Hello everyone, here it is:

Well my girlfriend and I split for a month after a fight over some silly things. Most of them, referring to a lack of care from her, because I told her, that I need to spend some time together (we were fighting a lot and I tought we need time alone). Well, she told that she has already planned a trip with some friends, and she just went to her trip. That situation put me in a very sad mood. And when she got back, she just call me one time and then I just didn't answer her, and then she didn't try to contact me for 2 weeks. Then my sadness grow and after that time, I just call her to get my stuff back and she just react with coldness and careless, claiming that I didn't care nothing about her for that time. We fight and she decided to split apart.

I didn't contact her for another 2 weeks and in mind was the idea of she might be interested in some other person. Well, time passed and she contacted me, saying that she need me and want me back. After a couple of days together again, she confesed me that she had kissed another guy (just that, according to her) in a bar. Obviusly, I send her to "pick flowers to Alaska" after that confesion. But she insisted, claming that was a mistake and her reason was "i kissed him because in a moment a see your face in that guy"...

Well, I didn't put much resistance on that, and I accept her almost right away, but I told her that I need some time to restablish my trust in her, and if she want this for real she must understand my lack of trust for a limited periord of time. And if I don't recover that trust in that time, I will call this off for us.

The trust got back in that time, but now there's about 5 moths after that, and I'm starting to feel unsecure about her again, when I sense that a friend of her get too close (I mean, I'm not the yelousy guy believe me, but when I see a male friend who call her insisntantly, or when I sense that she want to be around a particular guy for fun, I'm starting to feel that way again)

She says, that spot in our relationship wasn't a infidelity because we were apart, that's her argument, but it's not worth it for me since she was the one who wanted to split.

I don't know what to feel and do


Thanks

It is understandable that you do not trust her. I believe once you accept garbage that is what you will continue to get. Because she is the one who decided to call it off in the first place it makes it seem as though she never really did have good intentions towards your relationship. People make mistakes but because there are guys calling her constantly you are right to be uncomfortable with that.

She may not be as committed to this relationship as you are. If you 2 do break up she has definitely played her part in this. Right now she does not seem trustworthly.

Hello everyone, here it is:
Well my girlfriend and I split for a month after a fight over some silly things. Most of them, referring to a lack of care from her, because I told her, that I need to spend some time together (we were fighting a lot and I tought we need time alone). Well, she told that she has already planned a trip with some friends, and she just went to her trip. That situation put me in a very sad mood.
You got mad because you didn't want her to go with her friends and have fun. That sounds selfish and controlling
And when she got back, she just call me one time and then I just didn't answer her,
Because you were still mad and you wanted to make sure she knew it, the same as children do when they have a hissy fit.
And then she didn't try to contact me for 2 weeks. Then my sadness grow and after that time,
She didn't react with the care and contriteness you wanted her too so you got even madder.
I just call her to get my stuff back and she just react with coldness and careless, claiming that I didn't care nothing about her for that time. We fight and she decided to split apart.
You thought she should be begging for your forgiveness, and when she didn't you got mad when she held her ground
I didn't contact her for another 2 weeks and in mind was the idea of she might be interested in some other person.
You probably had all kinds of thoughts going thru your head
Well, time passed and she contacted me, saying that she need me and want me back. After a couple of days together again, she confesed me that she had kissed another guy (just that, according to her) in a bar. Obviusly, I send her to "pick flowers to Alaska" after that confesion.
She finally gives in to your stubbornness and tells the truth about what she has been doing but you of course play the wounded hero and reject her again as you are hurt and mad all over again
But she insisted, claming that was a mistake and her reason was "i kissed him because in a moment a see your face in that guy"...
But like the noble hero you have made her suffer enough and you take her back
Well, I didn't put much resistance on that, and I accept her almost right away, but I told her that I need some time to restablish my trust in her, and if she want this for real she must understand my lack of trust for a limited periord of time. And if I don't recover that trust in that time, I will call this off for us.
Now its time to turn the screws since you have control now and here come the conditions of your love, what a guy you are.
The trust got back in that time,
Of course the trust came back it was all BS to get control anyway
But now there's about 5 moths after that, and I'm starting to feel unsecure about her again, when I sense that a friend of her get too close (I mean, I'm not the yelousy guy believe me, but when I see a male friend who call her insisntantly, or when I sense that she want to be around a particular guy for fun, I'm starting to feel that way again)
Oh oh Now the real thing pops up and there goes your control so now you really feeling insecure as she is getting all kinds of attention and where does that leave you?
She says, that spot in our relationship wasn't a infidelity because we were apart, that's her argument, but it's not worth it for me since she was the one who wanted to split. She is right and its not worth it to you because you lose the control all over again.
I don't know what to feel and do
Grow up and stop trying to play games with peoples feeling. If you are that insecure you will always have problems in any relationship you have. You cannot control others with temper or trying to make them feel guilty for making you mad, or sad. This is immature and not healthy. Unless you grow up and act more appropriately and let people be who they are you will be alone.

You got mad because you didn't want her to go with her friends and have fun. That sounds selfish and controlling

No, I did want her to go, like in many other occasions, she has traveled and have all the fun with my best wishes and trust. But this time, I asked her not to go because we had a rough fight the previous day to her trip, and I though to ask her not to go to invest some healing time for us. She preferred the fun. That's was the reason of my sadness. Is that controlling?

Because you were still mad and you wanted to make sure she knew it, the same as children do when they have a hissy fit.

No, mad is different from sad, for my point of view... and yes I was still sad and there were some resentment at that moment growing. Maybe, yes in some part is an child act, because I wanted her to realize my hard feeling without telling her plain front, but that never came. Good point on this one, made me think.. thanks.

She didn't react with the care and contriteness you wanted her too so you got even madder.

Actually, I was the cool one, because she was the one with a naggy reaction and careless behaviour, saying that I didn't care for her so she don't want me around no more. I got more sad and surprised, but also, I though there something ELSE, so I give ALL the space, so the things will put in the place they have to be.

You thought she should be begging for your forgiveness, and when she didn't you got mad when she held her ground


No, I never though or expected that she would be begging for my forgiveness... I only expected her to be open to talk only... I just heard her over the phone only negative things driving the situation to a split... not a repair talk.

You probably had all kinds of thoughts going thru your head

The infidelity though was around yess, I can't denied it! It was a feeling in the air. Gratefully, it's not common feeling, so that's why its unconfortable to sense. Also, I was working a lot at that moment, higher hours, double shifts, etc, and it was a rough time for a couple I guess..

She finally gives in to your stubbornness and tells the truth about what she has been doing but you of course play the wounded hero and reject her again as you are hurt and mad all over again

Well, I don't see any stubbornness at that presice time, She just call me over to my work in the night, crying, to tell me what she had done in our split time. Hmmm wounded hero? If I can choose to be a hero, I choose to be aquaman, because I love the sea, but emotional heroes not in my wish list, u know?. Of course I reject her, I was hurt!! 1) because she was involved with someone else in the time she pushed us to be split apart 2) for waiting we get back together, so she can confese. And yes, I was mad then!!

But like the noble hero you have made her suffer enough and you take her back

Noble?? Yes I AM a noble person!! At every stage of my life, I try do my best. Make her suffer? Maybe was the other impression, because she came the next day to my house, very opened to talk (like never before), and I take her back... The reason: I LOVE HER... Accuracy: you guys and ladies tell me..

Now its time to turn the screws since you have control now and here come the conditions of your love, what a guy you are.

Ohh, please at this moment, tell me!! What would you do in my place? And please, don't tell me, "I would choose to move on"... I know, that's valid answer but please add to the equation all the emotional feelings, and relationship strings. What I mean, I shouldn't be as easy like to push a botton and say: Nope, I don't want you back no more.
It wasn't conditions, it was more, like expressing myself openly, telling her that I won't be trusting her because of that, and I would need her support for some time (FREE OF CHARGE of course). Why the limited time? Because I didn't want to be one of those guys, or females, always doubting her partners all time and in all situations and saying the reason why I'm like that with you, its because that little incident back in time... that's why if in a limit time I won't recover my trust in her (putting my 50% and her 50%), I won't be making her and mine life misserable.

Of course the trust came back it was all BS to get control anyway

Read above

Oh oh Now the real thing pops up and there goes your control so now you really feeling insecure as she is getting all kinds of attention and where does that leave you?


Hmmm, well you make analize my personal insecurities respect women, and I'm thankful for that. She's a beautiful lady and I don't have problems if other man recognize that (in a respectfull way for her of course), I sugest her all the time to wear sexy clothes, and sometimes she try to insinuate that I'm not jealous (like if that is wrong).

She is right and its not worth it to you because you lose the control all over again.

So, you are telling me that technically wasn't infidelity because we were apart (even she was the one who propose that). Ok. But that hurts man!. Knowing that my girl was kissing the lips of other guy just after a couple of weeks off and then she came back to me to tell me that!! (ok, I know at least she told me, after but she told me, what ever the reasons she might had to be honest even when we were broke, that's her prerrogative) BUT HURTS!! Make me sad not mad!! It was a nice attempt to forgive her not to revenge from her.

Grow up and stop trying to play games with peoples feeling. If you are that insecure you will always have problems in any relationship you have. You cannot control others with temper or trying to make them feel guilty for making you mad, or sad. This is immature and not healthy. Unless you grow up and act more appropriately and let people be who they are you will be alone.

I take the grow up with the best positive view, I'm thinking!. Playing with people feelings? Still not getting it. Insecure? We all have our insecurities. Playing the guilty scenario? Not my style. All my friends and people around me, don't recognize me as temperamental person, maybe a easy going dude :)... Oh, IM NOT INTERESTED IN CONTROL SOMEOTHERS MINDS OR FEELINGS from the heart.

Thanks but this reply has just few good points so I can take it for my benefit, the rest I sensed like a lack of deep concern to know what's more between the lines, understanding people feelings and human reactions. And I'm not talking to be compasive. Just a thought

Thanks anyway

Other opionins are so welcome

Bless to all

Technically, since you were split, it's not cheating. Sad, but true

I have to agree with Tal here.
You acted selfish and sooky to begin with and that drove her to seek distance from you, when she finally decided she wanted you back and wants to be completely honest with you, you fly off the handle and tell her you won't trust her for a while so that she is in a position where she will fight more for the relationship to fill your giant goblet of expectations.
Now that she is hangin around with another guy you need to stop getting jealous to keep this alive, there is nothing wrong with having fun, and being bitter and envious will only push her furthur away