I will try to make this short.

I always had painful relationships, the last 2 were long distance and I never looked around. Then I met him. Long story short, he swept me off my feet. We spent almost every day together for the past few months, first as friends, then more. And every time we left each other we said "this was by far the best day ever."

I know I sound like I am 15 right now and it's the way I feel. My mom says the way I walk changed. I can't look straight. We had a fight once and I lost 14 pounds in 10 days. I don't know what is happening to me but I just can't stay away from him.

But (there is always one, huh) lately we've been arguing a lot, mostly him being unfair to me, accusing me of unrealistic things and tonight, it kind of made sense.

He called me 5 times, drunk, crying, and told me everything I noticed but didn't want to see. He said that he would feel like an idiot if he married me because I've been married before, that his family is pressuring him for grandchildren and he doesn't know what to do because he is crazy about me but in the long run his frustration would kill us.

I talked him into going to sleep and now I'm sitting here thinking. I want to be with him, no matter how long, I want to make him happy and he was crying on the phone saying he feels like he's dying.

No matter what we do, we lose.

I really need an advice. I told him we should talk tomorrow and make a decision. I think I will tell him to go and never call me again, but I don't know how long we can stay apart and I don't want to start over just to hear the same things. I'm trying to carry all this but my heart is shattered. Is there still hope?

Oh, and the best part is, we work together.

If he can't get over the fact that you've been married, then how can there be hope?

Is that seriously the only thing that bothers him? I really don't know what I would say to that. If it were my boyfriend, I would say, "I am not ashamed of my past. It doesn't make me a bad person. In fact, I'm a very decent person. If you can't accept that, then fine, I don't need you". And that better be the last time I hear him complain about my past, otherwise I'd be gone.

If it's causing fights, you guys need some sort of intervention. I don't know how long you've been together, but maybe counseling would help? I don't know, it's all very odd to me that this is over a previous marriage.

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Originally Posted by southamerica

I don't know, it's all very odd to me that this is over a previous marriage.

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Well, he always lived with his family, I left my house very early and my twenties were crazy. Not the "sex drugs rock'n roll" crazy, but I have to say I had a lot of fun and I'm glad I did. He just knows that I've been married before since I kept my ex-husband's last name and that I had an abortion. He is incredibly traditional and even dating someone like me is "weird" I guess. For him, marriage is "forever" and I've been hoping for so long that he would change, now I'm lost.

Damn! 6 months ago we were so happy for you getting your act together. Now here you have gone and jumped into things all over again and gotten so carried away so fast. It ain't fair I say, after what you have been through.

Well you know the drill, NO CONTACT with his drunk traditional a$$. The dust will settle if you let it, and this time, no excuses, cut him loose.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn. Here we go again.

Yep, you were not watching and waiting, you jumped from one relationship into another it appears.

And this one is a drunk who fights and argues with you. He does not like the fact you were married before, but yet he has not dumped you.

Call him out, he has to make a choice, and if he choices you, then you only have a drunk that mistreats you for a new husband.

How about dumping him and staying on your own for a while

Well, just a little update.
After a hesitation period, I ended it. I told him I deserve better than the way he treats me. He begged, promised he would change, he said he loved me and that one day he could think about marriage (lucky me!) and in a weird way, I didn't yell or cry, I didn't even react.

After I hung up (it was on the phone, too) I finished my manicure and took a deep breath. All is well that ends well. My nails look perfect so I guess it ended well.

Party time?? Why not??

Well done.