My b/f of 1 1/2 years shocked me by breaking up with me about 2 weeks ago. (We are both 23) It started as an argument (and we hardly ever fought) and ended up him coming to this decision. He said he was burned out and couldn't deal with our relationship anymore. I was shocked beyond belief as I had no idea he was feeling this way. He said he felt that the relationship was more about me than him. I asked him to give me another chance, but he said he didn't think that he could as he wasn't sure if he still loved me anymore. (Even though every day before that he would express his great love for me and talk about our future together and we made plans for the weekend). He admitted that he should have talked to me about it before, but he just didn't know how as he thought he would feel better. I thought maybe he just needed some time to cool since we were arguing. It was not a nasty break-up as I tried to maintain my dignity and respect his decision. He then told me that I'd always have a place in his heart and that maybe when we had our careers settled that we would get back together (I am graduating from college in May and looking to move to NY and he was in a training program at work and possibly looking to move to CT--it was always an issue with us as neither of us wanted to give up our career goals to move with the other, we just promised each other to keep it long distance until we could figure things out--he even told his boss this). He ended by saying that he wanted to stay in contact and that I should not act like I fell off the face of the earth. I asked about getting my stuff back and he said that he would get it to me. A few days later I found out that he was hanging out with a girl from work (who he had talked about many times to me before and I was never worried as he never tried to hide his friendship nor had he ever lied to me). While they could be just friends, he's only known her for 5 months and never hung out with her while we were together--only for lunch breaks. I was even more heart broken as I thought he might come to his senses and come back. To say we were in love was an understatement as he told his family that we would get married some day and treated me like a princess. I talked to his mom after we broke up and she said she didn't even know what happened--he usually came to his family for advice, but this time he said nothing. I tried to contact him the next day, but he kind of acted distant like he didn't want to talk, so since then, I've cut off complete contact and he hasn't even tried to contact me. I know there was so much between us, our families were so close, and it just seemed so right. I am beyond heart broken as I can't concentrate on anything except hope that we will be together again. I can't help to think that the girl from work made him think there was something wrong in our relationship--she is completely different from me--not someone I could ever see him with (she has a 1-yr old kid, is older than him, and has no plans for her future). However, he is the compassionate type and tries to help people if he can (she was going through some rough times and he was trying to give her good advice as he would talk to me about what I would do in the same situation). I know girls who when a guy comes for advice, just step right in and tell them to leave their partner (so that they can have a chance), instead of being a good friend and giving good advice to help them. Also, he still has my stuff--is it possible he's not trying to give it back because he doesn't want to totally close the door on "us"? Like I said, I only asked for the stuff back when we broke up and he promised he'd get it to me (he's not the type to keep it for revenge or anything). I don't know what to do, I don't have that many friends, so for anyone who is going to give me the advice to move on and hang out w/ friends--don't bother. He was my best friend and the person that could always cheer me up. Is there any hope? What should or shouldn't I do to get him back? I'd like to believe people just can't get up and leave someone they loved and felt they would marry and have kids with someday. I also feel that if he is with this girl that he is just trying to fill the void of me with her--do you think that relationship would last? (he was the type that always needs to be talking to someone or checking in with someone--I used to be that person for the most part, he used his mom if I wasn't around, he doesn't really have any close friends as he was in the military 4 years before we got together). Lastly, do you really think he meant that we might get back together in the future? Like I said, he's not the type to lie or give lines. And why won't he contact me? He said he wanted to stay in contact and when I tried, he acted distant, so I backed off. :( I've never been so sad in my entire life--I thought I had that part of my life settled and thought for once (after some crappy relationships) that I had found my prince charming.

Your boyfriend is absolutely right and I can see why he had second thoughts and broke up with you, as its all about you and what YOU want and even through that long post you never once mentioned some one else's feelings just yours. Don't you think it selfish to ask for advice and then tell everyone what it is you don't want to hear? So its not advice you want but agreement to your position. Sorry, you are in deep denial and unless you see your part in this break-up, you will never change and he will never be back. Leave him alone and address your own issues.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your boyfriend is absolutely right and I can see why he had second thoughts and broke up with you, as its all about you and what YOU want and even thru that long post you never once mentioned some one else's feelings just yours. Don't you think it selfish to ask for advice and then tell everyone what it is you don't want to hear? So its not advice you want but agreement to your position. Sorry, you are in deep denial and unless you see your part in this break-up, you will never change and he will never be back. Leave him alone and address your own issues.

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I second that. You need to except the fact that you are broken up and that it is over. The same as telling us what kind of advice you do not want to hear and not to bother, who are you to demand to us what advice to give you. Advice given is from a third party which sees more into the situation then the actual people involved in it. There have been a few posters who get very defensive when they hear something they do not like, but truth hurts sometimes, if you do not want to hear the truth then do not bother posting. You need to move on. It is broken. It is done. There are many other people out there and you will be able to find yourself somebody else, but before you do that you need to look at yourself in the mirror and figure out your part in the break up and not make the same mistakes next time your in a series relationship. As far as this friend of his, it is none of your business whether they get together or not. It is not up to you to control every move he makes, or think that he should not move on. Why would he not? If he wants to it is up to him. You have no hold on him anymore. The sooner you realize this the better.

Good luck to you in your future relationships because the reality is this one is over.

Joe

I have to agree with you boys.

Have to say this gal has a lot of growing gup to do. Me. Me. Me.

Sounds like he was finally sick of it. Even Angile Jolie would get annoying if ti was always about her.

She needs to grow up as well - she rips the other gal because the other gal has a kid. Nothing wrong wit hthat. You're very selfish.

You put too much importance into this - time to grow up - YOU NEED OTHER THINGS IN YOUR LIFE - FRIENDS, FAMILY, WORK, SCHOOL, HOBBIES, religion,

I also think you need time to yourself to discover who you are. Once you learn that it won't matter quite as much.



Boys are part of your life - not your life.

Here's an alternative angle. Looking out for you is not such a bad thing when it is the rest of your life we are talking about here. But if all this me, me, me stuff is what concerned you so much then why the heck do you want him back? Shouldn't you be the one to have wanted to take some space. It sounds to me like you are very insecure with your heart and the moment things started going badly you lashed out to protect yourself thinking it would get him back, yet it only pushed him further away because he was done. And when your done, your done. All of the game playing in the world won't help. Don't go trying to be an understanding, caring person and try to win him back. Work on putting people first to feel better about yourself. Learn from this situation and move on!

i think that he is insecure and when he talked to you about plans for the future, that might be what he wants, but he is scared and doesn't know what he wants in life anymore. He needs time to discover who he is and maybe the girl whom you speak of that he is talking with is just someone that understands his confusion and may even be helping him...that doesn't mean there is anything else going on. i think you need to talk to him and make him tell you what he really feels and tell him that you want to understand. tell him that even in the best of relationships, people fight...and it's the getting through the fights and learning from them is what may even make a relationship stronger. Instead of fighting, try examining what each of you want, and what each of you are willing to do if you decide to get back together. tell him that you are willing to wait for him because you care about him so much but if he doesn't want you to wait for him, let him be. And I know that you said you don't have a lot of friends and that he was your best friend, but maybe call up one of your friends...or someone you haven't talked to in a while...or even a sibling or cousin....someone to talk to ...because going through this alone will only make you really depressed and i wish you the best. you are so confused because men often have trouble expressing what they really feel and he may have felt trapped in his relationship...because maybe, he's not ready to committ...and since he keeps your clothes and doesn't call...this may be a sign that he doesn't want to leave you behind but doesn't know how to move on from this point...call him, visit him...TALK to him...he may tell you what he really feels...tell him you want the truth because you are probably worth more than what he is giving you at this point and no one deserves to go through it...and the whole "he thinks that the relationship is all about me"...it's okay. i dunno, maybe this is just an excuse he uses because he doesn't want to admit that it is his insecurities that is hurting him so much...good luck:rolleyes:

Yo, howd it go