I had a friend whom, I loved and trusted the most in my life. But 11 months ago he started backbiting me with others, hence I left him forever 06 months ago. I also had said to him face to face that why you did this, and he was completely quiet, because he had no words to explain his position.

His memories are still alive in my mind, and whenever I see him sitting with other guys, I aspire that I get him back, despite having knowledge that he is not a trustworthy guy. And unless I do not see his face once in day, I do not feel myself rested, means my heart inclines me that I must see him daily in day.

Therefore I being compelled by my heart, go to pass from his house in order to see his face. He still, today is saying to others regarding me, that I am not a good guy. Therefore everybody in their vicinity has started considering me a wrong person, and have lost their faith in me, but I am by my heart not a wrong person.

I am since several months trying to find a best efficacious remedy so as to forget him. I've also consulted with some experienced people regarding the aforesaid matter, but everyone says me that forget him, and this is the answer which does not satisfy me. I want to get another best method and best answer for forgetting him, and want to rebuild my honour in his eyes.

And another last thing, now what should I do to forget him forever. Or what should I do that he himself comeback to me. Kindly post a best answer for this question and I'll never the obligation of my brothers and sisters.

Hope to hearing from all of you very soon

Thanks


Edited/T

It sounds like your friend has continued his unfriendly behavior and directed it at you if 'his' friends consider you the 'bad guy'.

Why do you think you have to regain your 'honour' in his eyes? He is the one who by his own behavior damaged the trust you held for him. He is the one making it seem as though you were a bad friend. He is the one who should be trying to get his 'honour' back in your eyes.

You seem to have an unhealthy obsession with him and need to give yourself ways and tools to let go and move forward.

I know it hurts to let a friendship go, but you can do things to help yourself. Stop going by his house. Stop looking for him. Change your habits so that you don't bump into him any more than is necessary due to school, work, or community. Be polite, but don't encourage contact of any type including eye contact or friends giving updates.

Get involved in activities, hobbies, etc. where you can meet new people and make new friends. You aren't replacing the friendship that you had. You are allowing yourself to build new relationships and memories. As you move forward, the pain will ease. The compulsion to see him everyday will fade.

I am not saying it is a quick fix or that there is no pain involved. I am saying that it takes time and effort on your part. It also takes you being willing to move forward. If you aren't willing to let go, then nothing anyone suggests can help.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

Unless you heed the very good advice by everyone and cut this fellow and his friends from your life, and get some REAL friends who can be loyal and supportive, then you will continue to suffer.

That means have nothing to do with them in any way. That's your solution, now don't be hard headed about it.

Hello

My dears brothers and sisters,

I am a 21 years old guy. In my locality everyone hates me because of nothing, but there are some indecent guys over there, who have spread wrong news about me, that I am a bad guy and does not tolerate a good moral character. But believe me I am not a wrong person by my heart I am completely right person. But now I don't know why all of them hate me, I've also talked and persuaded them face to face that I am not a wrong guy but despite that they are not believing in me. Now I want to seek your suggestion that what should I do and how do I build my respect and honour in front of them/in their eyes, or should I leave that vicinity??

Sorry, no, if everyone hates you, then you have done something publicly. If a few people are merely talking about you, most people will not believe them but they will go by your actions.

You build respect by being a person of your word, and helping others in your daily life.

My concern is that perhaps there is a issue in your life, that makes you "THINK" people don't like you

In my locality there are some indecent guys who dislike me because I by my rules am very strict and honest person while the guys who dislike me they all are completely wrong persons but also there are some decent guys who like me very much means they all want to remain in connection with me they can't live without me. I have also a best friend whom I love the most and I can't live without him and do not want to leave him The problem with me is that they (indecent guys) by telling my best friend wrong things about me, have made him, their own friend and my best friend has also started considering me a wrong guy I have even persuaded my best friend not to consider me a wrong guy but he refuses to hear even a single word of mine and I can't live without him. Now the problem is what should I do? Either I vanish from that locality forever or I remain calm regarding aforesaid matter.

You have asked this 3 times now. You won't say what they think you did that is so terrible, or why you would be stabbed in the back, or why everyone would be talking about you. There is something strange about your lack of any information at all. An entire town of friends doesn't just suddenly decide to all dislike someone unless tthat person did something. There is always someone who won't listen to gossip. So what did you do, according to them?

Is it possible that you have a mental illness? Are you spending all your time thinking one person after another hates you, and finally they are just fed up with your suspicions?

Rizwan, this is a delicate question. Do you have stronger feelings for your friend than just friendship? Did his attitude change when he realized how deeply you feel for him?

The best thing you can do is get involved in activities where you can rebuild your own life and meet new friends. If you keep looking back, you are going to keep stumbling over the same problems over and over again.

Threads have been merged

I want to seek your suggestion regarding a problem, which I don't know how to resolve?

In my earlier posts I'd mentioned that I've a friend whom I can't forget. And I'd also mentioned that due to some indecent guys we'd to apart from each other means my friend considered me as a wrong person, hence he left me by saying rot words about me. This matter remained continue for about 1 year. The problem of our separation was that, my friend was too at fault because I'd respected him a lot, but he didn't respect me in return. Now both of us have reconciled and again we've become good and fast friends as before. Now the question arises that how should I deal with him, either I give him a lot respect as before, should I forgive him for his faults, or if I talk with and meet with him within limits.

Or any other suggestion that deems fit and proper for me

I think trying to fit people into your own mold of behavior is very self defeating, and quite judgmental, and if you cannot gain mutual respect for just communicating honestly, you should not force it.

Why is it so important to change people to meet your own view of what is acceptable. Much better to find someone that is acceptable without changing them.

Accept them also, or leave them alone.