Ok before I start this I believe it is wrong in any situation to hit a female. As a young child I watched my mother get hit time after time by my father and I vowed never to put a woman through that. So I'm strongly against it.

Anyway she's 16, I'm 17 both about to be seniors in high school and this is probably one of my first serious relationships. So we got into an argument last night over another female she accused me of flirting with. But that's besides the point. I thought her being mad was kind of cute, sooo I laughed. And apparently she didn't find it very funny so she slapped me. That kind of set me off inside. Brought back a few memories.

So I went into defensive mode I guess and I yelled at her (regret that) telling her not to put her hands on me again. I could tell she thought about it first but she slapped me right across the face again. Then started screaming and what not about the other female.

When I didn't respond to her she took it too far by trying to knee me in my groin and slapped me again. HOnestly at that point I felt a strange urge to retaliate. So I grabbed her by the arms, pulled her closer to me, looked her dead in the eye, and told her I wasn't going to take her hitting me so if that was what she planned on doing she could get out of my mothers house.

She started telling me I was hurting her. So I let her go and she just stormed out. It wasn't my intention to hurt her. That's the last thing I wanted to do. Even though I think she said that because I scared her I still feel guilty. I've tried calling her but she won't pick up. Now I need help. How do I make it up to her? And what's another way to handle this besides just leaving her. That's out of the question. She's going through a rough patch in her life right now and she normally doesn't go off on little things like this.

She assaulted you and then you assaulted her. You could have merely left the room.

1. she things you are flirting with someone
2. you laughed at her, not discussed this
** those are most likely the two more important issues
3. then you used force on her

I would way at this point you just move on, since this has come to violence there is seldom any good way to fix it.

Quite honestly you had every right to yell at her to never hit you again. You had every right to eventully defend yourself. As far as you holding her and telling her that you will not put up with that behaviour good for you. As far as feeling guilty, what exactly are you feeling guilty about? If that is the way she is going to be and that is the way the relationship is going to be it is best not to be in it. Get out of it, leave her alone and be done with it. This relationship will not thrive.

End it for the better for you and for her, and do not appologize or try to make it up to her. For her hitting you. Wow, anyway...

I mean I do want to apologize if I really did hurt her

Who cares if you did or not. You had to refrain her, she was getting violent. She hurt you more then you hurt her. Honestly walk away, no apologies needed. Even if you did, at least by what I have read you did not punch or hit her. You just held her. If in the situation I would have done the same thing to protect myself. But I would not feel sorry about it.

You did not CAUSE her to hit you. THREE TIMES no less.

You have nothing to be sorry about, except that in retrospect, I'm sure you should have booted her a** out the door after the first time she hit you.

Any person, male OR female, who tries to control an argument by the use of force, should be a person you RUN away from.

Dude, stay away from her, and save your apologies. She doesn't deserve it, nor you deserve to be hit. You may not like it, but you have been warned what she is capable of and next time, you may end up in jail.

Leave this loony alone dude, no matter what she is going through.

Chances are great, she WILL do this again. This is unacceptable.

She's manipulating you! She hit you yet your doing the apologising? Stay away from her, she has a dangerous mind. She sounds like the type of girl that will go blabbing to people that you hurt her!

You had every right to restrain her from hitting you further.

Wow I wish you guys knew her personally. She's not like that at all.

I tend to have a low opinion of people that think its OK to use violence as a way of controlling a situation or people

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Originally Posted by marcus91

wow I wish you guys knew her personally. She's not like that at all.

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Not like what? She slapped you how many times?? Pay attention!!

GULLIBLE. I do not care what she is like personally. We are all telling you the same thing but your in denial. You asked for help and now you do not accept the truth and help.

So it is up to you what you do, but we all gave you warnings.

So she's going through a tough time. That's a great excuse to accept her violence. That's how many people stay in abusive relationships, they keep telling themselves that the person that's hitting them is just going through a tough time. Doesn't stop them from hitting you though.

You have nothing to be sorry about. I am female, and I've been in many abusive relationships. The worst was the guy I dated when I was 15. He wanted sex. I said no. His response, he bashed my head into the windshield of his car. He hit my head against the windshield so hard that the windshield broke. Then he beat me up for breaking his windshield. Thankfully I was smart enough to leave, and quickly. I still have a scar though, to remind me of what I will not accept, ever!

She hit you. She has no right to hit you, no matter what she's going through. That's just an excuse, and it's worse, because you're making the excuse for her. How much are you willing to accept? Are you willing to accept a kick in the groin? How about a punch? How much can she get away with?

Walk away. You've witnessed abuse. Don't fall into the trap. Don't make excuses for her. No matter what's going on in her life, she had absolutely no right to get violent.

OK I'm starting to get the point here but I don't know... I don't want to completely cut her out of my life just yet but I guess it's a good idea to take a break. I guess the truth is I don't really see her as a threat to me and I don't want to let her go because I do have really strong feelings for her but I'll try this and see how it turns out.

Anyway thanks to everyone for the help/advice

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Originally Posted by marcus91

ok I'm starting to get the point here but I don't know ... I don't want to completely cut her out of my life just yet but I guess its a good idea to take a break. I guess the truth is I don't really see her as a threat to me and I don't want to let her go because I do have really strong feelings for her but I'll try this and see how it turns out.

Anyways thanks to everyone for the help/advice

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Marcus, I really thought I loved the guy that smashed my head into his windshield. Up until that point he was the greatest guy, treated me well, was the nicest guy I knew. I was too young to know what love is, but in my heart I loved him. Then he did what he did. That's not love.

I understand your guilt. It shows what type of guy you are. A good guy. She beat on you, and you feel guilt for making her stop. Do you think that you should have let her continue hitting you, because she's a female and you're a male?

Abuse is abuse. She's the abuser. You had every right to protect yourself, and frankly, even if you'd slapped her back, I wouldn't be judging you. All you did was hold down her arms to stop her from hitting you. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilt about that.

She should be calling you to apologize. The fact that she hasn't speaks volumes.

There are girls out there that will never raise a hand to you and then play the "I'm a girl, you hurt me by stopping me from beating you up" card.

She's not worth it.

You deserve better.

I think stress can get to you,you said this was the first time this happened with luck it will be the last.You should give her some space let her calm down, I think what she did was wrong,and given a little bit of time to think about it I'm sure she'll realize it too and that you had every right to stop her from from hurting you or her self ,as long as you didn't use undue force I don't think you did any thing wrong.
With any luck she'll come to you.You should try to talk it out with her and if she's sorry you should try to explain to her that you have to sit down an talk a problem out ,not yell about it and certainly not fight it out she had no right to hit you and it certainly should not happen again and if it does you should really think about your feelings for her. Good luck I hope every thing works out the way you want it to.