Ask Me Help Desk - Should I move in with my boyfriend?

My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 3 years and dating for 1 whole year, we spend everyday of the year together and I enjoy that a lot. We agree on many things around the household. Im 17 now Ill be 18 in October, that's only when we move in together once I'm 18. My mum doesn't want me to leave but at the same time she tells me when she was 17 she was independent and living alone(well with my dad already) so she thinks I should do the same. I don't know if it's a good idea I still have a whole year of school left but I'm a really good student even if I had him around the whole time and he is very supportive about my studies he wants me to do well... HELP! I need sum positive attitude here!!

Thanks, Alina.

Are your mom and dad still together ?
How soon after moving in with your dad, did she get pregnant?

Does he have a job, does he have his own apartment ?
How will he support you, since you will have to finish school

No my mum and dad are divorced for ages my mum was pregnant before they got married or moved in that's why they did so. He has a full time job and his own apartment, I think he's the one, we get along I do have a good job that will be enough for me :))) thanks for the answer!

I don't want to be the one to say it but your mother was not living independently at 17. She was pregnant, 'married' and with your father who she probably thought was 'the one'. Guess he wasn't after all. Is that really the life she wants for you? Is that really the way you want your adult life to begin?

If you want to be independent at 18, then get a place of your own instead of living with your boyfriend. Keep in mind that you also have higher education to prepare for after high school. Unless this 'good job' that you have is one you plan to spend your entire working life doing.

Are either of you prepared for an accidental pregnancy? They happen quite frequently to those who think it can't/won't happen to them.

Do you have interests outside the relationship that keep you from being around each other all the time? Believe it or not, living together takes a lot of work and you need down time from the relationship so that you don't rely solely on each other for mental and emotional support and entertainment. Work, school, and relationships are stressful, you need ways to relieve that stress so that you don't take it out on each other.

Living together is very different than dating. It isn't as easy to ignore the little things you find annoying but endearing when you can go home or send him home. The mild irritations tend to become major aggrevations.

Please think long and hard about the future and the realities of living together not just the fantasy of being alone together.

I'm sorry but I think 17 is too young. I think your mother may very well be the perfect example of that.

My concern is that you are 17 with another year of school ahead of you. I'm assuming you mean high school. And then what are your plans?

I'm also sure you're typing fast but you said you're a "gud" student. Gud?

Spending every day together and being married are two different things. Are you sexually active now? Are you using birth control? Are you prepared to parent a child if your method of birth control fails?

These are adult considerations.

How good a job does a 17 year old have? Naw, I say make sure of your own future and education before you tie down with someone else. You don't have to be in a hurry now, take your time and make sure this is the real deal, for the long run, because people change a lot when they move in together, and have to find out a lot of things they didn't know about the person they have been dating.

Think carefully because this is a life changing event, and will change your future.

Where did I mention that I have a good, I don't. Things have changed since I wrote there last time. The reason that I am moving out now is because of my alcoholic stepdad and my mum having to carry the load in the house. I am making it easier for her trying to live my own life. Now I have to move out wheather its with the boyfriend or alone. I cannot afford to rent a whole apartment for myself, so I thought it would be a good idea. I have lived on my own when I was thirteen for 3 months. I know how sour it tastes. I have been through a lot in my life and I have always found the ways out. And this time I have no choice, maybe you guys misunderstood be but its not about me dying to live with the boyfriend. I don't have a perfect princess life I have to work for what I want and need even now Im helping to pay rent for my mum and the rest of the bills bit by bit. However I think its good to start your own life at 18 and not live on your moms money.

Of course not a good job, Its not about me hurrying. I HAVE to leave wheather I want it or not..

Perhaps if you had posted the entire story the first time you asked the question we ALL would have saved some time and given different advice.

I don't even know why you asked - you say you have no choice but to move out of your mom's house and have no where else to go BUT your boyfriend's house.

So move in with him.

No one said you lived an enchanted life - no one here does. You are not the only person who's experienced tough times.

You are probably not going to like this.

Quote:

[B]Where did I mention that I have a good [job?*], I don't.

*filling in a blank.

I guess you forgot writing this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by azzaarraa

No my mum and dad are divorced for ages my mum was pregnant before they got married or moved in that's why they did so. He has a full time job and his own apartment, I think he's the one, we get along i do have a good job that will be enough for me :))) thanks for the answer!

Quote:

Things have changed since I wrote there last time. The reason that I am moving out now is because of my alcoholic stepdad and my mum having to carry the load in the house. I am making it easier for her trying to live my own life. Now I have to move out wheather its with the boyfriend or alone. I cannot afford to rent a whole apartment for myself, so I thought it would be a good idea. I have lived on my own when I was thirteen for 3 months. I know how sour it tastes. I have been through a lot in my life and I have always found the ways out. And this time I have no choice, maybe you guys misunderstood be but its not about me dieing to live with the bf. I don't have a perfect princess life I have to work for what I want and need even now Im helping to pay rent for my mum and the rest of the bills bit by bit. However I think its good to start your own life at 18 and not live on your moms money.

I find it interesting how we 'misunderstood' what you didn't say. No mention of why your mother thinks it would be good for you to move out other than for 'independence' and because she did at your age. You have mentioned how great your relationship with your boyfriend is and that you think he could be 'the one'. No mention of your home life being a possible reason for the move.

Quote:

Originally Posted by azzaarraa

My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 3 years and dating for 1 whole year, we spend everyday of the year together and I enjoy that a lot. We agree on many things around the household. Im 17 now Ill be 18 in October, that's only when we move in together once I'm 18. My mum doesnt want me to leave but at the same time she tells me when she was 17 she was independant n livin alone(well with my dad already) so she thinks i should do the same. I dont know if its a good idea I still have a whole year of school left but I'm a really good student even if I had him around the whole time and he is very supportive about my studies he wants me to do well...HELP! I need sum positive attitude here!!

Thanks, Alina.

How old is your boyfriend? What else have you neglected to tell us?

I am sorry but I am not buying the change in your story. You wanted 'sum positive attitude here' and the advice given was not 'positive' for moving in with him. So now you suddenly have no choice and apparently aren't waiting until you are 18.

If your step-father is an alcoholic, I think both you and your mother need to look into a support group such as Al-anon (Welcome to Al-Anon Family Groups). Just because you move out things will not get better for your mother until she makes changes to make them better.

At the same time, moving in with your boyfriend because you have no where else to go will put a strain on your relationship whether you believe it or not. There are always other options such as finding a roommate(s) or renting a room instead of an apartment.

I hope that life turns out great for you. I hope moving in with your boyfriend goes well and he is 'the one'. I also hope that no matter how much you love your mother, you don't follow in her footsteps. If she loves you, then she would wish the same thing.

Please be very careful and thoughtful about any decisions you make. Decide what you want in life and work toward that goal. Give yourself the tools to make your life better than it has been. Even if you do move in with him, keep up with your education. Create a support system for yourself that doesn't rely only on him. Be the independent woman you are capable of being.

Of course Im not the only one, no one said I am, everything is changing everyday at the moment, but now I have decided that I am moving in with him Until I try Ill never know ( don't have to be a scared for the rest of my life), Things don't have to be always the way everyone thinks they should be. I have no reason not to trust him yet! My dad is finally going to pay child support because I don't live with my mother(stupid I know) he agrees its okay and if things don't work out with a boyfriend I can always live on my own. There's no need to dig in the past but live today and hope for a better tomorrow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by azzaarraa

Of course Im not the only one, no one said I am, everything is changing everyday at the moment, but now I have decided that I am moving in with him Until I try Ill never know ( dont have to be a scared for the rest of my life), Things dont have to be always the way everyone thinks they should be. I have no reason not to trust him yet! My dad is finally gonna pay child support because I dnt live with my mother(stupid I know) he agrees its okay and if things dont work out with a boyfriend I can always live on my own. Theres no need to dig in the past but live today n hope for a better tomorrow.

I don't understand your attitude - you posted half a question, didn't like the advice, posted the other half, didn't like the advice.

At any rate - once you leave your mother's home your father is NOT required to pay child support, Court ordered or voluntary. Adults don't move in with boyfriends and have their father support them.

But, as you said, "if things don't work out ... you can always live on your own."

I have no idea what "there's no need to dig in the past" means. It sounds good but it very seldom works. We ARE where we've been.