I am 24 years old and I've been in this situation for the last 2 years, the last year has been worst. All I do is sit at home watching TV or in the computer masturbating at least twice a day. I can't seem to hold conversations with people, specially with woman, I can't seem to be able to keep a job for over a year, I end up quitting or getting fired over some stupid reason. I find it hard to play the idiotic games that people play with each other everyday. I don't see a reason to work for people that don't know what they're doing, becoming part of a system that makes no sense. All these thoughts have led me to stay inside my box for so long and become so disconnected from people that I have lost all my friends because I refused to be seen in this state anymore and don't answer their calls or visit them, besides the fact that I lost my car. I have gotten to a point where I guess I take everything way to serious, at least that's what I've been told. I've become proud, bitter and emotionally challenged, it is very hard for me to show appreciation and affection. I think about suicide almost everyday, I tried to kill myself when I was about 6 or 7 but never dared to try it again maybe because of the impact that had on those closest to me, I really think a couple of them would actually die if I do. If there was a way to completely erase my existence I would probably go for that. I just had to move back with my mom because I failed to make it on my own in the world and it makes me feel like less of a man, that and the fact that I get so weird around people and that I can't keep a girl, or get a girl for that matter. I have considered therapy but is kind of inaccessible to me at the moment. If anyone can, please help, I got none I can to talk to.

Anyone who tries suicide at 6 or 7 has very deep seated problems that might be situational (family problems etc) or might be biological/chemical, possibly genetic. You really should see a therapist AND get a complete neurological and endocrine workup. Where are you? What was your family life like? Where is the nearest university medical center?
Any major trauma, head injury, or illness, such as menigitis or flu with a very high fever?
Any family history of mental illness?
And chance your mother took any medications when pregnant with you?

Thanks for the concern. I'm in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. The family situation is long and complicated story. Right now I just moved back with my mom and my younger sister, I wouldn't say we're the most loving family but we do get along besides them being worried about my situation. Im not quite sure about any university medical centers, I'll have to look into that.
As far as any family history, non that I know off. I did get my first asthma attack a few days old and fell sick a lot during the time but it stopped when I was 6. My mom did tell me recently that I was born asleep and the doctor said I was born depressed but other doctors overruled the possibility. She does not recall taking any madication but she says she was very depress during the time of the pregnancy. The only major head injury I had was in the suicide attempt, I jumped of a moving bus and I was out for at least 10 minutes.

I think it's possible that a university might be interested in testing you because of such an early suicide attempt (and current problems getting along). Imaging of the brain to see where activity is either over or under active, for instance. Your mother's depression and the weird mention of you being 'born depressed' is something to look into. I'll bet you could have a chemical imbalance, everything from serotonin to dopamine to endorphins to who knows what. Most people just go to a shrink and take antidepressants or other psych meds, but you need to look into your birth records and find a U med center. Plus it's more likely to be free. It's going to take work when you don't feel like going out, but maybe you can do a lot on the phone or with the help of the family doctor.

I found out the university of miami has a behavioral science program that might help. I'll have took more into it to see if I can be accepted. Thanks for the help.

Let us know if they want to see you or have any ideas.
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Originally Posted by icabaru

I am 24 years old and I've been in this situation for the last 2 years, the last year has been worst. All I do is sit at home watching tv or in the computer masturbating at least twice a day. I can't seem to hold conversations with people, specially with woman, I can't seem to be able to keep a job for over a year, I end up quitting or getting fired over some stupid reason. I find it hard to play the idiotic games that people play with each other everyday. I don't see a reason to work for people that don't know what they're doing, becoming part of a system that makes no sense. All these thoughts have led me to stay inside my box for so long and become so disconnected from ppl that i have lost all my friends because i refused to be seen in this state anymore and don't answer their calls or visit them, besides the fact that i lost my car. I have gotten to a point where i guess i take everything way to serious, at least that's what i've been told. i've become proud, bitter and emotionally challenged, it is very hard for me to show appreciation and affection. I think about suicide almost everyday, i tried to kill myself when i was about 6 or 7 but never dared to try it again maybe because of the impact that had on those closest to me, I really think a couple of them would actually die if I do. if there was a way to completely erase my existence I would probably go for that. I just had to move back with my mom because i failed to make it on my own in the world and it makes me feel like less of a man, that and the fact that i get so weird around people and that i can't keep a girl, or get a girl for that matter. I have considered therapy but is kind of inaccessible to me at the moment. If anyone can, please help, i got none i can to talk to.

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I'm glad you have decided to seek outside guidance in your situation. You will probably determine that your personal, emotional problems are far less serious and complex than perceived.

I agree with Joy as to the need for outside guidance (treatment if you prefer) but wouldn't rule out non-medical resources. Your narrative seems to follow a rather basic thematic course and any objective intervention should help immensely (as momma used to say "a good talkin' to"). A bit more specifically, I mean "a sit-down discussion with someone that you have confidence in, with whom you can openly discuss your feelings." Please don't overlook these simple solutions in search of a "scientific" magic pill or classification.

If the psych referral doesn't work out, don't lose hope. Seek out a counselor (broadly interpreted) of any genre and explain to them how you're feeling, what you're doing in response to those feelings, and see if they have any recommendations.

It sounds as though you have woven a web of complexity around some very basic human emotions. At this point, 2 years, the web, the thought patterns are easily penetrable by objective opinion and procedural redirection. As time proceeds it becomes more difficult. So don't get in the habit!

I felt that the suicide attempt at such a young age suggested something more than the usual therapy.

All I do is sit at home and think about messed up thoughts wondering where I went wrong with the drugs. Honestly I got a few tips if you really want to hear them... Meditate, laugh about the painful things, keep trying (with girls, getting out, work). Sometimes staying strong and moving pass those negative thoughts while interacting can make the difference. Honestly I don't know where all the bull **** ends but its got to stop somewhere these things mostly just become phases. Again meditate it can clear your mind of all the bad.

Love love love can set us free