Hello everyone, I recently got to the end of a 2 year relationship and I ask myself all the time was it real? I loved the girl so much I thought I had found my 1st love. Everything was good always and after the 1st year it got more serious. We always enjoyed our company but after a while we started arguing much would break up almost every week but always got back together.
At one point when we were broken up she told me she had kissed her ex at a party, but that he kissed her first, and she went ahead with it, but she didn't tell me that when we got back together. Instead she told me another time. At that time I messed around with another girl, but never told her that till later on.
Anyway since this was my first real relationship I didn't know much of what to do in a relationship, so I kind of went with the flow of what she said like taking it to the next level, and so on. We did lots of things together she suggested. Like meeting the parents, staying over each others place etc... and every once in a while the whole baby thing would come up, like yeah I would like to one day babe, I wouldn't mind either baby, what if I got pregnant?etc. We would always say were not ready but at the same time I wouldn't had minded cause of course I love her. We always had unprotected sex cause of course it feels better. I never cummed inside of her cause I was always paranoid she would get pregnant even though I would always tell myself I wouldn't mind. She always did talk about it a lot which made me think maybe this is her way of trying to tell me she wanted a baby but I wouldn't do it unless we talk it out for real.
So one day we were making love and she told me herself looking dead at me "do you want to *** in me?" I thought about and told myself maybe she won't get pregnant. I told her sure but to myself I said no I'm not, so were making love and at that moment I got caught up in the moment and did. I didn't worry much about it cause I said what are the chances of her getting pregnant.
So like 2 months went by and nothing. So I didn't think about it much no more, and then one day she was over my place and saying how she felt a little noxious, and that she hadn't had her period. So I was like what can I do about it, that's all her. I can't do much so she kept bringing it up like what if I'm pregnant, and I was like chill your making a big deal about it, so I was like fine, lets go get some pregnancy test.
So we did. When we came home we were in the bathroom together waiting and they came up positive. I was shocked, and she didn't look like much, but she looked at me with a face that said what are we going to do now?
So I just got up, and went to the room, and thought, man this can't be really happening!! So we talked about it, and I told her positive doesn't always mean your pregnant, so we went to a pregnant clinic, and we found out she was about two months pregnant. We talked about it nonstop, and finally came to it that we were going keep it. But the funny thing is that at this same time her sister had got pregnant also, and they told each other they were pregnant, and were only a few days apart. My ex was 4 days ahead of her sister, was going to get an abortion, because she didn't want the baby, and plus it was going be her second abortion.
So it had me thinking. She is going to talk my ex in to it also, and because my ex sister is older then her, and my ex listens to mostly everything she says. So we talked about it, and she said she wouldn't do that, but deep down inside I thought she would. So her sis supposedly lost it, her baby, that's what she said to me. Then one day I was out, and had left my phone home, and my brother picked up, and told me when I had came home, that morning, my ex was in the hospital cause she wasn't feeling good. So I called her, and asked what had happened. She said she wasn't feeling good and that she had an appointment to see if she was OK, or if she would have to have the baby out.
So when she went the day of the appointment I had worked, and she went with her sister. When I called her, she was out. She told me she had lost it . I didn't believe it. I felt mad cause I thought she had an abortion, cause her sisters, dad, and mom would always tell her it was best for her, mostly her dad. I was mad inside, and didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't believe it.
Later that day her mom called me saying that she had an appointment that day to get an abortion, and not to believe my ex for anything. So I believed her, and finally I told my ex stop lying, your mom told me the truth. She cried for days, and finally she told me "you dont know how much pressure I was under. Everyone was always in my head, telling me what to do", but she never really said yeah, I did get an abortion, but always said she didn't. She never really showed me proof that she didn't. Never once cried about it, cause deep inside I always knew that the baby would never be born cause of the way her family is, and the things they tell her.
After that thing got really bad. Really hitting rock bottom now. We're separated almost 2months now. She left to California for vacation and when she got there she changed to a completely other person. She said so many things to me that really hurt inside, and burned so bad, I told myself forget her, she doesn't want you no more, move on. So I did exactly that
We hadn't talked for anything at all. Then on my birthday I got really, really drunk, and ended up talking to her. I was so drunk, I don't really remember much of what I said, but I remember she told me she loved me, and wanted to get back, when she came back home in a few weeks. Me being drunk I said, yes baby, me too, I love you.. ect. The next day I felt like **** the worst ever. Damn, it sucked so bad but I wondered if that was real last night, cause it was to good to be true.
I called text her, and told her that I didn't really remembered what I had said last night. She text back saying forget it then, if I don't remember then we can end it now. Since she had torn my heart out that one day on the phone, I didn't care about what she said any more, so I just text back, bye and that was it.
We didn't talk no more since we been over. I've been talking to this one girl just trying to move on, and I do really like her. Not since my ex never said fine its over again. That day on the phone I thought what if were still together? I don't want to be playing her, or this new girl I'm with now, so I called her one day when I was drinking, and talked to her about that one day on my birthday, and she said she thought it could work again, but she was wrong, cause of the way I am. I told her please it can work trust me and she shot me down again. We talked more and she said she was sleepy that if I wanted, we could talk about it more tomorrow, if I wanted.
I said yeah, I'll call you tomorrow but I didn't cause the next day I was sober. I come to noticed I don't care about her when I'm sober, but when I get drunk. I'm all like I want get back baby, it can work again I promise, but sober, I don't really care much cause of what she had said. So the day after I was on Facebook, and she was online also, and a friend of hers had put a post up, and my ex commented on it, and so did I, and then my ex IM'd saying "really?". I didn't reply. She said "hello", I didn't say anything, then she said "fine". I didn't even want to talk to her she called me like 10 minutes after that, and I picked up, she said "dont be talking to my friend *** and why didnt you call me back the next day, like you said you would and this is you try to change, never mind your a waste of time", and she hung up.
Normally I would had called back, and tried getting her back, but I didn't. I just said whatever I'm not with that ****. That happened yesterday afternoon. This has been the longest we been apart, and most of the time she would break up with me, she would say she had done it to teach me a lesson, cause talking about it, I wouldn't get it threw my head. I think that's stupid cause she would have me thinking its really over when it was just one of her lessons. I think that's harsh, and since at these random times she would tell me she still loves me, and that she wants to get back. The few times we talked about us has had me thinking maybe she doing that again trying to teach me a lesson. I wouldn't mind being with her, but I feel so mad inside cause of the way she was acting on the phone, and of what was said. Also that I feel like when we're together, I won't feel right. I'm very confused please reply, and let me know what y'all think and please don't be afraid to say anything. Anything will help please and thanks for listening, thanks for your precious time. She is my first love so all of this is new for me... thanks again
Edited/T
