I am confused with my ex boyfriend. I am a Filipina and my ex-boyfriend was a Black/Hispanic American. I'm 32 years old while he was 42 year old. I've been in my relationship with him started it in April 2004, and unexplained reason suddenly ended in 2007. We must marry in 2005 but it failed. He had plenty of reason and had doubts about marrying me. What is the reason? I don't know, he's the only one who knows his own reason. And I felt him change his dealings with me. Good to hear those sweet words and promises from the person you really loved and it really feels good in your heart. I really love him with all my heart... and it seems like there's no end to the joy I feel every time I am with him.

I never thought that our relationships will end and all his promises to me will lose. He told me since changed my physique has changed his feelings for me. His feelings to me is still the same but he does not like changing my appearance. He wanted me to do is to back my appearance just like the time we first met. Seems very hard for me to do the things he wants me to do because I'm only human and everything in this world was fading. When he says, Give me my space�... It seems I guessed what he wants... his freedom.

He changed its attitude to me and avoided me for several years. It's so painful for me but I have no choice but to give his wish... his freedom and that was the year 2007. I had a strange feeling to him the last time we were together. While we were together in his lodging hotel room in Manila he seemed restless, he always hold his cell phone and had to text someone else on his phone. I just watched him while he was texting someone else. When I asked him who he text with, he answered me, he said that was one of his co-worker in the band. But I feel strange and I feel he is not telling the truth. I feel he has some hidden secrets with me. My suspicion he has another woman and I have a strong feeling about it. And my suspicion was truth.

I discovered the real reason why he wanted me to come home early.
He sent me early so I can not catch the arrival of his woman. I was having the opportunity to be with him every time he goes to the Philippines for vacation... because he was playing the band as bass guitarist here in Asia.

I suffered for a long time and tried to forget him, and not so easy to forget the pain caused by his infidelity to me.

I accidentally visited this site and read some letters from other people like me with problems and gave me the ideas. Now only I had the courage to write to this site for help with my problem because my mind still confused and I do not know what to do?

I started receiving messages from my ex. I do not know is what his true motives and what he really wants? I don't know what I should do... I don't know if I should answer all his messages? I still have feelings for him. And I can not explain what is going on me starting we had communication with each other again. I'm starting to received IM message, email and text message from him. This is the email he sent to me yesterday

"I have told you the truth about my life... I have nothing to hide! I was hoping that you would send me a photo of the woman that captured my heart in April of 2004. I have been waiting for so long for you Aimee... when will you just be up front with me???"

Please someone help me what should I do?? Thanks!

Ignore him forever, and keep him out of your life, and the feelings will fade in time, maybe a lot of time, considering the emotional investment you have put into him.

Time to look forward to better things and leave the old things that caused pain behind you.

Thanks talaniman!

There is another thing I discovered about him. I saw and read the posted messages of the girl on other site stating that she was pregnant and giving birth to their child in January, And the message was written in 2008. I read that since the year 2007 until 2010 they have communication with each other. I felt more pain in my heart. I tried to ask him about about the issue and he answered me...
I AM DATING NO ONE AND I HAVE NO KIDS! WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER A LONG TIME SINCE 2004, AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO KEEP MYSELF FREE WAITING FOR MY GIRL TO SHOW HERSELF... SO FAR... NOTHING FROM YOU.
He was to convinced me to try to continue relationship with him. I don't know what on his mind?? I still have feelings for him and I want to give him another chance but I'm afraid. Afraid that he might hurt me again??

Give yourself a chance to get over those feelings for him by cutting all contact, not answering any attempts to talk to you and stir those feelings again, and get a better life for yourself.

You have already wasted enough time on someone that hurt you.

Thanks a lot Talaniman... I will try to take your advice.

He's asking you to change who you are to make you happy. It's not possible to be the girl he first met. Time changes all of us, both in personality and appearance.

He can't accept you for who you are, and you shouldn't accept that from him or anyone.

Move on. This guy is a loser, and you deserve better.

Yes, altenweg... He wants me to change the way I look because he told me it is important for him, he said mean a lot for him to have a sexy girl friend like when we first met, he said he still have feelings for me but he just want my sexy body back so badly. And that's the one of the reason why he left me because I gained weight. That's so unfair…

Yes it's unfair-but this guy's a jerk and you need to work on getting over this, so no more contact!

Ignore him forever!!

What do you think guys about my ex mail message. He said, WHEN WILL YOU JUST BE UP FRONT WITH ME?
What does it mean guys?

(I have told you the truth about my life... I have nothing to hide! I was hoping that you would send me a photo of the woman that captured my heart in April of 2004. I have been waiting for so long for you Aimee... when will you just be up front with me?? )

I am not sure maybe he saw my new picture on my ym profile? I just wonder why suddenly he started to contacting me again and he wanted me to send him photos of me? After 3 years and 11 months when he broked up with me and left me, and now he was started to communicate with me again and because I lose weight and now he want me again.
You all guys are right... I know how hard for me to do it but I should try to learn to ignore him. And learn my lessons. Thanks you guys!

It doesn't matter what it means-what matters is that you ignore all contact so block his mail and move forward with your life.

He thinks you are foolish enough to take his crap, and let him back in your life. Don't fall for that trick.

Merged, and edited/T

I am here again to ask you opinion about my problems.

I might be crazy because whatever the pain made by my ex in the past... I couldn't be able to hurt his feelings. I admit I still have feelings for him despite all the pain he caused me. Yes, I still love him but I don't let him know that I still have feelings for him.

I know many of you may be pissed at me, but I want to share my thoughts. If I did right. If I will answer his letter to tell him all my thoughts, before I finally block him with all my addresses that he knows. I just don't want to leave him thinking anything bad. I just want to let him know my side, so he would not rely on me. And let me forget our past that caused me pain. Difficult for me to start a new life when there are heavy burdens, and the pain still there, and not heal. I do not want to make him do any evil against himself, so I wanted to make a final letter through the proper way.

Some people just told me to ignore him; some says just blocked him, and cut all contact with him. I know they are just concern about me, and the pain I have been through in the past. I want to follow all these advice, but I don't want to leave my ex in the dark without any answer, or words from me.

Do I need to send him a final letter to letting him know what's going on inside of me? I really want to send him a letter, because I don't want him hanging in the dark. I'm so sad right now because I don't know what to do.

My question is... what's good I should tell him so he would not hurt. Important for me to hear what's your opinion? So please help me what should I do? Can someone give me ideas what to do? Thanks in advance!!

No you don't send him anything-you ignore him forever and start healing then moving on.

When you contact him, it will rekindle everything, and all that both have gone through during this NC will be a waste. If I were him, I won't want you to send me anything apart from getting back together again. So, whatever you are going to send, will hurt him more and disturb his healing process. Don't worry, someday you both will be ready to talk once you have moved on. He won't be in the dark forever. Let him move on, its all for the greater cause.

Write the letter, and burn it, and move on. There is nothing you can say or do that can save his soul. That's his responsibility, NOT yours.

Your concern for him is admirable, but highly misplaced. Your healing should come first. That's YOUR responsibility.