:confused: Hello Me and my boyfriend has been togeathr for 5 yrs and he has other children from his past. And one of his child he has only seen twice and he pays full child support for. Well his ex called and said that she going to get married and her futrure husband want to adoped there son... and if my boyfriend would give up his parental rights... I taked to the mother on the phone and she told me that "J" only knows a man named "T" made him (talking about my boyfriend) and that her future husband he knows him as dad.. She said that he can take as long as he needed.. to decide on giving up his rights... Now my question is we live in the state of Missouri and his son lives in the State of Florida.. If my boyfriend decides to give his rights how long would it take to be legal and would he still have to pay child support... My boyfriend askd me my opionon and for once in my life I was speechless because if I was in his position I would be heart broken... I told my boyfriend they need to do what's in the best interest of "J"...

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Originally Posted by mama06

:confused: Hello Me and my boyfriend has been togeathr for 5 yrs and he has other children from his past. And one of his child he has only seen twice and he pays full child support for. Well his ex called and said that she going to get married and her futrure husband want to adoped there son... and if my boyfriend would give up his parental rights..... I taked to the mother on the phone and she told me that "J" only knows a man named "T" made him (talking about my boyfriend) and that her future husband he knows him as dad .. She said that he can take as long as he needed.. to decide on giving up his rights...Now my question is we live in the state of Missouri and his son lives in the State of Florida.. If my boyfriend decides to give his rights how long would it take to be legal and would he still have to pay child support... My boyfriend askd me my opionon and for once in my life I was speechless because if I was in his postion I would be heart broken...I told my boyfriend they need to do whats in the best intrest of "J"...

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I think the 2 of you should decide if the child or the money is more important. Hope you make the right decision

That sounded really callous. It's possible that by allowing the stepfather to adopt, the child will get a father that is there all of the time. It also sounds like the biological parents are on good terms with one another, so it's doubtful that she would completely shut him out of the child's life.

If he has only seen the child twice, I doubt there is much of a bond there.

If the step parent adopts, then the biological dad would not have to pay child support.

It sounds like the mother of the child is trying to make a "normal" life for her child, and is being civil about it to the father of the child.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

That sounded really callous. It's possible that by allowing the stepfather to adopt, the child will get a father that is there all of the time. It also sounds like the biological parents are on good terms with one another, so it's doubtful that she would completely shut him out of the child's life.

If he has only seen the child twice, I doubt there is much of a bond there.

If the step parent adopts, then the biological dad would not have to pay child support.

It sounds like the mother of the child is trying to make a "normal" life for her child, and is being civil about it to the father of the child.

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Sorry it just sounded like maybe it was the money, sometimes you just don't put much thought into things like this. Knew of a similar situation and was regretful a number of years down the road.

Mama, you sound like a very good person. There are so many women in your position who would put themselves ahead of their boyfriends/husbands child. You were absolutely right in telling him that the best interests of his son is what should be the priority here.

Synnen is right. Once a formal adoption goes through, your boyfriend would no longer be responsible for any support payments.

How long it would take depends upon your boyfriend's ex, her fiancé and their lawyer. The process would be for them to have a lawyer draft the document, they will send it to your boyfriend. He should review it with a lawyer and if there are no problems and it is a normal release of parental rights and obligations, he will sign it, make a copy of it for himself and return it. They will file it with the court system in Florida and eventually he should receive the official paperwork back. His lawyer can tell him when he can expect not to have to pay child support anymore and if he has to file any paperwork with the Missouri court system.

Considering his ex is being kind and you all seem to have a good relationship, you can keep up with what is going on with her by phone.

Frankly, in my opinion, it sounds like a win/win situation for everyone involved.

The ex's fiancé must really love your boyfriends son for him to want to take over the financial responsibility of another man's child. Your boyfriend should definitely be happy that someone is in his sons life on a daily basis to be a good father figure to him and give him the guidance a child needs when growing up. Since your ex is not really involved in his sons life, he has to ask himself if he wants to give up his rights as a father. It does not mean he can never see the boy again if he chooses to do so and he can speak with his ex about visiting once in a while. Giving up his rights means that he is no longer financially obligated and he can no longer be called upon if there is a parental decision to be made. That will now be the responsibility of the ex and her soon to be husband.

Show your boyfriend these postings and see what he thinks. The final decision rests with him. Any questions about the process and when his financial support will end he can discuss with his ex prior to making a final decision.

Good luck and I hope this helps.