Hello there... many of you will recognize me, specifically from past situations I have mentioned on here and will be pissed. Before I begin, I just want to say that I did take your advice in the past and it did help me, but nonetheless, I gave this guy another chance (for the 8th time-literally) and it backfired on me again-rightfully so.

I have been on and off with a man for the past 12 years. We have 2 kids together. He has been in and out of prison throughout our entire relationship and I have always been there for him-hoping that if he noticed how much I took care of him and loved him-that he would be able to love me back the same way.

He just got out again about six months ago. I took him back (actually, I took him back right before he went in-we were broken up for about 3,4 years prior). He promised that he loved me and he was a changed man and that he would never do anything to hurt me or the kids ever again because he realized how lucky he was that I had even given him another chance.

Well that lasted about 5 months... He isn't abusing drugs or hitting me anymore like he did in the past, but he is cheating and not coming home again at night. To me, that hurts just as bad...

I've done a lot for this man. Two months ago, I found out that he has yet another child from yet another woman (he fathered a child with one of the women he cheated on me with before and has a daughter with her)So, now he also has a son. Just to be clear, he has a son and a daughter with me (they were his first), a daughter from another woman, and a son from yet another woman.

I should have let him go right there, but I didn't. I stuck it out with him and thought even though everything was all messed up that I could still "fix" things that were broken in our relationship by showing how much I cared and loved him. God, I make myself sick! I'm embarrassed to even type this but I need some help.

There is so much more but in a nutshell, we are over. We are getting together this evening briefly to discuss the splitting process (bank accounts, bills, schedules with the kids).

I know it's for the best and I'm kind of excited about moving forward in my life, but that aching is there in my heart and it is making me sick! I am so sick to my stomach and I am so sad and hurt-even though I know I shouldn't be. What can I do to get more sleep at night? What are some techniques I can use to get through this sick feeling inside my heart and tummy? I know it's my nerves but will it ever go away?

I can't remember what I did the last time it was so long ago. All I feel is shame and guilt and I'm not the one who did anything wrong. I'm not worried that I'll ever go back to him again, because I know I won't. I just need help on how to keep strong and be happy again by myself-without all this physical pain? Why am I feeling this way when I shouldn't?

Aw, you just need a friendly shoulder to cry on, and a good hug. That's what friends and family are for, support, love and understanding during hard times.


>BIG CYBER HUG<

Everything will be okay, I promise.

If you didn't have that pain, you wouldn't be normal. Embrace the pain right now and mourn your loss. You've certainly given him every ounce of your heart and so much of your energy. Now it's time to give that love and energy to your children and to yourself.

I am so proud of you for finally making a permanent decision about this man! We are here for you to help however we can. Here's a hug from me too -- (((((D in MO)))))

You are smart, you are clever, you will gather together your resources, and you will get through this. Please keep us informed as to how this plays out. We do care about you.

Thanks guys! I knew better than to let myself get back into this mess again so I feel that I kind of deserve this; however, I really truly am a smart, beautiful, kind-hearted person-you would think those traits are what people want in each other, but instead, I just got taken advantage of. Again, from the same fool-Ugh, how humiliating and I brought it all on myself. I just want this pain to go away that lies inside me.

I've been trying to do positive things like taking the kids swimming and keeping busy-which helps a lot, it's just when there is that downtime that I feel the need to hurt. Hugs to you all too. I'm so glad I have a part of you guys in my life!

DM, speaking for myself, I am proud of you. You have taken a huge step forward and I think you may need to look at some of your emotions with a different perspective. You shouldn't feel shame or guilt, but I am sure that is how you are interpreting the fear of letting go and moving forward.

Hurting is a normal part of mourning a loss such as letting go a long held dream. You've spent a long time and a lot of energy hoping for him to change not just for yourself but your children.

It will take some time to change your thought patterns and fully let go especially since you have to communicate with him due to the children and, if you are like a lot parents, you try not to let the children see the tears. Being strong for them is okay, but have someone such as Tal suggested who you can lean on for some temporary support. Someone who will lend a shoulder and an ear and encourage you not to dwell or wallow in the negative feelings.

Meditation, yoga, reading, music, needle crafts, writing, etc. can be ways to direct your thinking into more positive channels or to encourage your mind to relax.

I agree with Cat.

You are on the right path now. Just feeling withdrawl symptoms from a bad drug. Him.

It will get better, and there is nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, just the opposite.

How about treating yourself for a change? And keep doing it. Focus on what makes you feel good, not crappy.
And spread that love & positivity around.

And keep posting. Were here.

Sorry I've been away from the computer for a few days... so far I am doing OK. I've had a few moments of tears and anger but rightfully so. I refuse to sit here and wonder what is wrong with me. I know I'm a good person and a good mother. It's just the pain I feel inside, almost like a sick pain as if I have the stomach flu or something. I need a good remedy for that. Just knowing that I'm doing the right thing by letting him go is only helping me a little.

I just want to get a good night's sleep again and I can't get that. I'm even thinking of moving. He still has all of his things here except for whatever he packs when he goes. How can I get away from this sickness when I'm constantly being reminded of him. UGH I am so angry with him! Probably more with myself.

Pack up all his stuff and put it somewhere you don't have to look at it all the time.

Maybe moving is a good thing-NOT having him in your life is most certainly a great thing.

Keep telling yourself you are a brave,clever woman-because you are!!

><

By all means don't accept him again. You are worth so much more than that. Move on with your life and happiness will come again.I had one leave me after 13 yrs. But every thing worked out.
Sorry you had to go through this but I promise there are good men out there for you.
Duram

:) I'm a big believer in Karma. I think I'm going through it myself right now. I knew better than this I knew it! So please, I'm not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me, I'm not saying anyone does, I'm just saying that I need this sick feeling to go away. I need some therapy, just some tips on how to not feel so bad. I am so angry with myself SO ANGRY I deserve this I really do because I've been told time and time again. I'm sorry for hurting people that I really truly care about for being there for me and helping me only for me to go and make myself go through it again anyway. Thank Good ness I still have some of my family by my side, hopefully I can still keep some of my friends...

To make way for better things, you have to get rid of all the old stuff. Everything. Does he have family? Pack up his crap, and send it, or move it to the garage.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Depressed in MO

I need some therapy, just some tips on how to not feel so bad. I am so angry with myself SO ANGRY I deserve this I really do because I've been told time and time again.

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It's time you find a counselor. Call around and make an appointment.

You owe it to us. :D

Find a therapist-it'll take some time to work through this.

You need to get to a place where you stop blaming yourself for being human.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

To make way for better things, you have to get rid of all the old stuff. Everything. Does he have family? Pack up his crap, and send it, or move it to the garage.

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He has family, but they are just as bad off as he is. Last night was a bad night for me... I told him to take as much as he could for right now, and he did. He says he has no where to take it as he has nowhere else to live so I told him to take it to wherever he has been staying because it certainly isn't at home! I want to get a long with him, and I could I suppose, but I am just so angry and sad right now-I can't even look at him...

Right now I'm just comfortably numb:(

Congratulations on standing up for yourself and not allowing the 'poor pitiful me' act to weaken your resolve.

Being polite and civil toward the father of your children does not mean you have to put up with him or provide a hotel and restaurant for when he wants a free place to stay. You are also not his storage locker.

I think counseling is a very good idea as a way to reinforce the positive changes you are making and a healthy way to release the negative feelings and thoughts. If the children are being affected by his behavior, you might even think about family counseling so that they can learn ways to deal with their father and any conflicting emotions they might have.

I think your children should be very proud to have a mother like you. One who is learning from the past and doing her best to make a better future. :)

Thanks, Cat.

I'm sure they are being affected by all this, they are acting up a lot more because their dad isn't home so I think they feel they can get away with more stuff... I don't want them to hate or dislike their dad, but I do think that they are happier that he is not around so much. He still has a temper even though he's made some huge improvements on that end.

I just am so tired of feeling sick. I need just one day of peace and rest in my mind...

First chance you get, do something good for yourself, you deserve, and need it.

Ah yes I just need to keep myself busy. I feel good but just real scared all at the same time. I think that's what's causing the sick feeling...

Fear will hit you in the gut.

>another cyber hug for the MO lady<

The best way to overcome fear is with courage, and accomplishment. (you thought I was going to say chocolate?? )!!

I need LOTS of choclate!! :)