agenda; actually I'm not sure what your question is. Do you want to remain married? Are you looking for an answer to your wife's behaviour?

I agree that it is time to figure this out. You might start by talking to your partner and just asking her if there is any hope for the two of you to resume your marriage. Or, is she willing to attend counselling.

If she says there is no hope of things ever being the way they were, then it is time for you to seek legal advice, and get the ball rolling. Life is too short to spend another three years wondering if things are going to work out.

You need to know.