Long story short I am married with 2 under aged children. 12 years ago I became very mentally ill after my grandmother died. I became so depressed that I was unable to care for my children. My husband (after a legal battle) gained full physical and legal custody of the children, I was awarded visitation. While I was still trying to recover from the loss of my grandmother, and facing homelessness, shunned by my entire family for " being a bad mother", my husband disappeared with the children.

12 years later , and after years of trying to find them, my husband (no we are not divorced)facebooked me... he wants money for my son's car who is 16 now. Mind you, he never filed for child support or applied for state benefits, so that I would not be able to find them. He said he purposefully hid from me and my family so that he would not complicate his life. They have 3 other older siblings witch were living with us at the time as well, I raised them, but my estranged children that were with my husband were never told of them ( I guess the kids do not remember them ).

My question is this... how can I keep him from disappearing out of my life again? I have no idea how to enforce my visitation rights since we live in different states. I have talked to my kids a little, they seemed confused because they were told I had run away from them and never wanted them, which is a lie. Please don't judge me, just help me because this is tearing my heart out.

What states are involved? Were there court orders not to leave the state so that you could have visitation?

Your husband is guilty of parental kidnapping and parental alienation. In your other posts you said you are in Nevada and the children are in California. Where was the custody and visitation order issued? If you still live in that same jurisdiction, then you go to that court and ask that contempt of court citations be issued against your husband for denying you court ordered visitation and for parental alienation. You will need to show proof that you have been searching for them all these years.

You ask for a new visitation order that allows you to have the children come visit you.

Now here is the hard part. You don't want to make the same mistake your husband made. You don't want to alienate the children against him. So what I would explain to the children was that you were really in a bad way 12 years ago. You were not capable of being a proper mother to them and the courts were right in giving their father custody. Further you understand why your father took them away, that he was trying to protect them, however misguided his actions were. But you have gotten better, that you have spent the last 12 years trying to find them and now that you have, you want to be a part of their lives. So, assuming the courts award you visitation, start slowly. Travel to CA, spend time with them over a week or so. Then have them come visit you before school starts.

The courts should order the children receive some counseling, work with the counselor to do what the counselor believe is the best.

Good luck to you and keep us posted.

Thank you for your advice. I am proceeding very carefully when talking to the children and never bad mouthing their father since he seems to have raised them fine. I am in Reno Nevada at this time and he is in Murrietta California. I do not remember the order and what it said, but I am sure there must be something on there that states he has to stay in contact and it was issued in Riverside California where we used to live.

My parents , who he knows their address to, have never been contacted by him, he states that he had no way of finding me, which is hard to believe since my parents have lived in the same house for over 25 years. I do not know how I can show proof of trying to find the kids, other then witnesses who have tried to help me as well, I have no real documentation.

This is a very hard situation because there are siblings involved that were denied rights to their lost brother and sister. After the court order for mandatory visitation to the kids were over, he took off and he even stated he had " red flags" on the kid's paperwork in school to not allow me or my family information if the children were inrolled. I do think he hid from me and I do think he tried to keep them from me... but now he's opened up communication, so he can't just " poof" again without legal recourse correct?

We can't answer that. We need to know what the court order said. You mentioned mandatory visitation ending. So it could be that he didn't violate any court order.

California would appear to have jurisdiction.

Yes, you show your parents have lived in the same place for 25 years. You get depositions from people who are aware of your attempts to find them. You get copies of the instructions given the schools not to provide you with information.

But there is nothing to stop him from disappearing again if he thinks he can stay under the radar. You need to get a court to order you visitation so at least, if he does disappear, you have a court on your side.

Okay, when I became ill I had a total of 5 kids. The two youngest (which are his) went to my husband,the other three from another relationship went to my parents. The court ordered visitation was for the two children (My husband had) to visit their siblings who lived with my parents. For whatever reason, it was for a period and once it was over my husband up and disappeared with the children. I remember having a court ordered visitation, in fact I just spoke with him today and he said he never tried to get me for " Abandonment" or to ammeand the visitation rights, So... they are still in effect as of now.

I have asked him to send me copies of the order , but of course now he says he can't find them.

Am I understanding that I need to go to Riverside, California and go to court there again to enforce my rights or can I do it from up here? I am not interested in pursuing a criminal case against him at this time because it would hurt the two kids far too much... but if he does this again I'm going to be horribly devastated and I know if I can prove to him that it's illegal to do so, he won't do it because he's terrified of going to jail.

Any court action needs to be filed with the court that has jurisdiction. Since he remains in CA that would be CA courts. You would have to start in Riverside. You don't have to personally go there to initiate filing.

Your first step would be to get the records from previous court actions. Not from him, but from the court. And you need to do this ASAP. Your best bet is to get an attorney who can do all this for you.

As for proving to him that disappearing again would be illegal, Google parental kidnapping. That should find you enough citations to convince him. Tell him you do not want to have to go that route, but you will if he forces you to.