Me and my ex broke up about two months ago, and we didn't talk for about a month of it because we needed space and to move on. We were very in love and very attracted to each other before we broke up, and both of us had a very hard time, but we broke up because we just spent too much time together, fought too much, etc.
So about a week or two ago he IMs me for the first time in about a month. I had been handling it pretty well, and I was shocked that he talked to me. After that he IMed me almost all the time, within a few minutes of me signing online. He calls occasionally and invites me places. We hung out EVERY day last weekend, and we ended up hooking up at a party on Saturday night and the next morning he took me out to breakfast, held my hand, and kissed me. All my feelings for him started coming back... and I don't know what to do! We both agreed not to "expect anything", but that's all we've talked about. We talk every day, not romantically, but just as friends or sometimes a little flirty.
I've already decided I cannot be "just friends" with him... it would be too hard for me since I'm starting to like him again. But that doesn't mean I don't want to wait for him or explore a little more before I cut him out again... is there ANY way he could really just want to be friends?? Why would he kiss me, call me all the time, IM me, etc? He gets really jealous of other guys too and isn't really looking for another girl. How can I tell without asking him/freaking him out because its so early?

Sounds like you two are falling into the old traps that made you split up the first time. Spending way too much time together and no balance...

What makes you think things will work this time?

He is jealous by your own admission. I bet that hasn't changed in such a short time.

To be quite frank it sounds as though you are both acting immaturely here. Breaking up, then hooking up again at a party, getting jealous etc.

You broke up the first time for a reason. It wasn't working. Why would there be anything different this time?

You seemed very confused and actually you have confused me! Id say leave him in the past where he should be and work on yourself for while!

If he is,as you say,jealous,what good could come of getting back together? You can't teach an old dog new tricks,and jealously does not just "go away", Take it from someone who has"been there,done that". Drop him like a hot potato and run like hell!!

Hahah thank you for the advice, I realize that the jealousy issues are bad... but I really do care for him, and I am willing to try again--i know I've gained a lot from the past few months apart. I was just wondering... is it possible for him to only want a friendship? And how can I tell this? I don't want to ask him just yet becausae we are both going on vacation in two weeks and we both don't want anything serious before then.. but I don't want to get led on either :(

So you have feelings for him and 'can not just be friends with him" but you want to know if he wants a friendship?

Forgive me but I'm confused.

What do you mean is it possible that he just wants to be friends?

Who knows what he is thinking. Only he does. Ask him!

While you two are hanging out and flirting with each other you should be finding out where this thing is headed. Time to talk not screw.

It doesn't sound to me like the two of you are being "just friends", more like one another's booty call. If you can't be with him on a casual basis and it is too hard for you to do so, tell him this. You don't have to tell him to f**k off, just be honest. You have to put your needs first. How are you going to get over him if you keep hanging out with him and seeing him all the time. How is he going to have to give you more in terms of a relationship if you are settling for any crums he dishes out? He still has you, but removed the commitment, so he can hook up with other girls at any time too. Good position for him to be in, huh? By the way, who initiated the breakup in the first place? If he did, sounds to me like he may be using you now.

Had to spread it around ,but I agree with Southernbelle here as it seems like he has you but is free to roam all over the place. While you are happy to just be there when he wants. A lot to consider here.

And you are going on vacation? Sounds like you both want the same thing. A convenient booty call. Take your vacation,and but leave him on a permament vacation when you get back.He probably is thinking"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free?"

Sounds like you want to be friends, but aren't over him yet... and I think he wants more than friendship from you, and if you are wanting out again, then its best to do so! So that he can start moving on as well... if you want to end things.

See I still have feelings for him, and he said he still has feelings for me too... but that he doesn't want a girlfriend yet because it's too stressful. He's not really getting the milk for free because we've only hooked up one time and we didn't really go past first base... PLUS he doesn't really hook up with anyone else, he kissed one girl. And he's the one contacting me all the time, I never call him first... so how can he be okay with "just friends" if he still likes/loves me? And he ALSO said we shouldn't hook up very much because its not healthy or whatever. How can I show him that when he comes back from vaca I can be in a relationship that Isn't stressful like it was before we broke up? I don't want to be j ust friends that like each other and barely hook up.. that's more stressful than our relationship would be!

You've basically got two options ; either walk away now and don't look back (since you can't be "just friends" with him) or be willing to play it by ear, in which case things may not turn out the way you'd like and you're going to have to be prepared to deal with that. WIll you be able to handle the disappointment if things get started up again (which it sounds like is what's happening now) but don't last again? That's the question you've got to ask yourself. None of us here can answer for him and I don't think it'd be wise, as you've indicated as well, to confront him about it directly at this point.

Lch, Your holding out hope for a relationship and seeing his attention on you as a sign he cares. He does, but has told you he wants to be friends and is not looking for a relationship. Its Friends with Benefits and he wants to be free to pursue someone else that he may like. Maybe not now, but if she presents herself then he has a friend which would be you and a new love interest. If your happy with your role as maybe, then have fun, but if you can't deal with the possibility that his attentions takes him to some one else then you had better rethink this and leave him alone. A few months of no contact would give you the space to make up your mind but it is up to you.

Thank you so much for all the advice! I decided just to wait until after vacation to talk to him about it... and to see how it goes from there. And if he truly doesn't want ANYTHING besides friendship, I will cut him out of my life completely and just move on. I just don't understand why he still calls me all the time, always wants to hang out.. but Doesn't want to get back together? And now he says he doesn't want to hook up either? Then what's the point?? How can he REALLY just want to be "just friends"... sheesh!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lch1589

me and my ex broke up about two months ago, and we didnt talk for about a month of it because we needed space and to move on. we were very in love and very attracted to each other before we broke up, and both of us had a very hard time, but we broke up because we just spent too much time together, fought too much, etc.
So about a week or two ago he IMs me for the first time in about a month. i had been handling it pretty well, and i was shocked that he talked to me. after that he IMed me almost all the time, within a few minutes of me signing online. he calls occasionally and invites me places. we hung out EVERY day last weekend, and we ended up hooking up at a party on saturday night and the next morning he took me out to breakfast, held my hand, and kissed me. all my feelings for him started coming back... and idk what to do! we both agreed not to "expect anything", but that's all we've talked about. we talk every day, not romantically, but just as friends or sometimes a little flirty.
ive already decided i cannot be "just friends" with him... it would be too hard for me since i'm starting to like him again. but that doesnt mean i don't want to wait for him or explore a little more before i cut him out again... is there ANY way he could really just want to be friends???? why would he kiss me, call me all the time, IM me, etc? he gets really jealous of other guys too and isnt really looking for another girl. how can i tell without asking him/freaking him out because its so early?

---

I was almost going through the same thing with my boyfriend. He broke up with me and we continued to "be friends". I must say that it ended up making things worse. I say spend time apart for a while, no contact, and when you guys are ready, THEn you can try to restart the relationship, but a friendship is a waste of time if you don't have "friend" feelings. Someone will end up hurt. That someone was me and now I am on a hope and a prayer about my relationship